Need a hand hold

Thank you Tibby2024.
I couldn’t have got through today if it wasn’t for all you MN’s encouragement and support.
Thank you from bottom of my heart xx

Thank you ChoccieCornflake.
As I’m writing on here I’ve had a message from next door neighbour saying she’s just been told (by exs mum) that I’ve left . And I was going to reply but then I thought I’m not going to respond to negativity right now and get myself all worked up again and go through the rigmarole of trying to defend myself . I’m going to defend myself by trying to get better so I can get my kids back . My councillor said it doesn’t matter who doesn’t believe me right now because the truth will out one day . And if it doesn’t hopefully I will be a stronger person by then and I won’t care because I would have got through this and that will be my truth

Thank you Todaywasbetter.
Can’t believe I did tbh , can’t believe I’m sat on this bed right now doing this . And do you know what the weirdest thing is ? I’ve just met my councillor for the week and she’s the one I was speaking to before I tried to jump off Humber bridge last year . Isn’t that weird ? She said she’s read all my notes and she said she promises to help get me better and start a new life and she’s going to hold my hand all the way . Isn’t that lovely ?

Thank you Ruralretreating.
If reason I was here wasn’t so bad it would be like being on holiday . It’s a huge country style house I’ve never seen a kitchen so big and the way it’s set out and decorated is lovely . They’ve even got a library and Netflix ! I’ve been given some medication to help me sleep but I havnt taken it yet I’ll wait until later .

Thank you NeedToChangeName.
Lady in charge said to make myself feel at home and treat it as a home but I still feel cheeky putting the kettle on so I’m psyching myself up to do that in next 5 mins

Hi NeedToChangeName.
Im here and have been shown to my room and had a tour round . It doesn’t look like a hospital just a huge house it’s very nice . Got huge bay windows in my room which take up a whole wall looking out into a garden. The lady that showed me round is lovely I was having a panic attack and she was so kind and reassuring. I’m just settling in to my room. Got the worse over with actually getting myself here and not backing out . She said we will start the heavy stuff tomorrow so tonight she said I can try and make myself at home

Thank you 🙏 so much .
I’m just waiting for my taxi outside I’m shaking like a leaf . I will let you know once I’m there .
Thank you for giving me support and encouragement you and everyone else has given me that little bit of strength I needed to do this . This time yesterday I was thinking absolutely no way but now I’m waiting for my taxi and I’ve checked out hotel and I’m going . I might have another meltdown soon but I’m doing it 😬

Thank you polydactylfeline
xx

Thank you polydactylfeline.
I’ve had the call, everything is set . Got all my meds ready . Got my big girl pants on (but keep wanting to take them off ) . Worrying silly things like ‘what if they think I’m a lost cause’ , ‘what if they don’t like me’ , ‘what if they never let me leave and keep me drugged up and like a zombie forever’ (yes I have actually thought about that) but then I tell myself what’s the worse that can happen . I can’t feel any worse than I do right now , I’m not going to be sat in a hotel room on my own 24 hours a day , if I get upset or have a panic attack there will be somebody there to help me . I can talk to somebody about my children . I will have somebody to wash my hair ( I can’t life my right arm up with the paralysis and havnt been able to wask my hair) and there’s a big garden and patio and a craft room so it can’t be worse than this .

Your so lovely and kind ChoccieCornflake.
Going out of your way to help pick me back up and giving me words of encouragement. My mental health team and other professionals tell me I’m being so strong but sometimes I think they have to say that don’t they so to hear it from a stranger it does make me sit up a little bit and think ‘maybe I am’ so thank you for letting me have one positive thought about myself xx

Keep going …. Ok I will keep trying to repeat this to myself TashaTudor.
Thank you . I’m so pleased for you and proud of how far you have come the past 2 years. Hopefully one day I can be like you and give advice to help pick somebody else back up when they have reached rock bottom .
Im getting picked up at 5.30 this is it now it’s real .

I don’t think fondly of him definitely not but he is a good dad to the children and he’s looking after them right now and I know they are safe that’s what I’m going on . He’s just one of them people that gets to breeze through life and gets to shit on others but never gets any repercussions from it . Some people are lucky some people are not .He’s still very much like a child with toys, I was broken and scarred so he got a new one , a new shiny toy , but he didn’t treat the first toy very nicely and some of the scratches and dents were caused by him. But I’m not going to let his good fortune consume me because he’s not part of my life anymore aslong as he’s good with the children that’s my only care for him now . And luckily I never have to see or speak to his mum again .