Visitors after giving birth

Short visits is the compromise here. Banning them entirely is unfair.

You take the opportunity to have a shower or a lie down whilst they are there and DH does the hosting.

Mum and baby come first, that rule is absolute, baby is small and vunerable and needs to establish close bonds with their primary caregivers.
It's of absolutely no benefit to the baby to have their grandparents visit in the first week, it's either neutral, or harmful if it distresses their mummy, as babies pick up on emotions.
If Dad or Grandparents insist then they are prioritising thenself over baby and mum, and not the people you need around.
With our first I did 'the expected' and my parents, inlaws, our adult siblings all came and visited, I was exhausted, in pain and trying to establish breastfeeding, it was really tough.

With 2nd, I was much clearer with boundaries. My husband was with me in the hospital, and my mum visited for 1 hour to support me post c section, to allow my husband to go home, get a quick shower clean clothes for him and me and come back. In laws, my Dad and siblings did not visit until about 10 days post birth.

I’m about to have my 3rd and find the entitlement around meeting a new baby so weird.

I’ve never had specific rules around when people can come.

I come home the same day baby is born and PIL are there because they have been looking after our dog/ other DC. We usually have a take away. I adore my MIL though, if I didn’t I wouldn’t have any trouble going straight to my room and making it clear that they were not welcome to stay.

My family are good at texting to say let us know when you’re up for visitors and then it’s down to me to decide when I feel up for it.

Everyone I know is very respectful and no one is pushy, in a rush or comes round multiple times. If they did I would not hesitate implementing a no visitors rule until X weeks.

You are the most important person in this situation. You are the one recovering. You are the one in pain. You are the one who is vulnerable, tired and most likely in a state of constant undress. You decide when and for how long you want visitors. Do not be pushed into people pleasing at the detriment of your own well being. Send some photos, that’s enough for the time being.

I can see both sides. You need to feel comfortable and you definitely shouldn’t be hosting, your husband can do that. Equally, a grandchild is a massive joy in most families so I understand they’d want to see the baby too. In my circle of family and friends we all saw each other’s babies multiple times immediately after the births but no one expected to be hosted. I’d have a shower when someone was round, they’d bring food so I didn’t have to worry about cooking, it was lovely and really works for us. I get that not everyone has that dynamic.

I think this is one of those things that just comes down to what you are personally comfortable with. I felt ok after having my son and was dying to introduce him to his extended family so I would have had anyone around (and I did). If your in-laws make you uncomfortable then it's ok set different boundaries but I can see why your husband would struggle with it.

Why do people think that because they are a GP they have the right to see the baby straight away? It’s madness to me.
GP aren’t the kids parent, they can wait a bit if need be. If baby’s mum wants a week to herself first, she should be able to call the shots.

I think I might do this for my second baby.

No it won't apply to my mum, because she's my mum so I could happily sit there in just my pants being a mess but wouldn't feel comfortable doing that with my PIL.

I don't think they would overstay their welcome mind you, but I'm not going to be pushed into doing it on the day we are discharged this time!

"It's mean not to let grandparents meet the baby becuase they're excited." OP is being cut open and a new baby pulled out of her. Her hormones hit the floor, she's in pain, bleeding, potentially trying to establish breastfeeding. How the hell does anybody else's wants trump hers.

People can visit the baby when the mother of the baby feels comfortable seeing them.

I know I’ll be sore, knackered, milk coming in etc and would rather be able to sit around in my pjs making no effort. My in-laws aren’t the sort of people you can do this around!

My MIL is like that but my attitude is tough shit. What are they going to do? Bitch behind your back? Who cares.
Let them come round but keep it on your terms.

Well it does feel mean to deny one set of grand parents and not the other based on breast feeding. Take the baby to another room.

Me and my husband had a no visitors for 2 weeks rule when our baby was born.

On day 13 I finally felt ready for visitors and was really excited about the family coming to meet her. Before then I'd spent a large portion of every day crying and couldn't have handled visitors so was glad I told them to stay away.

It was perfect for us s and if we have another id do it again.

Let them come for an hour once or twice. I wouldn't bother to get dressed though if you don't want to. Let your husband look after them, smile and nod at them for an hour and let them coo over the baby then retire to your room gracefully with the baby.

Probably go with day 4 onwards once you're more organised less off painkillers and have got started with feeding. Keep the first 3 days for yourselves. You're probably in hospital for 2 of them anyway

It might be nice for your other child to see grandparents too - they can stay a bit longer to spend time with him when you go off to sort baby?

It's your husband that's being the toddler.

I think it's a bit mean to not let them meet the baby but short visits, 30 mins or so and no more than. Twice in the first 10 days or so

Would he be happy to host your parents immediately after having a vasectomy?

It's a much less invasive procedure, with much shorter recovery time and he wouldn't be a toddler about it would he?

Put your foot down. A new baby will still be a new baby in a week so grandparents will have to contain their excitement until then. I don’t think being grandparents give them any more rights in that initial period than anyone else. Your recovery is the priority here. I do think people forget that because of baby but in no other circumstance where you’ve had an invasive medical procedure would you be made to accept visitors unless you wanted them. Your husband can sod off.

I gave birth in June and had an episiotomy and MIL visited day 2 which I hated. I was exhausted, emotional and in pain. The last thing I needed was someone coming to the house. If there is a next time I will be more firm with DP in regard to visitors.

Your parents are different because they are there to support you (in most cases). Most mums need their mums for emotional and physical support after childbirth - it’s natural.

If this also applies to your family, the. I don't see why not.

But seems a shame to miss out of the excitement of people meeting baby. Stay I. Your pjs and sod what they think xxx

Because looking shit and whipping your engorged tits out around your mum is the same as around your PIL right? And PIL the OP has already explained aren't ok with her being in her PJs and unkemp

I will accept all food graciously but jesus I wouldn't expect anyone to do laundry! 😅

Everyone's family / in laws are different. If they can't be trusted not to come round with a lasagne, do some laundry and then leave after an hour then don't have them.

I think I would have grandparents for a short visit - you just need to be clear and say we'd love you to pop in for an hour but that you are recovering from a c section and won't be up to much. Nothing wrong with pj's and make sure DH is in charge of providing cups of tea and making sure they don't outstay their welcome. Just say it's feeding/nap time for you and baby now and disappear off upstairs!

I'm with you OP. I had no visitors for a week with my first baby a few weeks ago, also a C section, and am planning to do the same again when our next baby arrives in a few months.

You will never get this time back again. It's up to you and your husband to work out how to best prioritise what is best for your family of four, but I really think given you are also recovering from major surgery your wishes are key.

I also wanted privacy establishing breastfeeding, didn't want to be entertaining post surgery and just didn't care so much what other people thought. There were a few raised eyebrows but all was soon forgotten once they met baby a short week later.

Do what is right for you!

Yeah sounds like letting them visit at the hospital may be a good compromise as a way of giving yourself more time when you get home.

I gave birth last year and I was only allowed 2 visitors during visiting hour. This means that OP's hospital might be the same. I chose my parents and I felt comforted by them after a long labour. Mil wasn't happy about waiting a few days but I didn't care.

My in laws visited at the hospital as I was in overnight after a c section, that worked well as it kept it short and sweet. They then couldn’t moan when I went home we didn’t see them for a week or so.