Page 30 | Need a hand hold

Imbluedalale · 2024-10-17T22:39:29+00:00

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

TealPoet · 23/10/2024 17:24

You see, you’re asking about me when you’re in so much distress - you’re lovely!

It went ok thank you. I get hospital transport because I can’t walk, and I was in trouble after my scan absolutely bursting for the loo! I was just praying not knowing what to do. And then the transport crew arrived 40 minutes early, found the equipment I needed and a nurse, and got me to the loo! It was such a relief because I was so distressed about what was going to happen otherwise. I’m so grateful to them :)

TealPoet · 23/10/2024 17:22

It sounds like you’re struggling and need support - hardly a surprise with what you’re going through! I’m so mad with your ex - he’s trained you to do his abusing of you for him in his own head!

You definitely shouldn’t be alone; I hope they can sort that. Do you have any medication you can take if the anxiety is rising?

You show flashes of such a lovely, bright, happy personality - but it’s not exactly your fault if all the abuse and sickness sometimes hides it. You are lovely. I’m sure every mother wishes they did some different things - I know mine does! But I adore her and it doesn’t matter; water under the bridge, to be remembered only if it helps us do better now.

Big big hugs. Wish I could do something to make you smile

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Imbluedalale · 23/10/2024 17:17

TealPoet · 23/10/2024 16:47

Go and get some support from the staff my darling. We can tell you until we’re blue that you’re not a bad mum (you’re not! You’re a great mum), that you can get through this, and that you’re worthwhile, but you need help to see it. YOU HAVE NOT FAILED AND ARE NOT FAILING!

I asked my mother if she would mind me posting this and she was glad for me too. She was almost broken after my dad - all his false accusations, all the times he tore her apart. She couldn’t drive or do anything because he broke her confidence so badly. And it was TOUGH. But know what? She’s here, she’s thriving, she made it out. So can you.

What support can we offer to help you through each day no matter where you are? You aren’t alone but I really want you to feel the support of all of us rooting for you.

BIG HUGS.

Thank you TealPoet.
And please tell your mum I said thank you for sharing that with me . Your mum sounds like a wonderful human being just like you .
How did your scan go? Xx

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Imbluedalale · 23/10/2024 17:16

Apolloneuro · 23/10/2024 16:20

@Imbluedalale darling can you find your favourite member of staff on duty right now and tell them how you’re feeling, please.

I went to sit outside on the bench and I couldn’t breathe for crying and a member of staff came to sit with me . I’ve just told her everything I’m feeling and how sad I feel and she said she doesn’t think I’m ready to go back to being homeless in a hotel . She’s rang my mental health nurse and spoke with her . She said I need to stop being so hard on myself but I just can’t help it . I keep thinking back and wish I had done so many things differently. I wish I was a better happier person . I don’t even want tomorrow to come how bad does that sound

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TealPoet · 23/10/2024 16:47

Go and get some support from the staff my darling. We can tell you until we’re blue that you’re not a bad mum (you’re not! You’re a great mum), that you can get through this, and that you’re worthwhile, but you need help to see it. YOU HAVE NOT FAILED AND ARE NOT FAILING!

I asked my mother if she would mind me posting this and she was glad for me too. She was almost broken after my dad - all his false accusations, all the times he tore her apart. She couldn’t drive or do anything because he broke her confidence so badly. And it was TOUGH. But know what? She’s here, she’s thriving, she made it out. So can you.

What support can we offer to help you through each day no matter where you are? You aren’t alone but I really want you to feel the support of all of us rooting for you.

BIG HUGS.

Apolloneuro · 23/10/2024 16:20

@Imbluedalale darling can you find your favourite member of staff on duty right now and tell them how you’re feeling, please.

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Imbluedalale · 23/10/2024 16:17

Apolloneuro · 23/10/2024 16:08

@Imbluedalale sweetheart, you can do it. You are doing it. Can you go out and take walk round the block, focusing on what you can see and hear. Ground yourself a bit. Have a cup of tea. Listen to some music.

Don’t beat yourself up about your kids. Text your son maybe twice a week. “I love you son. I’m working hard to be well and hope to see you again soon.” Don’t get into situations with him where he can call you the c word. He shouldn’t do that, but then he’s got his dad as a role model hasn’t he.

You want everything to be fixed immediately. Understandable, but not realistic. You need to play the long game with your kids.

I really can’t do it anymore.
And I can’t walk , everything about me is a mess inside and out .
I feel sick constantly, my hairs falling out , can’t stop crying and I can’t see this getting any better.
I’ve honestly lost all hope in everything . Monday I’m going to be homeless in a hotel room again and that thought terrifies me because I’m already thinking bad things. I’ve said this before that I don’t want to die but I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. My heart is broken, I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. But I’m that much of a failure I can’t even sleep!

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Apolloneuro · 23/10/2024 16:08

@Imbluedalale sweetheart, you can do it. You are doing it. Can you go out and take walk round the block, focusing on what you can see and hear. Ground yourself a bit. Have a cup of tea. Listen to some music.

Don’t beat yourself up about your kids. Text your son maybe twice a week. “I love you son. I’m working hard to be well and hope to see you again soon.” Don’t get into situations with him where he can call you the c word. He shouldn’t do that, but then he’s got his dad as a role model hasn’t he.

You want everything to be fixed immediately. Understandable, but not realistic. You need to play the long game with your kids.

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Imbluedalale · 23/10/2024 15:46

I can’t do this , I’m not strong enough . I don’t even want to be strong all I want is my children . I don’t care about my cancer or being homeless I just want my children . I’m nothing without them . I can’t stop crying today I am a complete failure . I just want to hold and kiss my children this year I’ve been a depressed mess and I wasted time being sad and upset when I didn’t see what was right in front of me . I have failed them and they deserve a better mum than me . My ex doesn’t realise how lucky he is, he’s got our children and he’s happy that’s all I want . This is all just too much . I’m sorry for being so negative but I honestly can’t do this I don’t want to go another day without my kids . I feel like I’m in a nightmare . I can’t do it!

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Imbluedalale · 23/10/2024 13:45

I hope your scan goes well TealPoet.
Fingers crossed for you .
Your right about my daughter I will stop giving her grief and just be there for her and reassure her and tell her that I love her.
God I feel bad about it all now , my eldest isn’t replying to me shall I keep texting him every day or not?I don’t know what to do ??
Feel like I am a really bad mum. I’m finding all this so hard . My relationship with my eldest is broken and I don’t know how to get it back but in the same breath I don’t want him calling me the C word and saying other horrible things to me when I don’t agree with him xx

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TealPoet · 23/10/2024 13:21

Big hugs! Yeah, I’m ok. Hospital appointment this morning - just a scan but going out at all makes me exhausted! I can’t even comprehend how hard it must be to battle all that you have been and are going through!

I’m sorry about your daughter. I think Apolloneuro is right; she’s just not mature enough to cope at the moment. If you can be there for her anyway, love her without expecting for now, and cling to her at her worst, I hope and truly think you might get her back as that lovely close relationship you naturally crave.

You are so so strong, and it’s hard that because other people aren’t able to be you have to be even stronger. But mothers are bears when it comes to fighting. Hang in there and never give up! Hugs your way.

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Imbluedalale · 23/10/2024 13:03

Apolloneuro · 23/10/2024 12:02

@Imbluedalale please take this with the good intentions it’s written with, but try not to chastise your daughter for not making an effort to see you. It’s too much pressure on her, as she’s been through a big upheaval and it’s not her job to make you feel better. You’re the mum. Just, at least for the moment, send love and a message that things will get better.

Thank you for your advice Apolloneuro.
Yes I think you are right , I know she’s going through a lot too. And no it’s not her job to make me feel better. I just miss her and was upset that she didn’t seem to miss me . I’m being selfish .
I will try and not get upset with her and give her grief about not seeing me/contacting me .

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Imbluedalale · 23/10/2024 12:59

TealPoet · 23/10/2024 07:21

Oh you poor soul, these men are vile 🤢 I wonder what poisonous ideas they’re pouring into their wives’ ears? Urgh. I agree, lately I feel very ‘off’ men - even the nicest seem to have a predator lurking just below the surface.

It’s totally understandable that your identity is wrapped up in those you love best. Being a mum is a huge part of your identity because it matters to you so much - lucky kids! You’re still a mum just as much if you need to be away for a while though! And you need to rediscover the Laura your ex tried to destroy. Hopefully that’s the opportunity you now have, tough as it is.

I truly hope you have a good day and that those around you do too. Start your new book, eat well, send a loving message to your youngest who sounds sweet like you, and don’t give the haters and the sleezy horrors any of your attention - they don’t deserve it!

Sending huge hugs!

Hi TealPoet.
Hope you are ok today?
I didn’t sleep very well at all last night. Think it was because me and my daughter had another fall out and now feel guilty . I got upset because I don’t think she’s been there for me not just with this but with the cancer Aswell but then I think I’m being selfish. We used to be very close but since I’ve been poorly and everything else we’ve drifted apart. Maybe I need to back off a little bit and not show her I’m upset xx

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Apolloneuro · 23/10/2024 12:02

@Imbluedalale please take this with the good intentions it’s written with, but try not to chastise your daughter for not making an effort to see you. It’s too much pressure on her, as she’s been through a big upheaval and it’s not her job to make you feel better. You’re the mum. Just, at least for the moment, send love and a message that things will get better.

TealPoet · 23/10/2024 07:21

Oh you poor soul, these men are vile 🤢 I wonder what poisonous ideas they’re pouring into their wives’ ears? Urgh. I agree, lately I feel very ‘off’ men - even the nicest seem to have a predator lurking just below the surface.

It’s totally understandable that your identity is wrapped up in those you love best. Being a mum is a huge part of your identity because it matters to you so much - lucky kids! You’re still a mum just as much if you need to be away for a while though! And you need to rediscover the Laura your ex tried to destroy. Hopefully that’s the opportunity you now have, tough as it is.

I truly hope you have a good day and that those around you do too. Start your new book, eat well, send a loving message to your youngest who sounds sweet like you, and don’t give the haters and the sleezy horrors any of your attention - they don’t deserve it!

Sending huge hugs!

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Imbluedalale · 23/10/2024 00:48

Playgroundincident · 23/10/2024 00:39

Even in your darkest moments there is always a sleazy skank waiting in the wings! The fact that you are showering and feeding yourself re achievements keep going OP everyone is cheering you on.

Thank you Playgroundincident.
That mean a lot .
I know , I’m seriously put off men for life! One of the men’s wives was one of them that contacted me saying she can’t believe I’ve left my children and took off and that my children deserve a better mum than me .
Anyway they are blocked now they can go and bother somebody else . I’m also thinking maybe my ex asked them to message me . I’m too paranoid I think

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Playgroundincident · 23/10/2024 00:39

Even in your darkest moments there is always a sleazy skank waiting in the wings! The fact that you are showering and feeding yourself re achievements keep going OP everyone is cheering you on.

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Imbluedalale · 23/10/2024 00:21

TealPoet · 23/10/2024 00:09

Thank you! That must be very traumatic to have the new lady be so upset. I hope she feels safe and can begin healing soon, for all your sakes.

You’re doing so well even on your toughest days. That’s strength!

Thank you TealPoet.
I don’t feel like I’m doing well , I feel very lost right now. I don’t know who I am without my children I just feel like I’m nothing , it’s hard to explain.
The new lady must have fallen asleep as it’s all quiet now . Hope she is ok in morning .
Oh I spoke too soon .
The red haired guy has been painting this evening he never sits still bless him .
Also why are some men so sleazy? I’ve had 2 messages from 2 of the football dads last few days (who are both married) asking how I am and then saying if I ever want a cuddle to let him know , other one said he knows some nice secluded places we can chat . How absolutely vile . Blocked them straight away .

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TealPoet · 23/10/2024 00:09

Thank you! That must be very traumatic to have the new lady be so upset. I hope she feels safe and can begin healing soon, for all your sakes.

You’re doing so well even on your toughest days. That’s strength!

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Imbluedalale · 22/10/2024 23:11

TealPoet · 22/10/2024 23:02

Sorry I haven’t been around - not felt well today. I hope things improved for you through the day. Did you finish your book? Any more nice cookies? I hope you have a good sleep tonight. Big hugs!

Hi TealPoet.
Awww you poor thing I hope you start feeling better soon. Thinking of you .
Last 2 days havnt been great tbh but I made myself get up today and have a really long shower and abit of pampering . I managed to finish my book Aswell , it was good . Got 3 more books to read so might start another one tomorrow .
Havnt had any cookies today I’ve had some fruit and fibre and a mini M&S fruity curry and a cream slice which was nice .
Been texting my daughter this evening I asked her when she was coming to see me and said she hasn’t made effort and she said she’s really busy with college , work etc which upset me but what can I do?
Feel really on edge tonight a new girl turned up this evening and she’s been crying and screaming really loudly on phone to her partner for last few hours and it’s just making me feel panicky but I know she needs help too so I shouldn’t moan it just brings things back xx

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TealPoet · 22/10/2024 23:02

Sorry I haven’t been around - not felt well today. I hope things improved for you through the day. Did you finish your book? Any more nice cookies? I hope you have a good sleep tonight. Big hugs!

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Imbluedalale · 22/10/2024 16:06

Munchyseeds2 · 22/10/2024 13:30

I saw your first thread and felt very sad and worried for you....what you are going through is unimaginable for me
I'm so glad you are somewhere being looked after.
You are stronger than you know and you sound like someone I would love as a friend

I hope today is a better day xx

Hi Munchyseeds2.
Awwww that is so lovely of you to say thank you so much .
It’s unimaginable for me too never in a million years would I ever of thought I’d be going through all this . But I am so I’m trying to deal with it . And all you lovely people on MN are helping me each and every day to get through it .
The hardest part of it all is not being or seeing my children but they know I love them and I know they are safe , warm and fed . And they are in my thoughts constantly x

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Imbluedalale · 22/10/2024 15:57

TealPoet · 22/10/2024 12:40

It will take time to let other voices in than the poisonous one that has insidiously invaded you for so long. But you will, and you’ll learn to accept the compliments with grace, just as you offer them so freely (so many times on this thread!).

Is your name Laura? Did you know it originates from Laurel, and that because the Romans gave laurel crowns to those who won in contests or battle, it came to represent a victor? That would certainly be appropriate for you!

Show quote history

Yes that’s my name , oh wow that’s amazing I never knew that .
Hopefully I will win this battle that I’m going through right now .
Have you had a nice day TealPoet?
I havnt done much today , felt tired and groggy all day. But I managed to finish my book and I had cereal and cup of tea earlier .
Don’t feel like I’ve achieved anything today but my body was telling me to rest so that’s what I’ve done .

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Imbluedalale · 22/10/2024 15:44

MinnieOfThePinny · 22/10/2024 12:40

To succeed you have to believe in yourself. I believe in you. You should too.

Thank you MinnieOfThePinny.
Hopefully soon I will be able to believe in myself.
Thank you for believing in me , that means a lot .

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Munchyseeds2 · 22/10/2024 13:30

I saw your first thread and felt very sad and worried for you....what you are going through is unimaginable for me
I'm so glad you are somewhere being looked after.
You are stronger than you know and you sound like someone I would love as a friend

I hope today is a better day xx