Page 32 | Need a hand hold

Imbluedalale · 2024-10-17T22:39:29+00:00

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

Ruralretreating · 20/10/2024 22:56

A bit of a mixed day for me too OP but thank you for asking. Nothing of the magnitude you are dealing with. I’m now so curious about the eccentric nurse, will look forward to hearing more.

Can really tell through your posts that you are making efforts to notice and be grateful for the small, beautiful or amusing things, which must be positive in terms of mental health. I think I need to take a leaf out of your book! Wishing you a good night’s sleep!

Apolloneuro · 20/10/2024 19:49

Ignore the sarcy comment from son. He’s probably hurt (not your fault). Keep calm and steadfast. Chin up x

TealPoet · 20/10/2024 19:36

You really do seem so very lovely, we’re all rooting for you - I hope you know that!

It’s so sad but your children have had that poisonous voice in their ears just as you have. And it will take time for it to die. You’re doing the right thing I’m sure to keep just a hold with the older two and closer to the youngest. And yes, same sky for you all, even when it’s grey!

You’re kind to say I seem to have it together - I try to but sometimes it feels overwhelming doesn’t it!

Big hugs again for the evening, and if I don’t make it back, for a better night for you. Keep going!

ChoccieCornflake · 20/10/2024 19:04

I'm so glad you are having a giggle - that's great news, even if it's about the dark situation! Miss Marple has finished, and now Poirot is on - bliss!

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Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 18:22

Ruralretreating · 20/10/2024 18:02

Sorry it’s been a tougher day OP, but you sound as though you’ve taken really positive steps to get through it. Onwards, one step/hour/minute at a time. Love the same sky mantra, I do the same with the moon (time zones permitting!).

Hi Ruralretreating.
I hope you have had a nice day? Yes it’s been a tough one today but I’ve been trying to keep my mind busy. I’ve been told there’s a new nurse on tonight and he’s very eccentric apparently so I’m looking forward to meeting him. I’ve read some of my book and had a hot pot and a yoghurt for my tea . I love looking at the moon at night , there’s big bay windows here and first night when the blinds were shut the moon shone through and made a little cosy light in my room

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Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 18:14

ChoccieCornflake · 20/10/2024 17:18

Here's lots more hugs coming your way!! I bet that nurse wasn't just being kind - you are a lovely person and I bet that shines out from you. I hope you day is going ok - I hope you had a great shower. I'm currently sat on the sofa watching Miss Marple (the Joan Hickson one) - you can't beat a Miss Marple! :)

Thank you for the hugs ChoccieCornflake.
Your afternoon sounds lovely , I love getting cosy in front of telly on a cold rainy Sunday afternoon .
My shower was nice Thanku , I look a mess but I’m clean and smelling nice.
I managed to have a little giggle and gave the new resident a giggle this afternoon. I went into the kitchen and the new resident was in there that came yesterday and he looked up at me and I said ‘Hi are you ok’ and we both started laughing because obviously we are not ok otherwise we wouldn’t be here but it broke the ice I guess . He offered me some of his mums sausage casserole bless him but I wasn’t feeling hungry .

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Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 18:07

TealPoet · 20/10/2024 16:51

I’m sorry today is harder, but you’re doing so well and you will keep getting better. Big big hugs. Is there anything we can do to help?

My plan is sleep mostly! I have chronic illnesses and disabilities that take a lot of energy to manage and I’m a night-owl, so rest in the afternoons is my norm! Then I have a letter to finish, and want to do a plan for the week, and continue working on revising my goals - I need to adapt them to my current situation.

Sending loads of love your way ❤️

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Don’t be sorry TealPoet.
It’s not your fault it’s just life I guess . I’ve been very teary today. I messaged all my children my eldest sent a sarky message back saying ‘nice of you to get in touch’ I just said I loved him and miss him. Last time we spoke was day I had to leave and he wasn’t very nice to me and laughed when he found I was going to be homeless in a hotel. My daughter has been texting me but that upset me abit as she said she’s moved into my bedroom and she was just organising it (ex has given our bedroom to her and moved into hers) I don’t know why I’m upset about that and I’m glad she’s happy it’s just I think ‘life goes on without me’ and I’m not missed I guess.
I’m sorry to hear you have chronic illness’s but I’m glad to hear you are able to rest. You seem to have everything fit together and are very organised. And still make time to message me on here and give me support . Thank you x

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Ruralretreating · 20/10/2024 18:02

Sorry it’s been a tougher day OP, but you sound as though you’ve taken really positive steps to get through it. Onwards, one step/hour/minute at a time. Love the same sky mantra, I do the same with the moon (time zones permitting!).

ChoccieCornflake · 20/10/2024 17:18

Here's lots more hugs coming your way!! I bet that nurse wasn't just being kind - you are a lovely person and I bet that shines out from you. I hope you day is going ok - I hope you had a great shower. I'm currently sat on the sofa watching Miss Marple (the Joan Hickson one) - you can't beat a Miss Marple! :)

TealPoet · 20/10/2024 16:51

Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 13:37

Hi TealPoet.
Are you ok?
Im just sat on my bed watching and listening to the rain . I’m into my book now so going to read some of that and I’ve got an M&S beef hotpot for my dinner later.
Im not having a good day and I didn’t get much sleep but I’m trying to stay positive and in trying not to think negative things and worry about future but I’m finding it all hard today .
What are your plans for this afternoon ?

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I’m sorry today is harder, but you’re doing so well and you will keep getting better. Big big hugs. Is there anything we can do to help?

My plan is sleep mostly! I have chronic illnesses and disabilities that take a lot of energy to manage and I’m a night-owl, so rest in the afternoons is my norm! Then I have a letter to finish, and want to do a plan for the week, and continue working on revising my goals - I need to adapt them to my current situation.

Sending loads of love your way ❤️

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Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 14:54

Caerulea · 20/10/2024 14:26

@Imbluedalale yes, very cute but also a 23kg border collie! My head is just not big enough to be a bed for him 🤣

Having better & worse days will be your normal for a while, I should imagine. I suppose the upshot of that is you'll notice when the better start outnumbering the worse - which will absolutely happen at some point! It's just this shitty interim period you have to inhabit in the meantime.

I would also guess that there is nothing the nurse will not have seen before. If there is anyone you don't need to put a face on for, it's nurses. Which is exactly what you need at the moment, not having to expend energy pretending to be 'ok', just wear your good & bad days as they are & start each morning without expectations of what that day will bring. Sleep is your reset time!

Fingers crossed for some dramatic weather & beautiful clouds out of your window today xx

Awww he sounds lovely ☺️
Well I’ve managed to have a shower and used my nice luxury shower gel from M&S it’s coconut smelling and I’ve got some vitamin C eye patches under my eyes so I’m all fresh now.
Today is one of those bad day I think but I’m trying to plough through . I once read that when you are missing somebody to look up at the sky and say ‘same sky’ it helps me whilst I can’t be with my children I know that we are sharing the same sky so we are somehow still together .

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Caerulea · 20/10/2024 14:26

@Imbluedalale yes, very cute but also a 23kg border collie! My head is just not big enough to be a bed for him 🤣

Having better & worse days will be your normal for a while, I should imagine. I suppose the upshot of that is you'll notice when the better start outnumbering the worse - which will absolutely happen at some point! It's just this shitty interim period you have to inhabit in the meantime.

I would also guess that there is nothing the nurse will not have seen before. If there is anyone you don't need to put a face on for, it's nurses. Which is exactly what you need at the moment, not having to expend energy pretending to be 'ok', just wear your good & bad days as they are & start each morning without expectations of what that day will bring. Sleep is your reset time!

Fingers crossed for some dramatic weather & beautiful clouds out of your window today xx

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Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 14:09

ChoccieCornflake · 20/10/2024 13:55

Massive hugs. The best way to get through bad times is one step at a time and try to distract yourself. Hopefully there is some good weather to look at from your window - either sun or dramatic rain. Where I am it's just grey, which is neither one nor the other!

As to your worry you won't have friends - you may end up with different ones from the ones you had before, but you will definitely have friends! You are so very clearly the kind of person that people like, and no wonder - you're lovely! And you will definitely have your children!!

And if the nurse says you're beautiful, then you must be!!

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Thank you for the hugs ChoccieCornflake.
Really need them today , thank you.
That’s what I’m doing I’ve just made bed and tidied up room and I’ve got my shower pile ready to have a nice shower . Just trying to keep busy.
It’s raining here but not very dramatic at the moment.
And I think the nurse was just being kind as she didn’t know what to do with a naked sobbing woman bless her .
I hope your having a nice weekend xx

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ChoccieCornflake · 20/10/2024 13:55

Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 13:31

Hi ChoccieCornflake.
Hope you’re having a nice weekend?
My councillor knows I’m having a bad day with my thoughts etc so she keeps checking in on me.
People used to say when something bad happens in life that’s when you really know who your friends are. And that’s what scares and upsets me because I’m going to have no friends and no family and if he gets his way which he always has so far I’ll not have my children.
Re my scars hopefully I will be able to look at them one day and not have exs voice in my head . I remember when I was in hospital the most recent one I couldn’t move my right side at all so had to get help getting showered and changed . And I was sat on a seat in the shower whilst the nurse was washing me I kept saying sorry about my scars to the nurse and she took my hand and said ‘stop saying sorry you are beautiful’ 🥹

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Massive hugs. The best way to get through bad times is one step at a time and try to distract yourself. Hopefully there is some good weather to look at from your window - either sun or dramatic rain. Where I am it's just grey, which is neither one nor the other!

As to your worry you won't have friends - you may end up with different ones from the ones you had before, but you will definitely have friends! You are so very clearly the kind of person that people like, and no wonder - you're lovely! And you will definitely have your children!!

And if the nurse says you're beautiful, then you must be!!

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Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 13:37

TealPoet · 20/10/2024 12:13

Hope you’re managing a good day and got some sleep! How anyone who ever claimed to love you can abandon you during treatment and call your scars ‘disgusting’ is beyond me. Thankfully you’ll soon be beyond him ever hurting you again, even in echo form in your thoughts. Big hugs for today.

Hi TealPoet.
Are you ok?
Im just sat on my bed watching and listening to the rain . I’m into my book now so going to read some of that and I’ve got an M&S beef hotpot for my dinner later.
Im not having a good day and I didn’t get much sleep but I’m trying to stay positive and in trying not to think negative things and worry about future but I’m finding it all hard today .
What are your plans for this afternoon ?

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Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 13:31

ChoccieCornflake · 20/10/2024 11:12

You are doing amazingly well! Well done on getting through that first counselling session - that must have been exhausting. I would tell you to block and ignore the people sending you negative messages, but you've already done that - you are wise as well as strong!

As to scars - for a start anyone like your ex who says scars are disgusting has something very wrong with them. I don't imagine most people think that way. Scars tell a story - of strength and courage. I would bet quite a bit that you look lovely, and that your ex only told you different to put you down.

Hi ChoccieCornflake.
Hope you’re having a nice weekend?
My councillor knows I’m having a bad day with my thoughts etc so she keeps checking in on me.
People used to say when something bad happens in life that’s when you really know who your friends are. And that’s what scares and upsets me because I’m going to have no friends and no family and if he gets his way which he always has so far I’ll not have my children.
Re my scars hopefully I will be able to look at them one day and not have exs voice in my head . I remember when I was in hospital the most recent one I couldn’t move my right side at all so had to get help getting showered and changed . And I was sat on a seat in the shower whilst the nurse was washing me I kept saying sorry about my scars to the nurse and she took my hand and said ‘stop saying sorry you are beautiful’ 🥹

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Imbluedalale · 20/10/2024 13:10

Caerulea · 20/10/2024 10:10

Morning @Imbluedalale!

Hoping to see an update that you've had another successful night's sleep (unlike me who spent half the night with my velcro dog ignoring my personal space trying to sleep on my head & have woken with a stonking headache).

Not sure where you are in the UK but could be a good day for weather watching out of your lovely bay window.

Hi Caerulea.
Thank you for checking in .
I managed to get a little sleep but not as good as first night I was here. I just feel really sad today it’s been nearly 2 weeks since I’ve seen my children.
My councillor told me that there’s a storm coming this afternoon so I’m going to sit by the window with my book and look out.
Lol 😂 dogs are so cute and funny

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TealPoet · 20/10/2024 12:13

Hope you’re managing a good day and got some sleep! How anyone who ever claimed to love you can abandon you during treatment and call your scars ‘disgusting’ is beyond me. Thankfully you’ll soon be beyond him ever hurting you again, even in echo form in your thoughts. Big hugs for today.

ChoccieCornflake · 20/10/2024 11:12

You are doing amazingly well! Well done on getting through that first counselling session - that must have been exhausting. I would tell you to block and ignore the people sending you negative messages, but you've already done that - you are wise as well as strong!

As to scars - for a start anyone like your ex who says scars are disgusting has something very wrong with them. I don't imagine most people think that way. Scars tell a story - of strength and courage. I would bet quite a bit that you look lovely, and that your ex only told you different to put you down.

Caerulea · 20/10/2024 10:10

Morning @Imbluedalale!

Hoping to see an update that you've had another successful night's sleep (unlike me who spent half the night with my velcro dog ignoring my personal space trying to sleep on my head & have woken with a stonking headache).

Not sure where you are in the UK but could be a good day for weather watching out of your lovely bay window.

Apolloneuro · 20/10/2024 00:17

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Frequently text all your kids very brief messages saying “love you. Working hard at getting well x.

Simple and don’t engage in any bother with them.

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Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 23:48

NeedWineNow · 19/10/2024 23:06

OP, I've just read this thread and OMG lovely you are coping with so much, even a quarter of which would floor most people.

Your strength of character shines out from every one of your posts and you will come through this I'm sure. You sound like a wonderful caring mum and deserve so much better than the awful ex and his ghastly family. Take time to focus on you - it sounds as though you have fantastic support - and concentrate on doing things that make you feel better and stronger. Remember as well we're here for you, if you want to vent, or chat, or just need a big and a handheld - just reach out and we'll be there (as the song goes).

By the by, Shay & Blue's Black Tulip is one of my favourites as well, so lovely.

Awwww what a lovely message NeedWineNow.
Thank you very much .
I’m not sure about coping because I wouldn’t be here otherwise but I suppose I’m coping by getting help and support to try and get through it best as I can and that’s all I’ve got right now just to try and get through this . And if I am able to I know I will be able to get through life and whatever else is thrown at me . Thank you for being there means the absolute world to me right now.
And shay and blue black tulip omg I can’t get enough of it I love it so so much the smell lasts forever Aswell xx

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Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 23:35

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 19/10/2024 23:03

I'm really sorry to hear you are having all these problems; it's horrible and I feel for you not seeming to have much support. Try not to give up; go out for a walk everyday and get fresh air, so you sleep better. Notice small things that are beautiful or heartening.

Have regular breaks from your phone and do one small thing that's a help to you in your life each day. Get a good book or just develop a routine like walking to your local library and reading a chapter of something absorbing.

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed, get bogged down in your own thoughts or other people's worlds, instead of taking small steps to make your own better. X

Hi AtomHeartMotherOfGod.
Thank you for your message .
I dont have support of family or friends but I do have some amazing support from others . My mental mam health team have been amazing inc the councillors and doctors . My cancer team have been amazing . My domestic abuse support worker had been lovely and another lady from creative support has been amazing and Andrew from the homeless team at the council has gone above and beyond for me and everyone who has taken a minute out of their day to send a message of support .
I can’t get out at the moment as I can only walk about 50 metres at a time but hopefully my paralysis will start improving in the next few months because I would love to go for a walk in nature especially this time of year when all the leaves have fallen from the trees.

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Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 23:29

Ruralretreating · 19/10/2024 22:50

Hope you get another good sleep OP, good night.

You too Ruralretreating.
sweet dreams and good night xx

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Imbluedalale · 19/10/2024 23:28

I’m sorry it made you feel that way . If you feel you need counselling then you should definitely go for it even if it helps just you . You definitely need the time I do agree on that . Before all this crap happened I was seeing my mental health nurse once a week anyway and because I know I needed to go I just saw it as an appointment and she’s knows every single thing about me now so then I used to go and see her , tell her my problems , vent a lot and then we worked through what we could change and what we couldn’t . She’s sad for me right now but she’s so proud that I’ve left

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