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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect 4 cats to stay in utility room/study?

436 replies

notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 22:00

We have 4 cats that are causing major issues. They're constantly pooing and weeing all over the house, including in the bath. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and worried about having a baby crawling around cat mess.

The utility room and study combined are the size of 2 bedrooms and have a cat flap, so they'd still have plenty of space and outdoor access. They've had their jabs to go outside.

DH lets them roam freely 24/7, even when we're not home. I want them confined to that room, maybe let out for a couple hours in the evening under supervision.

DH loves them but they're completely uncontrollable. The mess is disgusting and I'm at my wit's end. AIBU to insist on this compromise? I'm not a cat person but I think it's reasonable. DH won't budge and it's really getting me down.

How would you handle this? Am I being unfair to the cats?

OP posts:
AgileGreenSeal · 17/10/2024 23:07

notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 22:38

Are cats around newborns bad?

Yes, you cannot have cats around newborns. Especially cats that poo and wee everywhere. Get them out of your home now.

TheOGCCL · 17/10/2024 23:06

The fundamental problem is there are too many cats, for both them and you. Each cat is a responsibility. When the baby comes, are they going to slip further down the list?

On going away, many people would say leaving cats in their own homes is less stressful and someone coming in twice a day is fine imo. If your husband is scooping poo regularly and changing the litter every few days then that’s fine too. But is he, as that sounds a lot of work.

Apart from the cat welfare issue, my red flag would be railroading you/not listening to you not wanting cats. There are plenty of threads on here about persuading a partner to get a cat and he’s just gone ahead and ended up with four?

oakleaffy · 17/10/2024 23:06

TwinklyAmberOrca · 17/10/2024 22:44

Ewww. His attraction to cats would give me the ick!

My DH is a dog person and his two dogs are his #1 priority. Me and the kids will always come second. I don't mind him preferring the dogs but it's the muddy walls and hair that I have to clean up daily.

If the dogs shat in the house it would be rehoming or divorce!!

Your DH needs to take responsibility. If they don't use the litter tray then they can't roam the house! He needs to clean it daily if they prefer it clean.

My son used to really 'dislike' cats and was a dog person.

He's completely changed since his Girlfriend has a cat. He loves the cat and cleans her litterbox and food bowls probably more regularly than his girlfriend does..they are always immaculate.

Verbena17 · 17/10/2024 23:06

If you don’t sort it, once the baby comes and if the midwife or health visitor pop round, pretty sure they’ll be making notes about a dirty/ neglectful home if there’s animal faeces everywhere.

Maybe your DH will sort out the problem if you explain the above and he realises there’s a very real chance of having a social services visit if the situation isn’t dealt with.

Original poster
notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 23:06

@Lancasterel how can you do that?

OP posts:
Original poster
notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 23:05

He's now got angry and said I'm exaggerating it;

So just for reclassification; two of them the indoor cats poo probably once a week somewhere random

The wee is often in the bath from one in particular and this is a new trend that they've done three times in the last fortnight

I still think this is massively abnormal but DY is very arrogant and is saying it isn't that often

OP posts:
Lancasterel · 17/10/2024 23:04

If they have a cat flap and spend time outdoors why don’t you train them to poo/wee out there?

Wordsmithery · 17/10/2024 23:04

Sounds like you as a family are not suited to cat ownership in any way. You don't like them and your husband isn't taking the necessary steps to meet their needs. Cats are extremely clean animals and messing everywhere is a clear sign that they are stressed and unsettled.
Find them the loving home they deserve and give your new baby the clean home he/she deserves. You'll all be happier.

category12 · 17/10/2024 23:04

notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 22:59

Two of the cats go outside my husband just said to use the toilet.

The other two are indoor cats and they have three large trays litter between them. He is now telling me he scoops it daily and changes litter completely every 2 or three days - is this unreasonable?

It doesn't sound true.

HermoniePotter · 17/10/2024 23:03

notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 22:40

When we go on holiday he leaves them for the time we are away. I tell him why doesn't he take them to Catherine's and he just says they're fine and gets someone to feed them twice a day.

He will not listen and just thinks he is right all the time

If you go on holiday are you coming back to a weeks worth of cat faeces and urine all over your home? Even if they’re kept to 2 rooms that must really smell, if they have the run of the house that’s even worse.

Your house MUST really smell and the thought of cats toileting everywhere with a baby soon to be in the house is disgusting. You can’t allow this to continue. He’d either be rehoming all the cats or I would be moving out, I couldn’t live like this.

oakleaffy · 17/10/2024 23:03

notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 22:59

Two of the cats go outside my husband just said to use the toilet.

The other two are indoor cats and they have three large trays litter between them. He is now telling me he scoops it daily and changes litter completely every 2 or three days - is this unreasonable?

He isn't telling you the truth.

If the cats had clean trays, they's be using them.

Cats fouling the house probably means their trays are dirty.

Rachie1973 · 17/10/2024 23:03

I have one lovely cat, before he was neutered he used to pee in the house, apparently ‘marking’ it. It stank. I can’t imagine the smell from 4.

Original poster
notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 23:02

I honestly don't know who cleans it when we are on hold but last time we were the cleaner came and said there were skids everywhere she cleaned up 🤮

OP posts:
AgileGreenSeal · 17/10/2024 23:02

RubyBirdy · 17/10/2024 23:00

Two major issues here - the cats are not being cared for properly and secondly it is a risk to you and your baby. I would move out until your DH has the situation sorted and the house deep cleaned.

THIS, OP.
seriously.

viques · 17/10/2024 23:01

SomeFinElse · 17/10/2024 22:13

I can’t imagine why any couple would have FOUR cats even if both parties loved cats… but when half that couple actively doesn’t like cats, and then all four cats aren’t house-trained, this set-up is bananas.

Christ knows what it’ll be like adding a baby into this crazy mix.

They have four cats because they were stupid enough to let one of their cats get pregnant TWICE.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/10/2024 23:01

notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 22:40

When we go on holiday he leaves them for the time we are away. I tell him why doesn't he take them to Catherine's and he just says they're fine and gets someone to feed them twice a day.

He will not listen and just thinks he is right all the time

Is the person who feeds them cleaning the trays as well?
Otherwise this is the height of cruelty .
I'd be saying to him I'm not going off on holiday with him unless the cats are looked after .

Mine have two trays ( brother and sister ) but his tray is huge .
They are cleaned several times a day , the female doesn't bury her pooh so you cannot leave it for any time .

Ours male is extremely stressed (he's just that type of cat) but the only time he's been outside of his tray is if he's got a fright (firework one time)

Your DH animal husbandry is quite frankly disgusting

stormsandsunshine · 17/10/2024 23:01

Incidentally, I think posters who are giving you a hard time are being unfair. You didn’t want the cats and made that clear. As well as having to live with loads of cats you didn’t want, you are now also having to live in a horrible environment which could seriously hurt your baby. This is entirely on your DH and you need to be really firm with how unacceptable his behaviour is.

Lumirubin · 17/10/2024 23:00

Google toxoplasmosis. Avoiding the litter trays isnt enough if they are using your whole house as one. You shouldn't be pregnant in that environment and cannot raise a small child in a house full of cat shit.

AgileGreenSeal · 17/10/2024 23:00

ThinWomansBrain · 17/10/2024 22:58

i don't know how long you've had them, but you/DH haven't bothered to train them - or they are just so disgusted at their trays only being cleared a couple of times a week they won't use them, and now you are planning to shut all four of them in a single room - and a small room from the sound of it.
That's both cruel and neglectful - get the poor things rehomed.

I hope that you give your baby more care and attention when it's born - or are you planning on only changing its nappy twice a week?

Edited

She shouldn’t be going anywhere near cats’ litter trays! Her husband is the supposed ‘cat lover’ - she never wanted them in the first place.

RubyBirdy · 17/10/2024 23:00

Two major issues here - the cats are not being cared for properly and secondly it is a risk to you and your baby. I would move out until your DH has the situation sorted and the house deep cleaned.

ThomasPatrickKeatingsDegas · 17/10/2024 23:00

notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 22:59

Two of the cats go outside my husband just said to use the toilet.

The other two are indoor cats and they have three large trays litter between them. He is now telling me he scoops it daily and changes litter completely every 2 or three days - is this unreasonable?

His lying is. He’s told you every three days, then every two and now daily. 🤔

ThomasPatrickKeatingsDegas · 17/10/2024 22:59

tbh I’d leave him. Neglecting animals is an ENORMOUS red flag. If you want to say I’d just say it’s me or the cats. I’d then get your house professionally cleaned by a company with experience dealing with cat hoarding houses, because that’s what they are going to have to clean and sterilise.

Absolutely awful to the cats and to you. He must have an enormous bank account to warrant sticking around. I’d have had the ick long since.

Original poster
notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 22:59

Two of the cats go outside my husband just said to use the toilet.

The other two are indoor cats and they have three large trays litter between them. He is now telling me he scoops it daily and changes litter completely every 2 or three days - is this unreasonable?

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 17/10/2024 22:58

@notaurewhatusername Are the cats wormed regularly?
If they are not, the poo is a worm contamination risk.

AgileGreenSeal · 17/10/2024 22:58

Honestly I would refuse to live in a house like that, especially while pregnant. That’s horrible for you.

When I was expecting my fourth child I went right off our cats and they had to live outside from then on. I couldn’t even look at them, they just turned my stomach. You have my sincere sympathy.