DH accidentally hit DD(7) and left a mark. Do we tell the school what happend?

Same as our autistic son:(

Tell the school, they will understand - presumably you have a relationship with their SEND teacher. Yes, they will make a note but they will also take into account your daughter has autism. Do remember she could bring it up when speaking to them at a later date, so best to advise them. I saw one comment saying, don't tell them they'll report you to social services. That's completely nonsense. For one incident they will understand, obviously if a child is coming in all the time covered in marks/bruises, then they will report (and rightly so) but as that's not the case here, better to be open and transparent as you've nothing to hide. Speaking as a mum to an autistic child who can have meltdowns too - once so badly he threw himself on the floor and cut his head on a piece of Lego... I told nursery and everything was fine. Things happen, don't beat yourself up about it.

You have a point, so long as it is the first and only time. There could be some serious damage done to the DD by the long investigation that will inevitably take place.

I am sorry about the meltdowns. Someone has suggested you keep the child off sick until the mark disappears. If it is the first time such a thing has happened, that could be good advice, especially as the long investigation might cause the child a lot lot more misery than the DD can handle.

To help with the meltdowns: have you considered having a 'fat suit' (with a very round tummy part,) made her size, so that when she wants to throw things, put the suit on her. She will be unable to pick up items to throw at you, or even throw them. She may even get the message that it isn't the right thing to do.

You have to try something because unless you do, she will grow up the same.

Could have easily hit themselves if they have these sort of melt downs. If the school think there’s anything to be concerned over, they will ask, whether you try to get ahead of it or not. I wouldn’t worry either way if you have nothing to hide.

When my eldest daughter was about 2.5-3 years old, she tried jumping off the back of our sofa, as she had stripped off & was practicing for "swimming". I, without thinking, put my hands out to catch her as she jumped & she belly-flopped onto my palms, leaving 2 perfect handprints on her stomach! That was certainly an interesting conversation with pre-school!!! Luckily, they were very understanding, but she did spend most of the day showing all the staff "mommys handprints"

I just wanted to give an example of what parents can face and how accidental injuries can occur, the example I have was a few years ago now so DS was 9. When I had a sleeve of bruises he was 8 and I was told to try mindfulness.

As is widely known in the actually autistic community, no such thing as 'high' and 'low' functioning - it's merely in the eyes of the observer.

What I think you're trying to say is "this child can't have the violent meltdowns as @EilonwyWithRedGoldHair is describing because they don't have a severe learning disability". Core to neurodivergence, at its very concept, is that neurodivergent DCs don't meet usual milestones in a conventional order - that's how they get to be neurodivergent.

It's wholly possible to have someone whose speech & language skills are those of a 4 year old, while their cognitive ability is that of a 12 year old, while they have the motor skills of a toddler. That DC is very likely to spend a lot of time extremely distressed and frustrated, often unable to do some things that their peers find easy, while running rings about them in other areas.

And, yes, it's entirely possible for them to be unsupported in PE and, unless they have an EHCP in place already, they may not have a 1-to-1 (yet) either. If they don't have obvious disabilities, they may even be able to limp along for a time, undiagnosed, almost compensating for their difficulties, but not quite succeeding.

This is one of the causes of 'a child in crisis', which @casapenguin is talking about.

I get it @EilonwyWithRedGoldHair I sympathise with both kids and parents in your situation, I realise it can be unimaginably tough.
In this case its a 7 year old girl. The OP hasn't given any explicit detail about her daughter's individual diagnosis, and how it impacts distinctly. Her daughter is attending mainstream school without one to one support, and is participating unsupported in PE. So I'm making an assumption on capacity from the information given.
It's possible the OP is in a slight state of shock. I wouldn't want to minimise it though, or justify excessive force via inapposite comparisons. She's only 7 😢

@EilonwyWithRedGoldHair that sounds so difficult 😞 I often felt that in my special school that we had the benefit of more staff and opportunities to take a break if we needed time out - parents don’t get that and it’s so hard. I do think ‘people’ in a general way can really underestimate how aggressive children in crisis can be until they experience it themselves. I really hope you get some support 🙏🏻

Things can happen by accident when you're being violently attacked. I slapped DS across the face once when he was having a meltdown. He'd knocked my glasses off so I couldn't see well and had then punched me in the eye which caused double vision, I just flung my arm out as I could see him pulling back to punch me again, misjudged it and slapped him. DS has no restraint, no sense of self preservation, no holding back when he has a meltdown. He will bite, kick, pull hair, try to gouge lumps out of us with his nails, headbutt, punch, slap, use anything he can get his hands on as a weapon, all the while screaming at us that he wants to kill us, that he wants to die, that we should kill him, that he hates us.

We have asked and asked for help with his meltdowns and were lent a booklet on NVR, which is bloody useless once he's tipped over into having a meltdown, is attacking us and trying to hurt himself. I've had three trips to A&E, DH has recieved multiple blows to the head, we've both been left bruised and bleeding - at one point pretty much my entire right arm was a massive bruise, as was my back. No real help, except the suggestion to call the police, the police won't come out, 999 say the two of us should be able to manage him and we need to do 'whatever it takes'.

To the person that asked what happens as they get older - they get harder to manage safely. DS has improved as he's had help with learning how to regulate his emotions through school and specialist courses, but it's not perfect and sometimes he gets overwhelmed, and then just asking him not to do something can tip him over.

He's 11 now and I can't manage him safely alone if he has a meltdown. We try to have the two of us here as much as possible. I don't know what happens if he still has meltdowns at 14, 15, 16, and we've still had no help.

What are you talking about? I have a new partner. What has that got to do with friends of mine?
Do you not make friends with any parents from school/kid’s club? Ever lived in a small town where everyone talks? Seriously, what are you on about?

My life, my boyfriend has bigger all to do with other parent with a child of their own. Are you unwell or something?

And my being bed bound for a year was several years ago, and I commented that on a thread where another poster claimed that her first through after being able to walk again was to go to an Oasis concert. My first thought was being able to run about with my kids again. It was past tense “I have been” as in, in the past. Not “I currently am.”
I’m actually quite capable of recovering from an illness several years ago and now going in a weekend away with a boyfriend. Is that ok with you?

Investigate properly and quickly, yes.
Parents orders away from their children whilst social services don’t even conduct a simple interview for 2 weeks, no.

I don’t think they are fit for purpose.

What? They were a mum and dad whose child was in my kid’s gymnastics class. The gymnastics teacher saw the fall, applied the ice pack, all the usual first aid. The school then reported the bruise the next day and social services ordered supervised contact only. The gymnastics instructor wasn’t interviewed for almost 2 weeks.

Where in that story do you get a new boyfriend from?

@Ivehearditbothways are you saying that an obvious slap mark, which this was, should not be investigated?

Wow. I’ve never been “known” to social services or had any involvement with any social services agency. But I have seen parents ordered to have no unsupervised contact with their own child due to a mark made at gymnastics. Once they investigated, it was dropped because they were 100% innocent and great parents, but SS took so damn long to interview anyone that they were under suspicion for weeks and not allowed contact with their own child with someone supervising.
Maybe jf social services did their job properly, people wouldn’t worry about marks which are innocent.

👏👏👏

I have to say I'm a bit 😳 at people telling OP to keep her off school literally two days after the news came out that this was how that poor girl Sara Sharif was systematically abused and brutally murdered in the worst possible way. I really don't think it's ok to tell people to hide things from DSL/SS or to assume safeguarding is a bad thing/a drag. It's literally there to keep kids alive and safe, and if more people were on board with that, that poor girl might still be alive and safe somewhere given the amount of people who didn't think it was worth reporting what they had seen or heard. The culture in this country needs to change to one that asks questions when children are seen or heard to be hurt. We need to stop normalising it when people cover up harm that has come to children or assuming that the parent is decent when we don't know them.

Thank goodness OP has some common sense and just told the school like any normal person with nothing to hide.

'Have a day off' 🫤 How can you be so flippant?

You said you were worried the injury she received from her Father would be seen during PE, so from that it can be deduced that the mark isn't on her hand, thus it must be on her arm (or leg).
A fully grown man shouldn't require a group or course to know that swinging full force at a 7 year old girl isn't acceptable, even if she WAS about to throw something (her behaviour didn't come out of the blue, you've said it's well established behaviour, so he can't have been taken by uncontrollable surprise, She's 7!!!). It sounds as though he lost his temper, pure and simple, and as a Mum I'd be very concerned about that.

If the school doesn't delve further into the circumstances then it's a massive failing on their part.

Clearly doesn't understand autism 🙄