Sweet Bobby - My Catfish Nightmare on Netflix. SPOILERS

My friend has a boyfriend who won't have sex with her and does everything possible to avoid intimacy with her. First said he couldn't sleep with her because he had liver cancer. Then when he couldn't keep that going any longer he told her it was a mistake and he couldn't sleep with her because he had hepatitis. When it transpired he didn't have that he then told her he can't sleep with her because he might have prostate cancer. Now he's been dragging it out for months pretending he still hasn't got the test results yet. Because of course if you're being tested because the hospital thinks you might have cancer they are really going to drag out giving you the test results indefinitely like that. Lie after lie after lie. Once he can't keep that one going anymore he will dream up another reason he can't sleep with her. But guess what? She's still with him because she believes everything he tells her. Trust me, there really are people out there who don't apply common sense even when the lies are this obvious. I don't understand why she still clings on to him myself but nothing I say makes any difference. I've come to the conclusion she's either so desperate for a boyfriend she'll put up with anything or she's just a bit of a mug.

I watched this last night and guessed it was the cousin quite early on, she was the only person that had ‘met’ with him.

I felt bad for Kirat but i do wonder at what point she would have questioned things. It seems he could have said he was living on the moon and she would have believed him.

when she saw him and spoke to him in the nightclub and he clearly had no idea who she was, that should have rang alarm bells for her.

but I felt sorry for the pressure she seemed under, to get married. Her parents seemed obsessed with her being married which I understand is cultural, but to the detriment of their daughter’s life!

This also reminds me of Mary Turner Thomson, who married a man who pretended to be in the CIA and who ultimately cost her her house and all her savings.

He turned out to be a bigamist with several wives, girlfriends and children.

The Bigamist: The True Story of a Husband's Ultimate Betrayal https://amzn.eu/d/4DFnPHF

@MrsToothyBitch

So agree with your post. I always think of the attractive woman who was taken in by a guy who claimed to be in MI6, and was a swiss banker, property developer yada yada... he managed to con her out of her life savings. I have seen her interviewed more than once, she just comes across switched on and sensible. Not needy, not vulnerable. She's written a book about it.

I didn’t realise it was initially a podcast so thanks to the posters who made reference to that. I started listening yesterday and it’s definitely more in depth than the show. Has the show misrepresented any details or is it me misinterpreting the pod? I’m sure the pod mentioned Bobby had a child soon in their relationship - not after him being in witness protection.

I've been aware of the story for awhile and actually listened to the podcast for the first time very recently, coincidental to the NF show landing.

I agree that the show goes into less detail than the pod. The pod really gets into the characters and has a lot more on Simran and on the "after" part of the story. You can see better how Kirat got taken over perniciously in the pod cast. However, even in the pod I think there are a few details that I'm surprised didn't ring alarm bells or just didn't add up. Simran got lucky with a few things. It's much harder to see something when you're in the midst though, and Simrans web was immense. I think the weight of that, the length of the con, the cultural expectations and background and the boiled frog nature of the whole thing make it very easy to understand how Kirat was mired in fake-Bobby world. I went to school with someone I could see quite easily trying something like this and she is frightening.

I do know people in real life who've had runs of bad luck so misfortune does beget misfortune but for me the Bobby narrative was too much. I like to think I would've questioned it, but again, the boiled frog analogy plus emotional attachment means I can see why Kirat didn't. I've also watched Conman on NF about that guy who pretended to be an intelligence agency operative and someone on there said you might not fall for this con, that con or another con but everyone has their specific vulnerabilities. So yes the Sweet Bobby story is frustrating but I have a lot if sympathy for Kirat.

I listened on BBC Sounds.

I can't believe she didn't mind that his supposed ex had a baby!
She just forgave him.

And didn't she wonder how he impregnated her, seeing as he was meant to be in intensive care with gunshot wounds, then a massive stroke?

If I'm honest I lost sympathy for her at the end when she was summing up, 8 years and she never met him? Didn't the parents think they should have said something beforehand? She couldn't believe it wasn't a crime but in law it isn't there's nothing tangible lost there, I don't disagree with her that it should be but she seemed to be blaming everyone else but herself and ofcourse the cousin!
Bobby is very handsome though and I feel sorry for him and his family too.

Many people who have reviewed the NF doc have said that if you haven't heard the podcast, you just think of Kirat as a stupid deluded woman, whereas the podcast goes into greater detail about the manipulation and deception and you actually feel sorry for Kirat
I agree with that

Seemed like the pressure from her community to be married got her into this mess.

Yes, @BustingBaoBun , the witness protection thing was in the podcast. I agree it was a lot more detailed, and I think some stuff got lost in the detail. For example, I'd forgotten about the baby clothes stuff, which was pure machiavellian evil shit.

I did think the podcast (which I listened to when it first came out) was much more detailed... I just don't remember the witness protection bit, can anyone who listened to the podcast confirm that this bit was in it?

It was incredible to think she was taken in like this. I think Simran was jealous of Kirat... she was a successful DJ and for whatever reason, she wanted to hurt her.
I found it awful that, at one point, Kirat and Simran were out for a meal together and Simran was messaging as Bobby to Kirat whilst sat opposite her. What a complete bitch.

We will never know the motive.

The more you think about it, the more unbelievable it is. All I can imagine is that she was desperately lonely.

I listened to the podcast and did have trouble believing anyone could be so naive over such a long period of time.

There is another podcast on BBC sounds called Love Bombed which deals with romance scammers.

I thought she was mad to allow the 24/7 open Skype!
And all the controlling shit.

Surely she wasn't so desperate for a husband that she'd allow all that?

And when she finally met him face to face she didn't ask him how he'd recovered so well from his massive stroke!

Just to add, there are plenty of people on MN who have been tricked and manipulated by their loved ones who they actually do see in real life. If a person is changing their voice and using various disguises and meeting in real life (as simran did do) , then I can see why she did fall for it .

As other posters have said, this kind of drama and story is 'normal' for some asians. I mean, I raised an eyebrow, but I know plenty of asian people who have fallen for these invisible men. We are raised on bollywood stuff. Typically yes her family were unsupportive of her grief. Maybe simran will get conveniently married off/ doing a 'big/ important' job somewhere abroad.

Definitely. I think Bobby’s family’s wealth and standing in the community and his flashy lifestyle was definitely attractive to Kirit.

Their families however didn’t move in the same social circles otherwise this ruse would have all unravelled.

I think there’s also something to be said for having to wait a week to hear each episode (at the time) - it meant you had time between episodes to think about it and formulate