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Original poster

DH accidentally hit DD(7) and left a mark. Do we tell the school what happend?

212 replies

N0b0dyhere · 17/10/2024 21:14

Firstly, this truly was an accident. We are both very against physical punishments. He was extremely apologetic to DD when it happened and he feels extremely guilty. She is okay, just a bit shaken and says it stings.

DD(7) is autistic and was having a very big meltdown. During these she can become violent and she was trying to hit us with anything she could find. DH went to slap one of the objects away and accidently caught her instead, hard enough to leave the raised imprint of 3 of his fingers.

We want to get ahead of this by telling the teacher about the incident as it'll likely be seen in PE. But will it be reported? They are fully aware of DD's meltdowns and are trying to support as much as they can but just looking at the mark from an outside perspective I'd probably think the worst.

OP posts:
MumOfOneAllAlone · 17/10/2024 21:50

Scutterbug · 17/10/2024 21:47

Fortunately when I explained they saw the funny side!

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Aha thank goodness! X

OoodlesofNoodles · 17/10/2024 21:50

N0b0dyhere · 17/10/2024 21:48

That's my main concern about keeping her off, if she did tell them why she didn't go in, it could make it 10 times worse.

We will see how bad it is in the morning and go from there, hopefully it fades by then. But we likely will go in an explain what happened. It might be a terrible idea but it might lead to DD having more support.

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What a worry for you, I really hope everything works out ok 😄.

kittensinthekitchen · 17/10/2024 21:49

Why were you off school on Friday?

My mum said I had to stay home because my dad hit me and I had a mark, but it's okay it's gone now.

Fucking brilliant idea!!

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/10/2024 21:49

sprigatito · 17/10/2024 21:42

It absolutely is their business. Staff are trained (or should be) to recognise finger mark bruising and they are obliged to report it.

OP just be straight with them. You aren't the first parents to have this sort of accident dealing with a violent meltdown and being up front about it will look a lot less sinister than covering it up.

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Thankfully they aren't. My DS has new marks and bruises several times a week, presumably most kids do. Who is making, reading, investigating all these reports?

moddinner · 17/10/2024 21:48

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WhosPink · 17/10/2024 21:48

I would absolutely not be volunteering any information. Be honest if they ask, but chances are they won't notice.

BirthdayRainbow · 17/10/2024 21:48

I got a call from the secondary school my son was at after he told the staff about something my now ex h had done. They asked if something had happened. I assumed it was this and just told the truth. There was no issue as they could tell I wasn't protecting my then h. Truth always. If you keep her off and it comes out later you'll look guilty. Him hitting out to knock something out of her hand needs to be looked at. There has to be a better way.

Original poster
N0b0dyhere · 17/10/2024 21:48

OoodlesofNoodles · 17/10/2024 21:42

The thing with this is will she go back into school and tell them what happened, then keeping her off may make it look worse?

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That's my main concern about keeping her off, if she did tell them why she didn't go in, it could make it 10 times worse.

We will see how bad it is in the morning and go from there, hopefully it fades by then. But we likely will go in an explain what happened. It might be a terrible idea but it might lead to DD having more support.

OP posts:
Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 17/10/2024 21:47

Ivehearditbothways · 17/10/2024 21:20

If this is the complete truth, then I might keep my kid off sick until it’s faded. Just because the school are mandated reporters so they will have to report.

What’s important is finding a way to manage the meltdowns without risking hitting her so this doesn’t happen again.

Absolutely do not keep your kid off school. This would be seen as a red flag if dd mentions it later.

Be honest and open with school. They will advise the next steps.

Scutterbug · 17/10/2024 21:47

MumOfOneAllAlone · 17/10/2024 21:28

Omg!!! What did they say when you went in?! Kids 🙈 x

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Fortunately when I explained they saw the funny side!

hotpotlover · 17/10/2024 21:45

If this is truly what happened and it was a one-off, don't tell the school and keep her off until it's faded.

You could have social services in your life for the foreseeable future.

Silviasilvertoes · 17/10/2024 21:44

Moonshiners · 17/10/2024 21:35

Not always my autistic son never has once been told off at school. He is such a rule follower away from the home and has a huge fear of authority. He saves it all for home and has the biggest meltdowns.

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Solidarity @Moonshiners

EddyF · 17/10/2024 21:44

nosmartphone · 17/10/2024 21:39

^^ Agree. However genuine you are that it was an accident.

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Such bad advice. If you have nothing to hide, tell school. In the likelihood of them reporting to SS, SS will not ‘snatch’ your child away. They will likely offer support via early intervention that your child may need. Accidents happen. I’m not sure what people think SS are!

GivingitToGod · 17/10/2024 21:44

Aduvetday · 17/10/2024 21:23

They will have to report - yes.

That's policy, irrespective of circumstances

Silviasilvertoes · 17/10/2024 21:43

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Not necessarily. My DS is autistic and masks all day at school. School have never seen a single incident. Until he melted down in the car park on the way home. They didn’t question me after that.

sprigatito · 17/10/2024 21:42

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/10/2024 21:37

None of their business. Schools don't report every time a kid has a mark or bruise........but I guess the danger is if they see it and ask how she got the mark. "Daddy hit me". As pp said, keep her off if it's PE day.

It absolutely is their business. Staff are trained (or should be) to recognise finger mark bruising and they are obliged to report it.

OP just be straight with them. You aren't the first parents to have this sort of accident dealing with a violent meltdown and being up front about it will look a lot less sinister than covering it up.

pizzaHeart · 17/10/2024 21:42

Pandasnacks · 17/10/2024 21:19

I'd tell them. Slapping something away in defence hard enough to leave a 3 finger imprint on skin isn't something you can avoid explaining, it sounds like excessive force (I'm not saying it is, i have no experience of handing meltdowns and I'm not judging your DH). To professionals who no your child this will probably make total sense but I think it's best for you to be honest and clear it was an accident.

It was not slapping in defence, the movement was directed to get the object out of the way. When people are moving quickly in a small space it can easily happen.

I would tell school OP, do you have home school /diary? If yes, I would put it there, it would allow you to check text to avoid misunderstanding.

OoodlesofNoodles · 17/10/2024 21:42

Ivehearditbothways · 17/10/2024 21:20

If this is the complete truth, then I might keep my kid off sick until it’s faded. Just because the school are mandated reporters so they will have to report.

What’s important is finding a way to manage the meltdowns without risking hitting her so this doesn’t happen again.

The thing with this is will she go back into school and tell them what happened, then keeping her off may make it look worse?

nosmartphone · 17/10/2024 21:39

angrycowl · 17/10/2024 21:33

I would also keep off until bruise went. You could end up with a great big can of worms opened up here OP.

^^ Agree. However genuine you are that it was an accident.

Aduvetday · 17/10/2024 21:38

Schools have an obligation to report injuries like this. They are mandated reporters. Any action or explanation is decided by agencies outside of school. That’s the only correct answer.

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/10/2024 21:37

None of their business. Schools don't report every time a kid has a mark or bruise........but I guess the danger is if they see it and ask how she got the mark. "Daddy hit me". As pp said, keep her off if it's PE day.

Runskiyoga · 17/10/2024 21:37

Be honest and work with early help

Moonshiners · 17/10/2024 21:35

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Not always my autistic son never has once been told off at school. He is such a rule follower away from the home and has a huge fear of authority. He saves it all for home and has the biggest meltdowns.

angrycowl · 17/10/2024 21:33

I would also keep off until bruise went. You could end up with a great big can of worms opened up here OP.

Original poster
N0b0dyhere · 17/10/2024 21:30

NotEnoughRoom · 17/10/2024 21:23

I’m sure your DH feels awful, but please be honest with the school about what happened.

If she has, or may have, meltdowns at school, they may need to adapt their own plans to support her and looks after their staff more effectively.

as your DD gets older/bigger, you may need more support or different strategies to manage her meltdowns and school may also be able to help you access that.

They have just helped us start the process of applying for early help as we let them know about the increase in violence and meltdowns at home over the past few months. They've seen similar at school, especially since September.

OP posts:
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