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Original poster

DH accidentally hit DD(7) and left a mark. Do we tell the school what happend?

212 replies

N0b0dyhere · 17/10/2024 21:14

Firstly, this truly was an accident. We are both very against physical punishments. He was extremely apologetic to DD when it happened and he feels extremely guilty. She is okay, just a bit shaken and says it stings.

DD(7) is autistic and was having a very big meltdown. During these she can become violent and she was trying to hit us with anything she could find. DH went to slap one of the objects away and accidently caught her instead, hard enough to leave the raised imprint of 3 of his fingers.

We want to get ahead of this by telling the teacher about the incident as it'll likely be seen in PE. But will it be reported? They are fully aware of DD's meltdowns and are trying to support as much as they can but just looking at the mark from an outside perspective I'd probably think the worst.

OP posts:
MabelsBeats · 17/10/2024 21:29

They will have to report you to social services. Think carefully about this.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 17/10/2024 21:28

Scutterbug · 17/10/2024 21:27

Yes tell them, it must have been quite hard to leave finger marks.
When my daughter was in reception, my husband was cooking. He drained the potatoes, put them back in the pan to mash. Turned round to put it in the counter and she walked past at the same time and it hit her on the head. She had a small burn.
The next day I forgot to mention it to the teacher and then got a call asking me to go in. Dd was asked about the incident and calmly said “ daddy hit me over the head with a hot saucepan!”.

Omg!!! What did they say when you went in?! Kids 🙈 x

MumOfOneAllAlone · 17/10/2024 21:27

I would be very honest and tell them op - accidents happen with our sen kids

Mine once jumped on her bed, threw herself back and hit her head on the headboard and split it open

Had to go to a&e and i was super nervous as its just us and she's pre verbal

They were understanding and could obviously see what had happened. I'm sure that a school that knows you and her, and knows about her meltdowns, will understand xx

Scutterbug · 17/10/2024 21:27

Yes tell them, it must have been quite hard to leave finger marks.
When my daughter was in reception, my husband was cooking. He drained the potatoes, put them back in the pan to mash. Turned round to put it in the counter and she walked past at the same time and it hit her on the head. She had a small burn.
The next day I forgot to mention it to the teacher and then got a call asking me to go in. Dd was asked about the incident and calmly said “ daddy hit me over the head with a hot saucepan!”.

NotEnoughRoom · 17/10/2024 21:23

I’m sure your DH feels awful, but please be honest with the school about what happened.

If she has, or may have, meltdowns at school, they may need to adapt their own plans to support her and looks after their staff more effectively.

as your DD gets older/bigger, you may need more support or different strategies to manage her meltdowns and school may also be able to help you access that.

Aduvetday · 17/10/2024 21:23

They will have to report - yes.

Ivehearditbothways · 17/10/2024 21:20

If this is the complete truth, then I might keep my kid off sick until it’s faded. Just because the school are mandated reporters so they will have to report.

What’s important is finding a way to manage the meltdowns without risking hitting her so this doesn’t happen again.

Pandasnacks · 17/10/2024 21:19

I'd tell them. Slapping something away in defence hard enough to leave a 3 finger imprint on skin isn't something you can avoid explaining, it sounds like excessive force (I'm not saying it is, i have no experience of handing meltdowns and I'm not judging your DH). To professionals who no your child this will probably make total sense but I think it's best for you to be honest and clear it was an accident.

ShowOfHands · 17/10/2024 21:19

Tell them. Be completely frank. If they do take any steps, I'd hope they'd be in the direction of trying to help you and adding this to the picture of her needs.

moddinner · 17/10/2024 21:19

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MyNameIsErinQuin · 17/10/2024 21:16

Yes, being transparent about these things is always best.

Imperfectionist · 17/10/2024 21:15

Yes honesty is the best policy especially in this case. Hopefully the school will continue or ramp up support.

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