Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Need a hand hold

937 replies

Imbluedalale · 17/10/2024 23:39

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 16:36

I also reckon the hotel, however grim, will be better than being on the streets. Once your room door is closed, you are safe, even if there is all manner of stuff going on outside. You can wedge something under the door if that makes you feel safer

ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 16:34

Oh god, I'm so sorry. Can you check in to that hotel, just to tick the box, and then go somewhere like A&E? Shelter are still open for phone calls (until 6pm) so it might be worth calling them

Original poster
Imbluedalale · 29/10/2024 16:27

Still no luck, the MDT team couldn’t come up with anything. The team here have been advocating for me but the home treatment team have said no I can’t stay longer and the council won’t listen to them as they are a charity (rethink) and they are unable to accept recommendations from charities. I was told before I came here that it wouldn’t affect my homeless case but it has I’ve also been told if I don’t accept the accommodation then I will be removed from the homeless list . I have to psychically check in and check out for audit purposes Aswell as for the council to see I have accepted the accommodation provided. I’m not going there so I will just have to go on the streets I’ve no other option xx

OP posts:
RaspberryBeretxx · 29/10/2024 15:56

That's good that the MDT team are having a big meeting. It is really shit that the council are doing this to you - I can't believe they don't think access to a bath/shower is a necessity! Let alone the type of place it is. Still rooting for you and crossing fingers that they can come up with something better. Flowers

ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 15:47

If need be, the waiting room at A&E can be a safe place to be overnight

TealPoet · 29/10/2024 15:42

I know this is extreme but is there a 24 hour supermarket you can at least go into tonight if necessary? Grab a bite to eat and just keep safe? I can find a Premier Inn in Doncaster but I have no idea if it’s near you and it’s very expensive for an accessible room. I don’t travel so I don’t know where to look but surely there must be somewhere cheap (ish!) that’s safe and nearby.

ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 15:36

So many many big hugs. I'm really glad the MDT team are doing something

Original poster
Imbluedalale · 29/10/2024 15:36

RaspberryBeretxx · 29/10/2024 15:34

Can anyone at the place you're staying help at all @Imbluedalale ? I really feel for you and can't believe the council are saying it's OK. I agree with Choccie that it might help most to emphasise the disability side with the shower and lack of lift. Obviously the DV side should be just as important and valid but I'm not sure everyone thinks that way :(. Massive hugs, something has to come through for you xx.

Hi RaspberryBeretxx,
I have told the council one of the main reasons it is unacceptable is because of the shower situation and they referred this but it has come back that I don’t necessary need to actually get in the shower as long as there is washing facilities . Also they don’t deem my fear of men to be a valid reason xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Imbluedalale · 29/10/2024 15:34

ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 15:29

Massive hugs. is it worth calling the team back and mentioning the shower / disability aspect? I suspect, cynically, that something with legal weight behind it (ie disability discrimination) might get further with the council.

Hi ChoccieCornflake,
They said I don’t necessary need to use the shower as long as there are water facilities which there are! So basically have a sink wash is what there telling me. I have just been told from one of the councillors that the MDT team are currently holding a big meeting about me as they are disgusted at where they have booked me into and they think it is completely inappropriate for my needs and also with the DV. It’s also a drug haven I’ve been told where most of the drug dealing happens in Doncaster . Also is used for lorry drivers and hookers so I’m very against going. If they can’t get me anywhere else I will just have to live on the streets because being in that hotel will absolutely send me over the edge xx

OP posts:
RaspberryBeretxx · 29/10/2024 15:34

Can anyone at the place you're staying help at all @Imbluedalale ? I really feel for you and can't believe the council are saying it's OK. I agree with Choccie that it might help most to emphasise the disability side with the shower and lack of lift. Obviously the DV side should be just as important and valid but I'm not sure everyone thinks that way :(. Massive hugs, something has to come through for you xx.

ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 15:29

Massive hugs. is it worth calling the team back and mentioning the shower / disability aspect? I suspect, cynically, that something with legal weight behind it (ie disability discrimination) might get further with the council.

Original poster
Imbluedalale · 29/10/2024 15:28

ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 15:12

Blasted council! Has Andrew had any luck? Shelter (link above) might be able to advise, ie whether there is any way to make the council see it's not suitable.

The one good thing I took from those reviews was the presence of security. Not generally a good look on a hotel, but at least you know there is someone there to ensure everyone is safe.

Hi ChoccieCornflake,
Yes the security are actually ‘doormen’ because there is lots of parties there and it gets rowdy. One of the residents sons went there last year and he is an 18 year old lad and she said even he was scared and people were banging on his door all night and it’s full of piss heads 24 hours a day. There’s also no window in the room I was told. I just can’t go there knowing that 98% of the residents are men and not just men but ex prisoners, drunks and migrants xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Imbluedalale · 29/10/2024 15:22

Thank you for all the links I really appreciate it. I have spoken to my domestic abuse team and explained that the accommodation really isn’t suitable for me for a number of reasons the main one being lots of men there and they have said there is a waiting list for accommodation with them. They are suggesting I go there for the night to see how it is and then ring them tomorrow. But I can’t go there I’m shaking about the thought of it . I really don’t know what to do xx

OP posts:
ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 15:12

Blasted council! Has Andrew had any luck? Shelter (link above) might be able to advise, ie whether there is any way to make the council see it's not suitable.

The one good thing I took from those reviews was the presence of security. Not generally a good look on a hotel, but at least you know there is someone there to ensure everyone is safe.

Original poster
Imbluedalale · 29/10/2024 15:07

AdmittowearingCrocs · 29/10/2024 13:49

@Imbluedalale I am really cross that your notes/history wasn’t read and the council think the placement is appropriate.
Could you contact Womens aid or speak with your your domestic abuse worker to see if you could go into a local Womens refuge? That would provide you with a more supportive environment.
Hope “Andrew” can sort aa better placement if not!

Thank you AdmittowearingCrocs,
I feel cross too that somebody hasn’t bothered reading my notes. I have just heard back from the council and they have said that they deem it suitable accommodation for my needs. It’s called Primelodge Doncaster if you want to take a look and see for yourself xx

OP posts:
TealPoet · 29/10/2024 14:04

Oh no, that’s dreadful! Please do advocate for yourself - that isn’t ’not ideal’, that’s completely unsuitable for your needs and they’re failing you on a protected characteristic (disability). If they take longer than today to sort it out is there a budget hotel or travelodge nearby that we could maybe get you into for a night or two?

ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 14:01

Imbluedalale · 29/10/2024 13:59

Thank you Ruralretreating,
I’m not expecting 5star I know but not this , I won’t be able to get in the shower due to how small it is and I’ll be panicking all the time about all the men there. I know not all men are like ex but I’m still very uncomfortable around them until I get to know them. And I’m worried about my health with the damp and peeling paint. It’s just everything that could be wrong with it , is!
Im waiting to hear back off Andrew the woman I spoke to was quite abrupt and basically said ‘take it or leave it’ . I’m actually starting to think that being on the streets would be a better option for me xx

Show quote history

Hang on in there. They won't put you on the streets, and that would not be safe. Let Andrew see what he can do, and if no luck, there are the refuge links posted above. It's horrible, but it will be ok

ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 13:59

On a lighter note - if you get insulated mugs, your tea stays warm even if it takes you that bit longer to drink it 'cos you have twice the normal amount! Mind you, I will happing drink tea in all stages of heat from boiling to stone cold - no tea is safe from me :)

Original poster
Imbluedalale · 29/10/2024 13:59

Ruralretreating · 29/10/2024 13:45

Well done for delegating to Andrew, to get some professional input. I’m no expert but would think council have to make sure accommodation is suitable for your disability. Don’t panic yet.

Thank you Ruralretreating,
I’m not expecting 5star I know but not this , I won’t be able to get in the shower due to how small it is and I’ll be panicking all the time about all the men there. I know not all men are like ex but I’m still very uncomfortable around them until I get to know them. And I’m worried about my health with the damp and peeling paint. It’s just everything that could be wrong with it , is!
Im waiting to hear back off Andrew the woman I spoke to was quite abrupt and basically said ‘take it or leave it’ . I’m actually starting to think that being on the streets would be a better option for me xx

OP posts:
ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 13:57

Oh mate, this is the last thing you need! I really hope Andrew can sort this out. I also would assume the council have a duty to provide accommodation that is suitable. Hang on in there - it's going to be ok in the end.

RaspberryBeretxx · 29/10/2024 13:56

So sorry @Imbluedalale , that's really terrible of the council. Hopefully the fact that it is so blatantly unsuitable will work in your favour and Andrew will be able to help.

I also agree with PP who suggested Women's Aid. From Google, it looks like there are a couple of domestic abuse charities in Yorkshire/Doncaster who have refuges. I don't want to overwhelm you with links etc but just a suggestion if Andrew doesn't come through.

Thinking of you and sending you all the luck in the world to get a decent place.

@ChoccieCornflake love the 2 mugs of tea on the go at the same time! There was a "favourite mugs" thread on here a few days ago and someone linked some 1 pint mugs 😳.

AdmittowearingCrocs · 29/10/2024 13:49

@Imbluedalale I am really cross that your notes/history wasn’t read and the council think the placement is appropriate.
Could you contact Womens aid or speak with your your domestic abuse worker to see if you could go into a local Womens refuge? That would provide you with a more supportive environment.
Hope “Andrew” can sort aa better placement if not!

Ruralretreating · 29/10/2024 13:45

Well done for delegating to Andrew, to get some professional input. I’m no expert but would think council have to make sure accommodation is suitable for your disability. Don’t panic yet.

Original poster
Imbluedalale · 29/10/2024 13:38

ChoccieCornflake · 29/10/2024 10:24

You are indeed very wise, and also lovely! Proper, super, exceedingly lovely!

My day is going ok thanks! Working from home today, and I have two mugs of tea on my desk, as then I can get more tea drunk without having to walk to the kettle again. Not efficiency or wanting to avoid time out of work - just pure laziness! I reckon I could give sloths a run for their money!

I hope the council come through with a lovely hotel, and then house, for you very soon!

Thank you ChoccieCornflake.
Glad your day is going ok.
I love that you have two mugs of tea at your desk , to me that means you’re super organised, efficient and sensible! There’s no sloths around here lol 😂
My day isn’t going so great, I’ve had the council ring me back and they have put me in a hostel/hotel place. She wasn’t aware of my disability (partial paralysis) even though it’s on all my notes and I also have a letter I sent them from my oncologist regarding this and saying that careful consideration needs to be made where they put me. Anyway this hotel has no disabled rooms nor has a lift .
I have just spent time looking up the hotel and whilst I know I’m homeless and beggars can’t be choosers but it really really isn’t suitable for me. First off there’s no disabled rooms, the shower is a tiny shower and a lot of the reviews say the floor is super slippy and the doors on them are flimsy and fall on you . The hotel is used a lot of stag parties and people wanting to go for a piss up around Doncaster as it’s a cheap hotel . So a lot of men . Also it houses immigrants and is used as a halfway house for when male prisoners get released from prison so again a lot of men . Given I’ve just left a DV relationship that really isn’t ideal for me. Also there is no facilities nearby so I won’t be able to get food etc nor do they have any food facilities apart from a continental breakfast. People have stated you can’t get no sleep as people banging about and you can hear people when they walk past your door. It’s also filthy and people have stayed it’s infested with flies. There’s a lot of other things wrong with it too. I just know if I go there it’s going to have a massive detrimental effect on my mental health . I’ve just rang Andrew to say that this really isn’t ideal for me due to mental health , DV, cancer and mobility and he is going to look into it and call me back. What do I do if they can’t do anything?xx

OP posts: