DH accidentally hit DD(7) and left a mark. Do we tell the school what happend?

I don't think people always think rationally in a split second when they think something might be very shortly lobbed at them, especially if it's something sharp or heavy. I certainly wouldn't be so quick to judge, he probably panicked.

From personal experience.

keep her off school tomorrow, back on Monday.

trust me, it will be more hassle than it’s worth.

I guess it depends if the teacher is likely to notice it - 23 years of teaching, seen numerous bruises on the rugby squad or the tree climbers, but never needed to report anything to anyone.

If there is a risk of someone reporting it, I would speak to the teacher or the DSL and explain the situation.

Must have been quite a thwack to leave a mark that is still visible the next day??

I'm really trying to understand this reporting thing, it's real news to me. Who did school report the scratch to?

He must have used a lot of force to leave a mark that you thinking will still be there in the morning. He needs to get help to control himself to only use what is necessary when your child is having a meltdown. Hopefully the school do pick up on it and it can result in him changing.

Similar thing happened to me years ago. I was gently cupping my daughters chin, when all of a sudden she lurched her head to the side. I have long, natural finger nails, so this resulted in her having a scratch on her cheek. Absolute 100% accident but it was mortifying all the same. And yes, school did report (rightly so).

@N0b0dyhere Is the school applying for an EHC Needs assessment?

I would talk to the dsl at school. Thank them for the early help and then tell them there was an awful meltdown last night and daughter got a little hurt trying to deal with it - daddy tried to swat and object away and she got hurt.
They will write that down of course but it will only help your early help referral.

I would keep a paper trail of some sort explaining what's happened. Even if it's a text to
Your sister or a diary or something else. So that if anything is questioned you can both explain exactly what happened and show that that was the same explanation before concerns were raised

BUT they are not going to take a child off you because of one injury.

He hit her, the marks and pain and memory of this don't care whether he meant it or not, he mishandled the situation. Are there other dc in the picture?

I would drop school a brief email but also copy in the disability SS team. Reiterate that you feel you need support with behavioural management. It will hopefully bump you up the list as well as ensuring everything is transparent.

I've had support from the disability social work team and it's been really helpful. Totally different from the child protection team.

Apologies if I've missed it, but where on her body is the mark? If it's on her face, I'd definitely speak to school.

Get in touch with your local branch of the National Autistic Society - they might be able to signpost you towards support in dealing with challenging behaviour

Is your DD clear that he didn’t mean to hit her? If it were reported or even if school ask your DD then that’s the important part.
Have you looked into your councils local SEND offer? There’s often support or even courses that can help.

Did he use excessive force because he was angry? If so, that's potentially why her meltdowns are escalating too.
I know - from experience - that meltdown are fucking hard to deal with, but you CANNOT deal with them in anger. He needs to learn to walk away

You need to tell the school without have to be asked about it.

I also find it hard to understand how you could leave finger marks by “batting something away”, but you clearly need support to manage this situation.

I am an experienced DSL. I am not sure what services are available in your area, but if this was a case I was involved with, I would suggest the family self refer to the children with disabilities team and request an assessment yourself. This way, you acknowledge that your child is at risk, you will receive appropriate support and you can satisfy school that you are taking appropriate measures to safeguard your child.

Not necessarily. My autistic boy has severe meltdowns at home but hasn’t had a single one at school. Girls are also much more likely to mask at school.

That was always going to result in a disaster - you can't swing at/within a couple of inches (or even closer if they're holding something up at the time) of a child with something near full force and expect that they'll stay there meekly for something to be knocked out of their hand.

That and it is, whether anybody likes it or not, exactly the type of explanation people give for non-accidental injuries.

Keeping her off and trying to make her keep it a secret is wrong, as it will come out. And even if the OP was right there and saw it all happen and he's 'just' a deeply stupid man who thought that he'd be able to wallop something out of her hand with absolutely no chance of things turning out as they inevitably would, it's still grounds for urgent safeguarding action.

In reality the actual bruises that get reported to social services are the extensive ones, and clear finger marks and this is the most crucial part - where the child says something worrying. If a child has a black eye and parent says they ran into a stair gate/hit it on a bed etc and the child says the same then it doesn’t get reported. School might log it but it doesn’t meet safeguarding threshold.

I am a teacher in a special school for autistic pupils and a DSL. I work with pupils who when dysregulated can have behaviours that challenge.

Leaving a mark on your child in this way, is surprising but I understand how difficult situations can arise. It is not unusual for parents to leave a mark on their child following an incident.

I would advise you let school know what has happened so it can support your early help application.

in my city, you can also self refer to the whole life disability team, who can offer further support.

I am sure you are doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances. Extra help from social services will really help your family going forward.

Please also remember, unless it meets a very high threshold schools need your consent for a referral to social services.

I hope that helps.

There isn't a downside to being honest. Yes they may report it but you are not abusive parents. You are parents with additional needs for support for your loved and looked after child. That's what social services are there to provide.

Say you keep her off till it fades - that looks dodgy as hell
Tell her to lie -also dodgy
Make something up as an excuse - also dodgy

Go in to school and say 'this behaviour stepped up a gear, thus happened, this is our plan for next time, you need a plan in school too'is clearly honest and caring.

Any serious looking injury should be reported even if the parents give a plausible ‘explanation’. If they have done nothing wrong then they have nothing to fear.