DH accidentally hit DD(7) and left a mark. Do we tell the school what happend?

Yes, of course I would report a black eye. That's my job

Certainly worth investigating further

it ought to be reported unless witnessed by others when it happened e.g. at sport practice.

What about a black eye? Report or not?

After ironing, I always put the iron at the very back of the furthest away work surface in the kitchen. This worked very well for a number of years when DS was small, no way could he reach it. Scroll forward to DS being 10 and and he decided to touch the iron to find out how hot it actually was.

The following day I got collared in the playground by the deputy Head. Apparently he told them he burnt his arm when he was doing the ironing!

Sorry I was being facetious and it probably wasn't the right place to be.

I agree with you.

Never ever heard of slapping away a basketball, I played extensively and if a ball comes hard and fast you don't slap it, that's counter intuitive, you deflect or catch it.

But surely the mark will have faded by the morning? Of course, DD may bring it up, in which case the safest policy is to explain beforehand.

Do you know how much force it takes to leave finger marks on someone? I’ve seen it acted out in court, it’s either a lot of force or prolonged contact.

Tell them. They will seek support for you from services, hopefully via things like teaching safe restraint methods. He should not be grappling with her like this.

I had to do the same thing OP, my nail caught my sons face - I can't even remember now how it happened (it wasn't during a meltdown, it was during a normal day to day thing but it was a few years ago so can't remember the actual thing) but it left a scrab across his cheek. I explained to the teacher at the end of the day as we don't get to see them at the start. She had already asked my son what happened.

I wasn't reported, assuming because it was an isolated incident and my sons other siblings attended the school and never had any concerns either. It was simply an accident, that's why I didn't keep him off to hide him, or worry about him explaining himself what happened, although kids can explain things in a way that can sound sinister.

Maybe it was a basketball he was slapping away? I mean, he'd have to use a bit of force for that?

I haven’t read all the replies but absolutely yes! Am a children’s social worker and whilst the school will have to follow their policy honesty is the best policy… sounds like it may result in some support which could be helpful.

Be honest with the school. If they know your DDs meltdowns, as you say they do, then it'll be another thing to add to the evidence of more support for your DD being needed.

Hiding it and it coming out later will look massively suspicious and will cause you a whole world of problems.

Keep a note of the dates and details as well, including who you spoke to. If your DD is anything like mine there is a good chance that this could crop up and be mentioned in three/six months time.

I also can't believe how many people are telling a random OP on the internet to keep a child with who has been left with 3 fingers marks by her father away from school. Here's bloody hoping the OP is genuine and it was an accident!

@pizzaHeart it was slapping in defence... the movement aimed to get the object out of the way by slapping it out of the way. There's nothing to correct in what I said.

Oh well, since the OP hasn't said her school is off from Monday for two weeks, let's just assume she's not in one of the many areas who's school isn't off on holiday from Monday.

Was thinking exactly this. Surprised at the previous replies.

As we have just seeing the case of the poor girl who was beaten and worse for months and neighbour stood by.

It looks like I’m going to be the first to say this; how did he manage to leave the imprint of 3 fingers on her?
I work in safeguarding and I have a child who has similar melt downs and I don’t understand how this could happen without him using far more force than was necessary. Where are the bruises?
The advice about keeping her off is stupid and if she goes into school and says my daddy hit me and I’ve been off school since then that will look even worse.
Tell them the truth and take any extra help that might come with this

what happened immediately following him catching her with his hand though? 🤔 you say she was shaken up, how did she act the second it happened?

@Ablondiebutagoody I have made numerous such reports in 20 years of working with children (both teaching and non-teaching). There's a difference between a bruise on a child's knee from normal activity and fingertip bruising to the upper arm, for example. It's not a choice, if you see it you report it.

There are also the kids who are being systematically abused at home. They cannot afford to turn a blind eye.

My children are like that as well. In the last nursery, they always wanted a detailed explanation for every single bruise. And most of the time I couldn't explain to them how it happened as they are running around all day/wrestling/jumping and falling.

Luckily the new nursery has more common sense.

Where I am it's half term for two weeks after tomorrow. If it's the same for OP her child won't remember she was off before half term by the time she's back at school - she'll just think it was part of the holidays.

You should tell school and be transparent. If you are seen to be hiding this, it could end up worse for everyone. Also, a kid having ASD meltdowns, doesn't mean parents aren't also abusive, both can be true. How will you ensure your dd will never get hit like that again during a meltdown, even if it wasn't on purpose?

I would not keep your dd off school, what kind of example does this set, paving the way for school refusing, what would you say to her why she isn't going to school? Maybe try posting this in the SEN section, there will be posters who are experienced, AIBU is not the best idea for such a difficult situation. I hope it works out for you but yeah, do not hide this.