Page 24 | Need a hand hold

Imbluedalale · 2024-10-17T22:39:29+00:00

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

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Imbluedalale · 28/10/2024 19:34

RaspberryBeretxx · 28/10/2024 18:43

So glad you had a good sleep last night, your body must have massively needed it. I love the sound of the cheese party!

I’m so sorry you haven’t had your stay extended by longer and not getting the houses. If you’re second it surely can’t be too long before you’re top. I’ve got everything crossed for you. And totally agree with @Apolloneuro , you are strong, brave and kind. You will get through this 💐.

Hi RaspberryBeretxx,
I hope you are ok?
I’m so glad about the good sleep Aswell. It probably helped me cope a lot better with the news I’ve had today.
The cheese party was lovely , I will be sad to leave here as the staff and residents are lovely.
Thank you so much for your lovely words and support xx

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Original poster

Imbluedalale · 28/10/2024 19:30

ChoccieCornflake · 28/10/2024 15:35

Not knowing is really really hard, so it's normal you would feel upset by it. Down the line though, all this will be something you got through and survived and came out ok in the end, so if you catch yourself looking ahead, make sure to also look really far ahead as well!

As to your ex's words about your scars - words absolutely fail me. MASSIVE hugs. Given how abusive he was, I reckon you can safety assume that the opposite is true for pretty much every negative comment he made to you!

Thank you ChoccieCornflake.
Im really not looking forward to tomorrow and the uncertainty but I am trying my hardest to tell myself that I can do this , I’ve done it before and hopefully I can manage better this time.
I just hope I’m somewhere near and not too far away.
I think once I’ve got through this and am hopefully settled I might need some therapy for everything that has happened and things that have been said to me . I know the domestic abuse team are keen for me so go on a self esteem course once everything is settled so hopefully I can start to get exs voice out of my head in the near future xx

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AdmittowearingCrocs · 28/10/2024 18:56

Hi @Imbluedalale, so glad you had a good sleep but not so good about fainting. Please keep an eye on that and let someone know if it occurs again.
I went to IKEA today and while there I bought a new wooden spoon to remind me to be as courageous as you are.
I know it won’t be nice being back in the hotel, but at least you are away from your ex and we will all be with you cheering you on. Hopefully next time you bid on houses, you will be lucky and get one.
And when your ex’s voice comes into your head, replace it with all of us telling you how amazing you are, and we know better than the ex. Let the mumsnetters voices drown his out. You are beautiful just as you are. Sending a huge hug 🤗

RaspberryBeretxx · 28/10/2024 18:43

So glad you had a good sleep last night, your body must have massively needed it. I love the sound of the cheese party!

I’m so sorry you haven’t had your stay extended by longer and not getting the houses. If you’re second it surely can’t be too long before you’re top. I’ve got everything crossed for you. And totally agree with @Apolloneuro , you are strong, brave and kind. You will get through this 💐.

ChoccieCornflake · 28/10/2024 15:35

Not knowing is really really hard, so it's normal you would feel upset by it. Down the line though, all this will be something you got through and survived and came out ok in the end, so if you catch yourself looking ahead, make sure to also look really far ahead as well!

As to your ex's words about your scars - words absolutely fail me. MASSIVE hugs. Given how abusive he was, I reckon you can safety assume that the opposite is true for pretty much every negative comment he made to you!

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Imbluedalale · 28/10/2024 15:28

TealPoet · 28/10/2024 15:09

It’s not you saying nasty things about yourself, it’s the poisonous voice of your ex insidiously lodged in your head. Tell him to go away and that you know better than to listen to him now! Hear us all cheering you on and celebrating the beauty of you. Yes you WILL conquer, the circumstances and your ex’s nasty words!

Thank you TealPoet.
That means alot. It’s only been 3 weeks tomorrow since I was made homeless so I think it’s going to take a while for ex’s words to have less impact on me than they do now . Thank you for cheering me on and believing in me xx

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Imbluedalale · 28/10/2024 15:23

TealPoet · 28/10/2024 14:34

Agreed! You’ve shown such strength and whilst it’s unfair for it to be tested further, you will be ok. Have you told anyone about your faint? It might be exhaustion but I’m concerned you should get checked over. Big hugs!

Hi TealPoet,
I hope your day is going ok so far?
I havnt told anybody about me fainting it seems trivial now I’m surprised they didn’t hear anything tbh because I did go down with quite a bang . I will keep an eye on it though and if I feel like that again I will mention it . Thank you for the hugs xx

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Imbluedalale · 28/10/2024 15:20

Munchyseeds2 · 28/10/2024 14:21

I'm so glad you got a good sleep last night.. not so pleased with the way it came about tho! Did you tell anyone??
Hopefully it was a culmination of such little sleep over the last few weeks
Hold on to the picture of you and the wooden spoon in your own home cooking a roast.
IT WILL HAPPEN it just might take a little time xx

Hi Munchyseeds2,
I hope you are well today?
I havnt told anybody about me fainting just one of the residents. I don’t like to be a nuisance and I think it must just have been over tiredness .
I’ve got my wooden spoon all ready in my suitcase and it will follow me to my new home. Once I know where I’ll b and I’m there tomorrow I will order some colouring books and maybe some books. Just got a horrible dread feeling in my tummy about it all xx

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TealPoet · 28/10/2024 15:09

It’s not you saying nasty things about yourself, it’s the poisonous voice of your ex insidiously lodged in your head. Tell him to go away and that you know better than to listen to him now! Hear us all cheering you on and celebrating the beauty of you. Yes you WILL conquer, the circumstances and your ex’s nasty words!

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Imbluedalale · 28/10/2024 14:57

Apolloneuro · 28/10/2024 14:15

Each day brings you closer to the day you move into your new home my darling.

I don’t think you see what we see - you are a strong, brave, creative, kind person. You ARE a survivor.

Thank you Apolloneuro,
What lovely things to say to me. Thank you 🙏
I was telling the councillor the other day as I was showing her pictures of when I had my operation and my scars and I was telling her that whenever I see them on me like when I’m in the shower , my ex’s voice is in my head ‘put your legs away you’ll scare the flies away’ and she said I’m too hard on myself and I thought of all you lovely MN’s whichever given me so many lovely compliments and it made me think that yes a lot of the time I am too hard on myself so that’s something I need to work on . And I also thought that if I can get through this I will be able to get through anything xx

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Original poster

Imbluedalale · 28/10/2024 14:50

ChoccieCornflake · 28/10/2024 13:55

Try not to think ahead if you can, although I know that's really easy to say and hard to do! Maybe make a "wish list" (that is such a good way to refer to such things!) of things you would do if you had to be in a hotel room on your own. For example, I think mine would include ordering in my own body-weight in cheese and eating cheese biscuits all day until I slumped into a cheese-overdose sleep! A more productive thing might be to make collages of ideas for your future house though!

Hi ChoccieCornflake,
Ive got a mental image of you swanning around your office building being busy leaving a scent of black tulip everywhere you go !
I know you’re so right about trying not to think ahead and I’m getting annoyed at myself for doing so but it’s not not knowing that’s getting to me. I actually feel psychically sick about having to go back into a hotel and not knowing where I’ll be etc but I know I can’t stay here until I get a home so I’ve got to try and process that I’m leaving tomorrow .
That’s a good idea about making a wish list and I know it’s only one day out of the whole year but it’s Christmas Day and I’ll be without my children and alone , just a hard thought to think about xx

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TealPoet · 28/10/2024 14:34

Agreed! You’ve shown such strength and whilst it’s unfair for it to be tested further, you will be ok. Have you told anyone about your faint? It might be exhaustion but I’m concerned you should get checked over. Big hugs!

Munchyseeds2 · 28/10/2024 14:21

I'm so glad you got a good sleep last night.. not so pleased with the way it came about tho! Did you tell anyone??
Hopefully it was a culmination of such little sleep over the last few weeks
Hold on to the picture of you and the wooden spoon in your own home cooking a roast.
IT WILL HAPPEN it just might take a little time xx

ChoccieCornflake · 28/10/2024 14:20

^ THIS!!!!! ^

You are an absolute inspiration!

Apolloneuro · 28/10/2024 14:15

Each day brings you closer to the day you move into your new home my darling.

I don’t think you see what we see - you are a strong, brave, creative, kind person. You ARE a survivor.

ChoccieCornflake · 28/10/2024 13:55

Try not to think ahead if you can, although I know that's really easy to say and hard to do! Maybe make a "wish list" (that is such a good way to refer to such things!) of things you would do if you had to be in a hotel room on your own. For example, I think mine would include ordering in my own body-weight in cheese and eating cheese biscuits all day until I slumped into a cheese-overdose sleep! A more productive thing might be to make collages of ideas for your future house though!

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 28/10/2024 13:35

Thank you ChoccieCornflake.
I am gutted about not getting any of the houses but like I said before it just means somebody else needs them more than me. And I just keep going back to that.
I know it’s a negative feeling but I honestly don’t think I’ll be in a new home by Christmas and that thought makes me feel really sad . I’m trying not to think really far ahead but it’s hard not to sometimes. And also my children will be with their other families and I’m worried I’m going to be all on my own in a hotel room. It’s not a nice feeling .
I’m going to take the other residents numbers and keep in touch with them . Think I’ve made friends for life here .
I’m so glad you’re wearing your perfume today .
I will download that app it looks good, thank you xx

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ChoccieCornflake · 28/10/2024 13:21

Oh big hugs!!! I'm so sorry you didn't get the houses, but presumably as you were so close to the top of the list that bodes well that you will get one at some point soon.

I'm so sorry you're having to move back to a hotel, and that you have to wait until the last minute to know more. Can you get the contact details of the other lovely residents and stay in touch? Even if it's just eating cheese biscuits "together" virtually.

Also, you know we'll all be with you in spirit too - a big cloud of Black Tulip mumsnetters at your back!! (I'm wearing it today, and ploughing through a load of tedious work in a lovely fragrant cloud!)

If you like colouring in, but don't have things to colour in when you're in the hotel, I find the "Happy Color" app to be really relaxing. There are loads of different pictures on there.

Hang on in there, you're doing great!!

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 28/10/2024 13:11

Hi all,
I thought I would do a message to update you all on everything as I am not having a good day so far.

First of all I have SLEPT! I can’t believe it and I don’t know how. Late yesterday afternoon I started to feel really tired but I held on as I didn’t want to have a nap and then be up all night again. So I kept myself busy doing crafts etc and the man resident then asked me to come into the kitchen and I don’t know if you remember but we was talking about cheese and biscuits the other day and in the kitchen he had done a huge cheese platter with crackers, olive board , ham, cheese , Italian meats, crisps and dips . Awww how sweet is that. The other girl resident joined us and it was just nice to switch off for an hour and pretend we was having a tea party .
About 11pm last night I was laid on bed and thought ‘right I’m ready to try and go to sleep’ so I went to get a cup of water and toilet but when I got into the kitchen I started feeling really dizzy and fuzzy and I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other and I ended up fainting! I didn’t hurt myself too much just grazed and bruised my arm but there was nobody there , the man councillor was upstairs in the office so I managed to get back up and get back into bed and I can’t remember anything else apart from waking up at 11am this morning so I’ve had nearly 12 hours sleep!
Now onto the not so great bit….
As soon as I had woken up one of the councillors said she has been in the phone to the home treatment team to extend by stay as was only up until today it had been extended and whilst they agreed I could stay another night they are adamant I need to leave tomorrow as it’s normally only for 7 days and I’ve been here 11 upto today . So tomorrow I’m back to being homeless and having to go into a hotel. I don’t know where it will be I’m currently on hold to the council team to see what they say.
Whilst I’ve been on hold I also checked my bid for houses that I bid for last week and I didn't get any of them, I came 4th on one and 2nd on the other 2. So close yet so far.
I’ve been on the phone to the homeless team and they can’t help and find emergency accommodation until the actual day your homeless so got to call them in the morning . Going to be worried all day now though.
So yes that’s where I’m at at-the moment .

RaspberryBeretxx,
I’m glad you have had a nice weekend. Yes I got back into the craft room with the other girl and a counsellor for a few hours xx

ChoccieCornflake,
I’m so pleased you got the perfume , it smells amazing doesn’t it . I hope you enjoy it as much as I do xx

TealPoet,
Sorry to hear you had a tough day , I hope today is a better day for you. I loved reading that from fb. It’s so true , I also read yesterday ‘the people that mind don’t matter and the people that matter don’t mind’ which I liked. And is very true!xx

Munchyseeds2,
I got some sleep! I’m glad you had a good weekend and enjoyed every bit of your takeaway. And I’m trying not to worry , but I am today, a lot xx

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TealPoet · 28/10/2024 12:28

Big hugs for you! I hope you’re as ok as possible today. Keep on keeping on, we’re still with you for each step!

You inspired me to do a bit of butterfly-themed card-making; I’ll try to send a picture later :)

Munchyseeds2 · 28/10/2024 10:46

Morning lovely
Hope you are ok today and that things go smoothly for you, try not to worry and overthink to much... what will be, will be, and it's not for ever, just a means to a ( better) end.

Not going to ask if you got any sleep last night ( but hope you got a little!)

My weekend was good thanks, nothing exciting but I'm OK with that, did have a yummy Indian take away Fri night, back on the diet today😊

Take care lovely and come and talk to us if you need to

YOU ARE AMAZING XX

TealPoet · 28/10/2024 00:23

big hugs! I hope your day went well and tonight you sleep - I’m sorry I didn’t realise it had gotten so late! I’ve been having a tough day, and it makes me admire you all the more - how you keep so compassionate and fundamentally positive in the face of so much is amazing!

This was on FB that I thought was a useful reminder - we can’t control how others react to us, only what we choose to do. We obviously want to focus on doing good things, but if we are, it’s not our problem if others don’t like it! You getting treatment is a good thing, even though it comes at a high price for you of temporary separation from your DC. You know why, and you know that they are safe and well. If others don’t like that, that’s their problem!

ChoccieCornflake · 27/10/2024 22:25

Your collages are fantastic!! Im really glad you were able to do that. I hope you get some sleep tonight. When I can't sleep I try making lists of things - types of vegatable, things you might find in a car, etc. It's very tedious and I think it helps you fall asleep as your brain just wants to avoid how tedious it is!

I went to M&S today and I'm now wearing Black Tulip! Oh my word it's amazing!! I wasn't sure it was my kind of thing when I first smelled it, but as you were so enthusiastic about it, I decided to buy it anyway and give it a go. I put some on this evening and oh my word I love it!! Thank you!!

RaspberryBeretxx · 27/10/2024 20:23

Imbluedalale · 26/10/2024 17:54

Hi RaspberryBeretxx.
Hows your weekend going?
I haven't been able to pick my prescription up yet , the staff are not allowed to leave the premises so I though I could get an Uber to pick it up for me but I don’t think you can but hopefully I can get it collected on Monday.
I havnt watched tv yet but I’m going to soon , that film sounds really good , Kate Beckinsale is absolutely stunning isn’t she?
Your so right about trying to focus on the here and now , I find it hard to tbh I always worry about what’s going to happen next but I need to definitely try and focus on right now. Everything else is out of my hands at the minute so I will try my hardest to do that. Thank you
Ohhhh I love a trip to M&S especially a big one . I hope you find the perfume as it smells Devine. I’ve actually got mine on today and the 2 residents and the staff have complimented me on it. It has 5 star reviews on it everywhere too. When I get a house I’m going to treat myself to the shower gel xx

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Fingers crossed you get the prescription tomorrow. Sorry you didn't sleep much last night. I love your artwork by the way! Did you get back into the craft room today? I also love the Don't Quit poem 😍.

I'm having a good weekend thanks and enjoyed the extra hour of semi sleep (I was sort of dozing!). MN isn't letting me post anything on my phone at the moment which is annoying! I had to wait till I could get to the laptop. Maybe they're trying to make me get the app 🤔.

I went to M&S today but it's not a very big one and they didn't have the perfume 😣only their own brand ones but it's a good excuse for a shopping trip to somewhere with a bigger M&S 😆.

Everything crossed that this is the week things get better for you and you get your house and can be reunited with your children again 💕.

Original poster

Imbluedalale · 27/10/2024 13:02

TealPoet · 27/10/2024 12:41

I’m so sorry I’m late with hugs for today! I was up most of g the night being ill, and couldn’t wake up this morning. I truly hope you were able to get some sleep, and that today is going okay, whatever ups and downs it may bring.

Remember that we are here for you and proud of you!

Hi TealPoet.
Awww I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been ill through the night , you poor thing. I hope you are starting to feel better?
No sleep last night unfortunately but did a lot of crafting instead.
Thank you for being there for me it truly touches my heart xx

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