Need a hand hold

Good morning my love - I really hope it is for you and that you finally got some sleep!

I’m sending you loads of hugs for the day. I love the post you shared last night with that encouraging message - I needed that reminder too. I’m adding a post I found this morning that I hope will help today. And for some reason one thing keeps running in my mind today: ‘step by step and pace by pace, slow and steady wins the race’.

These days I think we’re saturated with the idea that we should just ‘get over’ or ‘push through’ everything - whether it’s a common cold or a major crisis. But that just causes more damage. People didn’t used to think that way. I read a lot of old school stories, from the early 1900s. Cold? Sprained ankle? Home in bed until you’re better, looked after by doting family and sent flowers and chocolates by friends? Headache? Back to bed for the morning. Severe illness? A few weeks or even months at the seaside for you! We need to bring back the opportunity for people to truly recuperate, and the mental permission to do so.

Sending love your way so much <3

Morning lovely
I hope you managed to get some sleep last night after your lovely shower and that today is a little better.
Can you increase the antidepressants soon?
They will help I think... just a shame it takes a few weeks

Off to work for me now but I will be thinking of you Xx

I meant to add my eldest has sometimes said he wishes I were dead, so it’s not as though our relationship is perfect. But I know it is not true when I look at the picture overall - it’s anger speaking, he’s neuro-diverse, he’s testing boundaries. Really important to focus on evidence and facts when feelings are running high. Keep going OP, you’ll get through it.

Sorry, didn’t mean to disappear off, cold got worse so needed to rest a bit but on the mend now.

Really sorry to read you’ve been having difficult days and difficult thoughts OP. I really hope the chorus of support here, all of us who really see your qualities shine through, gives you encouragement that you are a person, of value and valued. It’s easy to lose sight of ourselves, it’s great when other people can give you clarity at times when you can’t see it. We have to rely on that sometimes.

It’s so hard to get the balance right with children, to demonstrate love without being overwhelming, to let them know they make you happy but your happiness is not their responsibility. There is no perfect parent. You will get through this and be with them again.

When I have suicidal thoughts, I try to deter them by focusing on the pain my children would experience knowing I had “chosen” (aware mental illness means people don’t really choose it but it’s a perception loved ones left behind may have) to leave them. I used to think of my parents, now it’s my children. There are few children who would feel better off without their mum in the world. Also I find it helpful to focus on the fact that things change constantly and you literally never know what is around the corner. Previously I didn’t really like change but have come to see that it brings good too. So I try to think of the good things that have happened after previous episodes of suicidal thoughts.

Massive hugs!! You are such a lovely person - there you are, having a really tough time, and yet you have the kindness to be thinking of other people too! Make sure you treat yourself the same way - imagine yourself as two people, and one of you is telling the other one how well she's doing and how proud you are of her. I think when you have negative voices playing in your mind, it helps to drown them out with positive ones. It definitely feels fake at first to be telling yourself well done for something, but over time you notice your internal voices have become much more positive. Honestly, recognise and tell yourself well done for every little thing.

Also, eat more biscuits! Generally not great advice, but if anyone deserves a few extra biscuits right now, it's you!

Apolloneuro is right again :) you’re an amazing woman and hopefully your medications will help soon. You aren’t taking resources from anyone else, they’re there for you because you need them. You deserve more!

I did rest, thank you. I’m uncomfortable, but more due to the problem being investigated than the scan.

And I’m so proud of you for even managing the shower! Those small steps are big deals :)

Huge hugs for tonight <3

Fate was talking to you there. Night night. I’ve got work at 7:45am, so I’m in my nightie with a scented candle and a cup of mint tea, playing candy crush for 10 mins.

Darling @Imbluedalale you’re doing well. Try to live one hour at a time. Don’t think too much about the future. One hour, half an hour, ten minutes at a time, if necessary.

I think you’ll feel better when your meds kick in.

One thing that I admire about you is that you’re open to listening to advice. You’re not defensive. That’s a real strength. Can you have a nice cup of tea for me and a shower if you haven’t had one.

Your kids are safe. Try to allow yourself to put yourself first.

Never apologise for your struggle, you’re fighting a huge battle and I know so many of us here are so proud of you. As Munchyseeds2 says, let us be the positive voices in your head to drown out the horrible lying ones. And I’m sharing another strip I saved for myself last week in the hope it will help you too. HUGS!

Don't think too far ahead, it's too much.

Just concentrate on the here and now, getting better, stronger.

Then you can work on getting the kids back in your life and rebuilding the relationships he has tried so hard to ruin
Don't let him win!!

Make us a little army in your head to help you keep positive.....you CAN do this xx

You’re hurting so much, I wish I could hug you! Doing this for your children is a powerful motivation but it’s also huge pressure on you. Our thoughts can be our worst enemies, torture us silently leaving no signs. I’m so glad you told the staff everything and I hope they can give you the support you need. I wish I could say something more helpful, but all I can do is send big hugs and say we believe in you 💐

As hard as it is, tomorrow has to come and you WILL get through this.

Your kids are young and selfish (as only teens can be!!). You can't expect them to be there for you, they don't have the emotional maturity + they are very much influenced by someone else.

I'm sure they will come back to you in time - just take the pressure and guilt away, you need to really concentrate on getting better

You are NOT a failure and you CAN do this

Please tell/show the staff how you are feeling....I also think a room on your own is the last thing you need right now. Xx

This came up on my Facebook feed yesterday and I saved it because it immediately made me think of you. One day at a time, even the most painful ones. We can’t change anything in the past, no matter how much we want to, and we can’t control the future however hard we try. But we can do things now that will bear good fruit later.

One thing that has stood out to me through all your posts is your innate gratitude. It’s a powerful lesson to me because that’s one of my weaknesses. I try to pick out one thing a day and often struggle to go beyond the basics - my mum, my dog. But yesterday I wrote my gratitude - this thread. Because of you, because you make me grateful, and because you make me care <3