Page 33 | Need a hand hold

Imbluedalale · 2024-10-17T22:39:29+00:00

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

NeedWineNow · 19/10/2024 23:06

OP, I've just read this thread and OMG lovely you are coping with so much, even a quarter of which would floor most people.

Your strength of character shines out from every one of your posts and you will come through this I'm sure. You sound like a wonderful caring mum and deserve so much better than the awful ex and his ghastly family. Take time to focus on you - it sounds as though you have fantastic support - and concentrate on doing things that make you feel better and stronger. Remember as well we're here for you, if you want to vent, or chat, or just need a big and a handheld - just reach out and we'll be there (as the song goes).

By the by, Shay & Blue's Black Tulip is one of my favourites as well, so lovely.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 19/10/2024 23:03

I'm really sorry to hear you are having all these problems; it's horrible and I feel for you not seeming to have much support. Try not to give up; go out for a walk everyday and get fresh air, so you sleep better. Notice small things that are beautiful or heartening.

Have regular breaks from your phone and do one small thing that's a help to you in your life each day. Get a good book or just develop a routine like walking to your local library and reading a chapter of something absorbing.

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed, get bogged down in your own thoughts or other people's worlds, instead of taking small steps to make your own better. X

Ruralretreating · 19/10/2024 22:50

Hope you get another good sleep OP, good night.

Ruralretreating · 19/10/2024 22:49

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 18:22

Thank you ,
Yes I found it very hard the counselling part .
I hope your marriage counselling helped you . I’ve been getting some not very nice messages this afternoon which I haven't responded to just things like ‘can’t believe you’ve left your kids’ but it’s put me on abit of a downer

Show quote history

It helped in terms of feeling heard but it didn’t move things forward, I said to my husband it was draining and I couldn’t cope with organising it (ADHD) so I needed his help but it didn’t happen. So am in a strange limbo. I may get some counselling via work just for me as lots of things to process and it does help but you need the time and focus for it. Make the most of having that time and space.

As other posters have said, ignore the horrid messages. Incredible that people would do that. You know the truth, your children do or will. Your youngest sounds very sweet.

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 22:31

TealPoet · 19/10/2024 22:21

Sending you a big hug for the night. You can find you again and evict ex from your head. It’ll take time and there will be some ‘redecorating’ to do, just like with a house, but you will do it. What scents do you like best?

Thank you TealPoet.
One thing I do definitely know is that I will never ever let anybody treat me like that again . I never actually want to be in another relationship but if some time far far far in the future I did I wouldn’t put up with the slightest wrong doing from them.
Scents I like best …. I love smell of fresh laundry and fresh towels and bedding. I love white company scents for candles and there’s a place called sense aroma that does amazing wax melts . But I also love smell of cut grass lol . My favourite scent perfume wise is from a company called Shay and Blue called black tulip , when I worked at the bank somebody stopped me every dry to ask what I was wearing even men

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TealPoet · 19/10/2024 22:21

Sending you a big hug for the night. You can find you again and evict ex from your head. It’ll take time and there will be some ‘redecorating’ to do, just like with a house, but you will do it. What scents do you like best?

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 22:03

Bumblingbee101 · 19/10/2024 21:14

I can completely understand that. DV is a terrible thing to experience. You have a really positive attitude you can do this. Get well, take the support of your mental health team and do everything you can. You will have Christmas together ❤️

He wasn’t physically abuse every day , he only beat me up 3 times in the last 2/3 years the most recent when he broke 5 of my ribs in March it was more the emotional abuse and I spent a lot of years mainly the last 5 thinking I was causing it so I used to apologise all the time.
Anyway he can’t hit me or emotionally abuse me anymore . He will still try with the kids and by speaking lies about me and to the courts etc but I won’t have to look at him whilst he does that so he will never have to see my pain from what he does again which means he might get satisfaction from it but he won’t get a reaction from me

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Original poster

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 21:57

TashaTudor · 19/10/2024 21:08

Exactly and soon you'll recognise that and then you'll think 'no that's my ex that says that' and eventually those voices will quiet and you'll be left with your voice.

Mini Colin sounds delicious 😋

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I don’t need to prove to my ex anything anymore he’s my past now even thought he’s still trying to destroy my future . I just need to try and prove to myself I’m not the things he has said to me and I can do this . Some of the things he’s said I can’t change like saying my scars are disgusting and that no man will ever find them attractive but hopefully one day they can be my survival scars of fighting cancer . And if I can get through this maybe I’ll start to believe I’m not weak and that I am strong .

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Bumblingbee101 · 19/10/2024 21:14

I can completely understand that. DV is a terrible thing to experience. You have a really positive attitude you can do this. Get well, take the support of your mental health team and do everything you can. You will have Christmas together ❤️

TashaTudor · 19/10/2024 21:08

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 20:30

Hi TashaTudor.
Are you ok? I hope you’re enjoying your weekend.
I’ve just had a cup of tea and a mini Colin the caterpillar cake and earlier for my lunch I had a bowl of fruit salad.
No I know I haven’t left them I would never do that they are my world . I have blocked a few but I’m just ignoring all other negative comments .
Awww it sounds lovely playing games with your son, I love games me and my kids used to play fish all the time which we enjoyed .
Funny you say that about therapy because my councillor said after she asked all the questions and looked at them again she said ‘every single thing you are feeling or saying about yourself isn’t your voice it’s been programmed into you to feel that way and it’s not true’.
Thank you TashaTudor xx

Show quote history

Exactly and soon you'll recognise that and then you'll think 'no that's my ex that says that' and eventually those voices will quiet and you'll be left with your voice.

Mini Colin sounds delicious 😋

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 21:05

Bumblingbee101 · 19/10/2024 20:38

A cuddle for you OP. Do what you can each day, take the positives and I really hope your children come to their senses and look after you. I would like to think your ex partner would step up too. Keep fighting the good fight you can do this 💪 💓

Edited

Thank you Bumblingbee101.
I just want to look after my children and be there for them and do mumsy things but if I can get better than I will be able to do that once I get a new home and if I have to go to court for that hopefully I will be in a stronger position to do so . My mental health team said if it does go to court they will be fighting with me every step of the way but that’s not something I can think about right now .
I wouldn’t want my ex to step up now , I’ve become afraid of him not in the sense he would physically hurt me again but in the sense of I know what he can do and what’s he’s capable of doing and I don’t need to speak to him again all children have their own phones and can sort Christmas etc out better us although I have agreed boys can be with him this year as daughter at her dads but hopefully next year I can have them all round our table in our new house and make new memories.

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Bumblingbee101 · 19/10/2024 20:38

A cuddle for you OP. Do what you can each day, take the positives and I really hope your children come to their senses and look after you. I would like to think your ex partner would step up too. Keep fighting the good fight you can do this 💪 💓

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 20:30

TashaTudor · 19/10/2024 19:53

Hi lovely, it sounds like a positive day overall!

You haven't left your kids so don't even think that, even without the ex being an abusive arsehole you're not well at the moment! If you were in hospital you wouldn't have left them and their are mums who go on holiday for a few weeks without the kids and they haven't left them. YOU know you haven't left them and people who text you I would just block to be honest.

Your youngest sounds lovely and its nice you're keeping in touch, when my son was in foster at the same age we used to call and play games together like chess on our phones or random dice or whatever and it helped me feel connected doing something with him. As for the older two I would just let them be for now and concentrate on yourself.

Therapy is tough but the fact you're willing to do it is a huge indicator that it will make a difference. One of the things that really helped me was when my therapist told me to think about what voice was in my head. Was it child tashatudor or my mum or my ex or was it a genuine thought? So much of my negativity wasn't actually me and working on that really helped.

Also, I know it's hard not caring what people think but again, you can't control that so concentrate on what you think. Which should be that you're a strong, capable woman with a bright future.

Hi TashaTudor.
Are you ok? I hope you’re enjoying your weekend.
I’ve just had a cup of tea and a mini Colin the caterpillar cake and earlier for my lunch I had a bowl of fruit salad.
No I know I haven’t left them I would never do that they are my world . I have blocked a few but I’m just ignoring all other negative comments .
Awww it sounds lovely playing games with your son, I love games me and my kids used to play fish all the time which we enjoyed .
Funny you say that about therapy because my councillor said after she asked all the questions and looked at them again she said ‘every single thing you are feeling or saying about yourself isn’t your voice it’s been programmed into you to feel that way and it’s not true’.
Thank you TashaTudor xx

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TashaTudor · 19/10/2024 19:53

Hi lovely, it sounds like a positive day overall!

You haven't left your kids so don't even think that, even without the ex being an abusive arsehole you're not well at the moment! If you were in hospital you wouldn't have left them and their are mums who go on holiday for a few weeks without the kids and they haven't left them. YOU know you haven't left them and people who text you I would just block to be honest.

Your youngest sounds lovely and its nice you're keeping in touch, when my son was in foster at the same age we used to call and play games together like chess on our phones or random dice or whatever and it helped me feel connected doing something with him. As for the older two I would just let them be for now and concentrate on yourself.

Therapy is tough but the fact you're willing to do it is a huge indicator that it will make a difference. One of the things that really helped me was when my therapist told me to think about what voice was in my head. Was it child tashatudor or my mum or my ex or was it a genuine thought? So much of my negativity wasn't actually me and working on that really helped.

Also, I know it's hard not caring what people think but again, you can't control that so concentrate on what you think. Which should be that you're a strong, capable woman with a bright future.

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 19:26

TheBlackSheepbaaaa · 19/10/2024 19:13

OP, you are amazing, you really are. You have so many fantastic qualities, you're also extremely strong and courageous.
I remember your previous thread and I was as moved by that one as I am by this one.
I'm sending you the biggest hug possible because you absolutely deserve it, just as you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and have your dreams come true.
Keep going, you're an inspiration.

Awww thank you so much TheBlackSheepbaaaa.
Thank you for the hug (I’ll do what my youngest says) ‘Caught it’ 😂 xx

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Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 19:16

CleverLemonCat · 19/10/2024 18:52

Well, you havent left your kids. You were thrown out by an abusive ex whilst his family and friends stood by and cheered. This time next year you will be in a beautifully smelling home of your own, and safely away from all those awful people.

I have serious mental health issues, and although I am in a good place at the moment family members literally drove me to the edge a couple of years ago. Had never before imagined the sheer vindictiveness of people that should care for you, and how they can stand by and deliberately cause you to spiral downwards. I think mental health issues just seem to give a green light to some as an excuse to bully and abuse.

Enjoy your lovely safe space, take things at your own pace and enjoy your pasta!

Thank you CleverLemonCat.
I’m sorry to hear that you too have mental health issues , it’s awful isn’t it . I don’t have any enemy’s but if I did I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy .
I know I haven't left them , my children know well I’ve spoken to them I’m not sure if eldest 2 believe me anymore but my youngest knows I was kicked out . And ex and his mum know the truth .
I’m trying not to worry about what people think but it’s hard you know.
I really really hope I can be in a new home by this time next year with my children .
I’m so glad to hear you’re in a good place at the moment , you truly find out who’s there for you when things get tough. I’ve spent many hours in that hotel room going round and round asking myself how ex could do all what he had to me and I’ll never know the answer . And I really can’t fathom why he upped his abuse when I found out about the cancer in February and just became absolutely vile to me. But you know what , it’s ok , what’s done is done and all I want to do is get back my children and my happiness and have a new home .

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TheBlackSheepbaaaa · 19/10/2024 19:13

OP, you are amazing, you really are. You have so many fantastic qualities, you're also extremely strong and courageous.
I remember your previous thread and I was as moved by that one as I am by this one.
I'm sending you the biggest hug possible because you absolutely deserve it, just as you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and have your dreams come true.
Keep going, you're an inspiration.

CleverLemonCat · 19/10/2024 18:52

Well, you havent left your kids. You were thrown out by an abusive ex whilst his family and friends stood by and cheered. This time next year you will be in a beautifully smelling home of your own, and safely away from all those awful people.

I have serious mental health issues, and although I am in a good place at the moment family members literally drove me to the edge a couple of years ago. Had never before imagined the sheer vindictiveness of people that should care for you, and how they can stand by and deliberately cause you to spiral downwards. I think mental health issues just seem to give a green light to some as an excuse to bully and abuse.

Enjoy your lovely safe space, take things at your own pace and enjoy your pasta!

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 18:32

CleverLemonCat · 19/10/2024 18:29

Can't believe how anyone could be so cruel to message you, knowing you are in a mental health crisis. Is there anyway MN admin can block them, throw them off the board?

Sorry I have not phrased that properly it’s messages on my phone from people I know . I haven’t responded and I’ve blocked a few but give me a break please 🙏

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CleverLemonCat · 19/10/2024 18:29

Can't believe how anyone could be so cruel to message you, knowing you are in a mental health crisis. Is there anyway MN admin can block them, throw them off the board?

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 18:28

CleverLemonCat · 19/10/2024 17:54

I remember your first thread, and was in tears as you described your journey to the hotel. I think you are amazing and such a strong lady, your youngest also thinks so too. I hope you are able to make the most of your residence for the week, you do seem to have some wonderful support workers. Just as an aside, are you North or South of the humber?

Thank you CleverLemonCat.
I don’t feel strong but I’m trying not to think so negatively of myself I’m just trying to get as much help and support as I can and try and get better.
My youngest is so lovely and he’s been texting me every day throughout the day . I havnt heard from other 2 but at least we are not arguing .
I do have some truly wonderful people looking after me . My councillor came to see me at my old address last year and she was saying today it was the nicest smelling home she’d ever been in and she had the smell on her coat for wmdays afterwards (I do love nice smelling things) .
I live in South Yorkshire , I drove to Humber bridge which is about an hour and 40 mins away

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Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 18:22

Ruralretreating · 19/10/2024 16:59

You are doing so well. Counselling is hard on the emotions. Had marriage counselling recently and it left me feeling a wreck after each session. It sounds as though you are being well looked after by people there, you deserve that after everything you’ve been going through x

Thank you ,
Yes I found it very hard the counselling part .
I hope your marriage counselling helped you . I’ve been getting some not very nice messages this afternoon which I haven't responded to just things like ‘can’t believe you’ve left your kids’ but it’s put me on abit of a downer

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CleverLemonCat · 19/10/2024 17:54

I remember your first thread, and was in tears as you described your journey to the hotel. I think you are amazing and such a strong lady, your youngest also thinks so too. I hope you are able to make the most of your residence for the week, you do seem to have some wonderful support workers. Just as an aside, are you North or South of the humber?

Ruralretreating · 19/10/2024 16:59

You are doing so well. Counselling is hard on the emotions. Had marriage counselling recently and it left me feeling a wreck after each session. It sounds as though you are being well looked after by people there, you deserve that after everything you’ve been going through x

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 16:22

Ruralretreating · 19/10/2024 15:33

So glad to hear you got some rest, are feeling good about the location and settling in. Natural to be disorientated I think and it sounds as though you need some time to process. Take it step by step and do things when you are ready.

Thank you Ruralretreating.
I’ve just had my first ‘hardcore’ counselling session and it was abit rough tbh . We talked about a lot and about what’s happened etc . One of the things that we discussed that I never thought never would be discussed was before I attempted last year I was talking to my dad on the phone and he knew I was feeling suicidal and he said that him and my mum can’t afford a funeral for me . So after I came out the the mental hospital last year I looked into low cost cremations and found one for £995 no frills basic cremation so I have managed to save £995 and put it into an ISA so it’s there and nobody has to worry about fronting the cost . She said it’s too early now but one day I’m going to use that ISA and make a special memory with it for my and the children.
I also mentioned my hair being knotty at back because I havnt been able to brush the back and she’s brushed it all for me and put it in 2 French braids, I havnt looked at it because of the mirror issue but it does feel good .

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