To begrudge her perfect little life

You're not her friend. I thin you need to back away. Keep it polite when you see her, but don't foster a fake/false friendship with her. It isn't fair to her.

I hope she reads this and ditches you. You’re not a friend.

That's insensitive. At no point does the OP say she has children of her own - that's not so easiliy achievable for everyone you know

I've no idea if the OP has children or not by the way

I think her life sounds quite normal. She is obviously fortunate to have met someone that she’s really compatible with and found that kind of lovely love. Not everyone finds that when they're young. Sounds like she’s made sensible decisions from a young age, maybe it’s more that you find irritating rather than actual jealousy?

OMG how dare someone work hard and actually do well out of it 🙄 This anti-intellectualism and anti-meritocratic attitude is precisely what made me leave Britain all those years ago.

With friends like you…

I think it would be good for you to think about the wins and good things in your own life.
Family, home, holiday? positive experiences
Enjoy your successes
do not fixate on someone else - you have no idea about what is really in their life

Work on yourself. If you are unhappy with your lot in life, work out what you want to be different and then make steps towards changing. Retrain, travel, reconnect with your partner or start afresh. Whatever she has going on in her relationships, family life, career, marriage etc won't change a jot in your life.

Or maybe he left because he didnt like being in a lap dancing club. Not all men do actually like participating in the exploitation of women in this way.

I find it concerning that you were digging for information on the fiancé in the hope he was a dickhead. You aren’t her friend.

Also what’s stopping you from working harder?

Completely this. I have no clue if anyone else thinks I've a great life.

But I'm alive, fairly healthy, am loved and love, have a stable housing situation, live in a peaceful country and feel that I've meaning in my life in terms of a creative outlet, a dedication to learning and being able to feel that I can contribute. I had an unhappy childhood and I am so grateful that I've been able to overcome patterns of violence and abuse and not replicate them. I haven't always been strategic or smart career-wise but I've ploughed my own furrow and thankfully fell in love with a kind and supportive partner who I've made a life with.

Swans, rose petals, cruises, mansions - who cares really? They're just stuff. It would be nice to have less of the mundane hassles of life to deal with, to have a bigger house, maybe not have to think too much about budgeting for holidays, but tbh if the fundamentals are pretty sound I do think everyone should count their blessings when they can.

It may not have even happened. He probably just left earlier than the others, and op’s little gossip of a dh put his own mean spin on it.
They seem to be well matched.

Re your last point about her husband leaving the night out, I wouldn't do that either and it would annoy me if friends bailed for that reason.

I wonder if he felt uncomfortable about where they were or the behaviour and didn't want to be part of it. My husband wouldn't hang out with people cheating or going to strip clubs or whatever.

I would hate if my DH arrived home early from.his night out because he missed me. Maybe she missed him too, fair enough but I would hate that type of co dependant relationship and it's something i would be glad I don't have rather than envy.

I have suffered with jealousy but there is a big difference between feeling shit about yourself when you are with someone and wishing ill on them. I think you are very bad minded OP.

This. You sound bitterly jealous. Her life didn't just turn out like this, she's worked hard for what she has, it doesn't sound like it all landed it her lap.

Right I'm trying to think of someone I know who has a great life, and as far as I know, hasn't had many problems
.

My best friend in primary school was much much richer than me. She had two parents. She was rich. Her dad owned a building company and was a property developer. He owned whole estates of houses.

My dad walked out on my family, didn't pay maintenece and didn't see us. I was poor.

Was I ever jealous of her. No I never was. It was circumstances beyond our control. It wasn't her fault that my dad had walked out.pm my familt

I lived in much worse circumstances than her , and I was never once jealous of her. She was kind to me, and we are friends to this day.

Equally, you can ALWAYS find someone who has a worse life than you. The fact you even have access to the internet is a privilege many dont have.

Therefore, the argument that some people have it better is a bit pointless- I suspect there are people jealous of our lives in this thread because they have it worse somewhere in the world. Bearing that in mind, isnt it better to show gratitude for what we do have rather than constantly whining about what we dont?

You're not making sense.

You said I need a justification not to be jealous.

I said that I'm not jealous of people as most people go through suffering. That is part of being human. I have empathy for everyone.

I also said that I'm not jealous of people with totally perfect lives, who have never suffered either. I said that I'm glad that they're happy.

Yet, you are still calling me jealous.

You're not making sense

We're not talking about 'suffering' though. I mean, even the happiest person in the world has had diarrhea at some point. And most people have had at least one romantic breakup.
That's all normal.
But I'm talking about major traumatic events that change the course of your life.
When you know someone well, you certainly know about any of these. I don't need to know 'every single thing' just the big things.

I focused on material wealth because that was your example with you friend. But smooth sailing means having everything. No health issues (mental or physical), no abuse, blah blah you don't need me to list every single one of them so you?

As @Crushed23 said some people have great lives. If you always need a justification you can't claim to be 'never jealous'. But hey, do what works for you to manage your own feelings. I'm just pointing out the logic

A genuine lack of jealousy means not caring. Someone else situation is an objective fact. It is what it is. You don't need find some philosophical suffering to justify them having the good stuff. They just do. That's all.

@Applemayjune * Even the people who have extremely great lives. With not much catch, (there cant be no catch at all, as every human has problems)

So what. Good luck to them. It's good that they're happy! Would it be better if everyone was living in misery

There will always be people who have more than us in certain areas. Its a world of diversity. We can work on improving our own lives*

Absolutely good luck to them! I don't begrudge them their perfect lives one bit. I am very happy with my life. 🙂

But yes agree with this. Recognise the toxic behaviour / thoughts and try and work on it. Good luck!

It’s normal to find their behaviour a bit cringe if you’re not into all the lovey dovey stuff. But this feels different - you come across as jealous and toxic.

Work on your self esteem and make a plan for what you want to achieve in your life. It sounds like you’re not happy with where you’ve got to. Life is not just about money, marriage and children. There are lots of other types of fulfilment you can seek out.

It’s normal to compare ourselves with our peers but not to be so mean with it. Like trying to seek out an issue with her husband is not very healthy. I agree with a PP that I wish someone could tell her to keep away from you..

Even the people who have extremely great lives. With not much catch, (there cant be no catch at all, as every human has problems)

So what. Good luck to them. It's good that they're happy! Would it be better if everyone was living in misery

There will always be people who have more than us in certain areas. Its a world of diversity. We can work on improving our own lives

The married people I know who have a good life have all, not uncoincidentally, chosen their life partner very carefully.

I think the fact you’re willing to admit these feelings to yourself is a good sign. You’re self examining and reflecting. I wonder if finding a safe outlet to consider what you would like in your next 10 years from life might be a more constructive space to explore these feelings. Perhaps with a counsellor or coach. Society is quick to throw “shame! Shame!” on anyone who admits to jealousy but it’s a hugely common emotion. It’s only destructive if you allow it to be.