Visitors after giving birth

Oh grow up.

But if she's happy to 'demand' things she might as well 'demand' whatever is in her best interests, if she's going to be seen as demanding anyway!

You can't argue that it's on her to set her own boundaries but that her boundaries have to be the ones that suit other people.

Typically when people have medical problems or surgeries we accept that they can come first for a few days at least. I really struggle to see how the needs of an injured, exhausted, patient in pain - because that is what she will be - are less important than the needs of some demanding in-laws who want to coo over a baby IMMEDIATELY. They can wait.

So true.
People who aren't respectful enough to wait until you are ready are unlikely to be respectful of your boundaries when they visit.

Exactly. My MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot. When my son was born she expected meals, drinks and wouldn’t give me privacy to breastfeed (infact she sent other family members up to my bedroom where she knew I was feeding so they could meet him asap rather than wait 30 mins or so). Some of my most stressful moments that I recall in that newborn period involve her and I wasn’t about to do it again.

*muggart *

The OP is certainly perfectly happy to demand things so all she needs to do is say she’ll be wearing what she wants and retiring to her room for a bit. If the in laws don’t like it they know why they can do and then it will be them choosing to not see the baby.
the issue is that some new mothers are so neurotic they cannot envisage being away from their baby for half an hour even in the same house so the in laws visit has to involve them.

🙄

Speaking of utter bitches..

OP, if that's what you want then put your foot down.

As PP have said your baby will still be a newborn in a week, and if the GPs think their relationship with their DGC will be so damaged by them not being there in the first 7 days.. Well, then it's just a control issue isn't it.

I think you're entirely reasonable to want to be left alone for the first week or so. Your husband is an arse. Everyone can wait.

I say do what you want! It's your baby

Newborns don’t go stale. They’ll still be newborn in one week, two weeks, or god forbid, more.

I had a long labour ending in an EMCS then several days backwards and forwards to hospital with complications. After a week we started to have visits and it was too soon, I felt like I’d been run over and didn’t enjoy the visits at all. No that didn’t include my DM, who was helping me get to grips with breastfeeding, the searing pain in my wound and the catheter bag I came home with. People who can’t see the difference between a DM being there to help vs in-laws visiting are hard of thinking.

OP, you are the most important person in this situation. Keeping you comfortable and at ease is best for you and best for your new baby. I’d find it hard to respect a partner who called you a name rather than tried to protect you at such a
vulnerable time.

You certainly don’t need to be up and dressed and looking glamorous or waiting on them at all.

That's the point @Gymrabbit , some in laws will expect that. The OP allowed her in laws over with her first child and specifically has learned from that experience that she'll have to be photographed and play host if they are there.

This Topic comes up so often on here and I always think the same.
People who want to deny their parents the chance to see their new borns must absolutely hate their parents and in-laws and be utterly selfish and self obsessed.
I remember the joy in my parents faces when they held this tiny thing and think it would have been downright cruel to deny them that for a week or more.
and the mums who are happy to let their parents visit but not their husbands parents, seriously what utter bitches.
just to be clear if you are not up to visitors that’s totally fair enough, go to bed and then your parents and in-laws can see and cuddle the baby downstairs with your partner. You certainly don’t need to be up and dressed and looking glamorous or waiting on them at all.

Get them to visit in hospital - visiting times are short and then they can leave.
I had loads of visitors when I got home (also post c section) and I wish I had been more firm looking back. People obviously with good intentions kept taking my baby off me and when you've got really bad baby blues, limited mobility and in pain this is really difficult to deal with.

https://www.dontbuyherflowers.com/motherhood/pulling-up-the-drawbridge/

This was the article I literally read out to my husband xx

You are being completely reasonable.
I felt exactly the same as you, told my husband and his reaction was almost identical.
In the end, I literally stayed in bed with DD for two weeks. I struggled with bf and an infection in my c section wound and would not have been able to manage with visits from my MIL who everyone has to wait on.
I showed him the article Steph from Don’t Buy Her Flowers wrote and finally he got it.
Trust your gut, it’s your time to bond. You don’t need the hassle xx

I completely agree. One of my reasons for actually postponing visitors was people coming to fawn over my baby, with little consideration to the fact I would be recovering from major surgery as the person who had given birth to the baby.

In Indian cultures support is often provided from both sides of the family. Mil is to support dad (and sometimes the baby too) and DMs are to support Mum. I think that way is better. During Sil’s traumatic births DB was shell shocked (she had multiple serious complications and was on the high dependancy ward, both babies almost died) and without Mum being there to provide practical help during her sections he would have cracked. I think DMs forget how stressful a difficult birth can be for their parthers who are then expected to pick up all the pieces and stifle their own trauma too. DB had ptsd for a long time.

That's crazy! My hospital were very strict with visiting hour. They set a precise time so visitors couldn't come whenever. They also limited it to 2 visitors and probably asked who visitors were when they buzzed in.

The hospital I had my baby in earlier this week had open visiting between 1pm and 10pm and although they said it was 2 visitors per bed (not including birth partner) I often saw people have 3 or 4 people and at one point 5 😳

When we were in this situation I firmly told my husband that when it’s him who’s having the c-section he gets to decide on visitors. It was a non-negotiable. I was scared of making his family feel pushed out so I told both sides that we would let them know when we were ready for visitors and refused to commit, to make it fair. Everyone lived hours away so I wasn’t concerned about drop-in visits. My reasoning was that if I was in pain, bleeding, crying, leaking milk all over the place then my DH would surely have enough sense to support me when telling people they have to wait to come as I’m having a rough time of it. And if I wasn’t and felt up to visitors he wouldn’t exactly be upset.

I called my mum in tears 2 days before my section and begged her to come. I was so scared and I just needed my mum. I told DH and he was like “what about my mum?” And my reply was “when it’s you giving birth and having major surgery, I have no issue her being here.” That shut him up. Thank goodness my mum came. My waters went the morning of my section and DH panicked and ran to get her, she brought supplies to the hospital when we had to stay in longer (DH stayed with me) and second night home when DS screamed for 10 hours and I was sobbing and DH was about the same, she took him and let us both catch up on some much needed sleep. She even helped me with showering, breastfeeding, dressing etc while DH saw to the baby - absolutely no way would I have wanted anyone else to do that for me.

The day of my section DHs family chat was blowing up with messages from MIL constantly asking for updates, any time yet etc. I didn’t mind at first (there’s not much to do in triage!). But it seemed like every 15 minutes there was another MIL message asking for news. I tried to stop it from bothering me as I knew she was just excited, but it did start to grate as we’d told her we’d let her know when we knew anything. I looked at my phone after surgery and saw the messages hadn’t stopped and eventually a message from my SIL (DHs brothers wife) firmly telling MIL to calm down and if baby is here to let us have our own family time to bond and we’ll no doubt tell everyone when we’re ready!

I was in for 48 hours and it was nice knowing I’d not put a timeline on visitors as it took the pressure off, but once I got home with DS I was surprised how well I felt and how up and about I was, so I asked DH to get his mum down the next day. I knew it was important to him she came as soon as I felt able. Her face when my mum opened the door made it apparent she hadn’t know she’d been there since before the birth (DH hadn’t told her even though it wasn’t exactly a secret). I did feel bad but also I refused to feel guilty as she was there for me and I needed my mum.

Edited to add: no visitors to the hospital except my mum, as Covid restrictions were still in place. If I had another now and was only in 1 or 2 nights I’d just have a blanket ban on hospital visitors, as that is too much pressure

So your argument is that OP's PILs don't care about her at all so they should definitely be allowed to visit straight after the birth? I don't think that's the winning argument you think it is. OP probably doesn't want to stay upstairs on her own without her baby purely for the convenience of her in-laws.

I gave birth last year and was only allowed 2 visitors per day for an hour. I was in hospital for a few days and chose my parents. We told in laws to wait a few days. Wish we'd waited longer as I'd only been discharged for a day when they came round.

I think the posters above who are suggesting that you ask you in laws to visit you must've given birth quite a long time ago because having lots of visitors isn't allowed now and new mums feel confident to say they want privacy.

Tell him he can have your c section performed on him instead and then he can be hosting people wanting to come in early days.