To be devastated that my husband won't let our 2yo be a 2yo

She wasn't colouring in while a bed time story was being read though? She went to pick a second book and got told off for it.

She also got told off for

Splashing water in the bath, tipping her crayons out whilst colouring and not looking straight ahead while drinking

But apparently this means the OP is a terrible mother with no boundaries and the 2 year-old is being manipulative because she cried when shouted at by Dad for doing the above.

It just needs a reframe in my opinion.

Daddy comes in and says 'I can see you and mummy have been busy, Time to put all this lego away now to get ready for dinner. Can you help me put all the lego back in the box. What did you make with the lego today? Do you think we can get all the pieces in before I count to ten?

Why would she be colouring while she has a bedtime story? That makes no sense to me and I wouldn't want wet bath toys being thrown out the bath either. Do you have any boundaries for her? Or is she just allowed to do whatever she pleases because she's 2? She can be gently taught at this age that bath toys stay in the bath and bedtime stories are for relaxing and listening to.

I'm definitely not a man.

Well the very scathing reply after mine was definitely a man. Read that one.

He works full time, I'm a SAHM. When he gets home around 6-7 the house is a mess because I've been looking after our DD all day and cooked dinner (so DD would have been playing with her toys in the same room as I cook). My husband likes to bring this up in arguments or if there's a particularly big pile of toys sigh, roll his eyes, say something like "you girls have been busy" or "daddy's going to have to clean this up now eh". The reality is, yes daddy has to clean this up because I will tidy up the kitchen area after DC mealtime and prepare her for bed, then put her to bed. Of course, as she's 2 she understands what's being said and I don't want her to grow up to the sound of "urgh don't get your toys out" "no don't tip all the pencils out of your box" - if she's drawing she needs her pencils. The house is never dirty, just mess in the sense of toys scattered. And if I ever have him watch her he will keep getting grumpy at her every time she tries to take a toy out - LILLY, NO! Urghhh why did you get your legos! If she spills a drink "LOOK FORWARDS when you're eating" or "why did you tip that??" I've tried explaining that kids play, that part of their development is dropping things and exploring how they fall, that she's excited to play with her toys as she should be.

There's no way he can do bedtime duty because it would just stress her out - for example during bedtime stories if she gets out a second book or tries to colour and tips her pencils out, he will complain at her. The bath - same - why are you splashing water everywhere, why did you throw that bath toy out, now I'm all wet.

To avoid a drip feed I'll add that I'm a SAHM because we both saved £££ before having our DD, so no he isn't fully funding me. My family have also helped out financially so allow me to be a SAHM as it's always been my dream. We have a cleaner who comes 2 times per week to deep clean (whereas I do more of a daily surface clean) so the house is clean, hygienic and safe.

He works full time, I'm a SAHM. When he gets home around 6-7 the house is a mess because I've been looking after our DD all day and cooked dinner (so DD would have been playing with her toys in the same room as I cook). My husband likes to bring this up in arguments or if there's a particularly big pile of toys sigh, roll his eyes, say something like "you girls have been busy" or "daddy's going to have to clean this up now eh". The reality is, yes daddy has to clean this up because I will tidy up the kitchen area after DC mealtime and prepare her for bed, then put her to bed. Of course, as she's 2 she understands what's being said and I don't want her to grow up to the sound of "urgh don't get your toys out" "no don't tip all the pencils out of your box" - if she's drawing she needs her pencils. The house is never dirty, just mess in the sense of toys scattered. And if I ever have him watch her he will keep getting grumpy at her every time she tries to take a toy out - LILLY, NO! Urghhh why did you get your legos! If she spills a drink "LOOK FORWARDS when you're eating" or "why did you tip that??" I've tried explaining that kids play, that part of their development is dropping things and exploring how they fall, that she's excited to play with her toys as she should be.

There's no way he can do bedtime duty because it would just stress her out - for example during bedtime stories if she gets out a second book or tries to colour and tips her pencils out, he will complain at her. The bath - same - why are you splashing water everywhere, why did you throw that bath toy out, now I'm all wet.

To avoid a drip feed I'll add that I'm a SAHM because we both saved £££ before having our DD, so no he isn't fully funding me. My family have also helped out financially so allow me to be a SAHM as it's always been my dream. We have a cleaner who comes 2 times per week to deep clean (whereas I do more of a daily surface clean) so the house is clean, hygienic and safe.

Sorry, OP - Please ignore the women still living in the 1950's and bowing down to their Masters men.

Kick him out. Pack him a bag and when he comes home be waiting for him. Tell him "Before you start you need to make a choice - Should you start on our child and the toys I will make it perfectly clear that you can take this bag and leave without argument. This will be the case every day until you stop with your mental abuse and aggression. Do you understand?" Leave no room for argument and do not get into arguing with him, explaining, or justifications.

Put your foot down.

@PrincessOfPreschool

"And no, I wouldn't say a partner (male or female) who's been working all day should do 50% of parenting and housework if the other parent is a stay at home parent"

Hmmm... so being with a child all day isn't work / hard work? I'd say sitting on your bottom and replying to a few emails, whilst being able to go to the toilet alone and eat your lunch without being asked "mummy wipe mummy more water mummy" is a lot less intense! Not saying it's nicer or more pleasurable - I hated employment - but it's far easier and less tiring

You'd do that, would you? Really? Or is it just something you spout anonymously whilst sitting behind your keyboard.....🤦
Maybe not....

Sorry, OP - Please ignore the women still living in the 1950's and bowing down to their Masters men.

Kick him out. Pack him a bag and when he comes home be waiting for him. Tell him "Before you start you need to make a choice - Should you start on our child and the toys I will make it perfectly clear that you can take this bag and leave without argument. This will be the case every day until you stop with your mental abuse and aggression. Do you understand?" Leave no room for argument and do not get into arguing with him, explaining, or justifications.

Put your foot down.

He works full time, I'm a SAHM. When he gets home around 6-7 the house is a mess because I've been looking after our DD all day and cooked dinner (so DD would have been playing with her toys in the same room as I cook). My husband likes to bring this up in arguments or if there's a particularly big pile of toys sigh, roll his eyes, say something like "you girls have been busy" or "daddy's going to have to clean this up now eh". The reality is, yes daddy has to clean this up because I will tidy up the kitchen area after DC mealtime and prepare her for bed, then put her to bed. Of course, as she's 2 she understands what's being said and I don't want her to grow up to the sound of "urgh don't get your toys out" "no don't tip all the pencils out of your box" - if she's drawing she needs her pencils. The house is never dirty, just mess in the sense of toys scattered. And if I ever have him watch her he will keep getting grumpy at her every time she tries to take a toy out - LILLY, NO! Urghhh why did you get your legos! If she spills a drink "LOOK FORWARDS when you're eating" or "why did you tip that??" I've tried explaining that kids play, that part of their development is dropping things and exploring how they fall, that she's excited to play with her toys as she should be.

There's no way he can do bedtime duty because it would just stress her out - for example during bedtime stories if she gets out a second book or tries to colour and tips her pencils out, he will complain at her. The bath - same - why are you splashing water everywhere, why did you throw that bath toy out, now I'm all wet.

To avoid a drip feed I'll add that I'm a SAHM because we both saved £££ before having our DD, so no he isn't fully funding me. My family have also helped out financially so allow me to be a SAHM as it's always been my dream. We have a cleaner who comes 2 times per week to deep clean (whereas I do more of a daily surface clean) so the house is clean, hygienic and safe.

If that’s all a stay at home mum does then no wonder all the research suggests kids raised by them are the most likely to benefit from full time professional care.

You're on a losing streak.

Working Moms despise stay at home Moms more than working Dads do.

Based on their logic, they are entitled to come home to clean house, quiet children and freshly prepared meals and shouldn't be expected to lift a finger. You should know this and so should your two year old

The role of a stay at home parent is to look after the child, feed them, clean them and play with them, getting some jobs done when it's possible. Tidying toys through the day when needed and starting or finishing getting dinner ready

It's not to pick up all the house chores and childcare all of the time because their partner works 35 hours a week and refuses to help when they come home

He’s not raging at the child. Stop exaggerating. I, for one, have not said anything about “male authority” or that the child is manipulating her parents either. Kids can be taught expectations gently - he’s not screaming at the kid or hitting the kid, or anything close to it, so what’s the problem? Always pandering to a child, never telling them to tidy, or not do something naughty, is how you create snowflakes. My is good cop here, dad is bad cop.. that dynamic is fine and healthy as neither is extreme.

@PrincessOfPreschool

"And no, I wouldn't say a partner (male or female) who's been working all day should do 50% of parenting and housework if the other parent is a stay at home parent"

Hmmm... so being with a child all day isn't work / hard work? I'd say sitting on your bottom and replying to a few emails, whilst being able to go to the toilet alone and eat your lunch without being asked "mummy wipe mummy more water mummy" is a lot less intense! Not saying it's nicer or more pleasurable - I hated employment - but it's far easier and less tiring

And there's my point proven.

Wow, you aren't very nuanced. There's a big difference between doing 50% (in total) and never lifting a finger. My DH did loads and I would say he definitely worked harder than me including his job. But he had a point about me having better boundaries with the kids and being a little tidier. I see that with hindsight, less so when I was busy being defensive.

@PrincessOfPreschool

"And no, I wouldn't say a partner (male or female) who's been working all day should do 50% of parenting and housework if the other parent is a stay at home parent"

Hmmm... so being with a child all day isn't work / hard work? I'd say sitting on your bottom and replying to a few emails, whilst being able to go to the toilet alone and eat your lunch without being asked "mummy wipe mummy more water mummy" is a lot less intense! Not saying it's nicer or more pleasurable - I hated employment - but it's far easier and less tiring

And it's attitudes like this that supports the tripe of stay at home parenting as being worthless because it's not as tiring or as important as other work.

I couldn't be married to someone who didn't lift a finger and participate in parenting because he deemed his working job to be his only input needed for the family.

When both parents are home, they are both responsible for chores and childcare, why wouldn't you want to live equally?

Getting passive aggressive and unable to communicate and getting to the point of scolding a two year old for splashing in the bath and making her cry at bedtime, a because you needed to put away some crayons is not normal behaviour.

I'm not a man but now my children are older, I recognise that my DH had a point and a compromise would have been better all round.

And no, I wouldn't say a partner (male or female) who's been working all day should do 50% of parenting and housework if the other parent is a stay at home parent.

It's quite depressing really how low the bar is for men.

I'm wondering why this poster is getting a hard time for getting her husband to put toys in a box and pencil crayons away yet any other woman who starts a thread about this would have been told that the husband should still, quite rightly, be doing 50% of housework and parenting

He's passive aggressive, is unable to parent or communicate with his 2 year old appropriately and yet this is suddenly acceptable?

Or I'm going to take a wild guess that aall the posters defending him are also men that have popped up following the supermoon and are chomping at the bit to justify such shitty male behaviour

It's possible for women to simply have different opinions and that different people on a very busy website will post on different threads.

It doesn't mean that they are all men.