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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how people become good at staying neutral and mysterious in social situations?

35 replies

ThatDeepFox · 17/10/2024 19:42

I find it hard to keep my opinions or emotions in check and often feel like I’m too open with people. I’d love tips on how to master the art of being more reserved and keeping an air of mystery.

OP posts:
SilverDoe · 17/10/2024 19:56

Oh and I always offer opinions in a measured manner even of the topic or conversation is heated or controversial.

That's something that has taken active practice. You have to be willing to see the other side of things. It sounds like a different subject but opinionated-ness is related to what you're discussing here.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 17/10/2024 19:55

mellongoose · 17/10/2024 19:50

Let the other person speak. Ask the questions and do the listening instead.

This, try to answer questions with generalisations rather than specifics.
So " yes my son is at University" rather than " he is in 3rd year of PPE at Bristol".

"I am a Londoner " rather than " I grew up in Southfields".

SilverDoe · 17/10/2024 19:53

I'm often described as reserved and have been since school.

The truth is I'm just extremely shy and not confident IRL. So I don't say much.

My way to engage with other people is to be an attentive listener. So I guess the combination of being a good listener and not much of a talker is what gives people that impression?

If it makes you feel better, I find confident and extroverted people engaging and reassuring, and it's such a relief to be in a group setting with such people. The intense pressure I feel in social situations is genuinely off putting. I'm not charming or a conversationalist. It makes pretty normal tasks like greeting people in new situations feel excruciating. I'm lucky people tend to think I'm nice and want to engage, otherwise I would be very lonely.

Feel lucky you are in a position to be a confident speaker and good contributor!

mellongoose · 17/10/2024 19:50

Let the other person speak. Ask the questions and do the listening instead.

Eddielizzard · 17/10/2024 19:48

You have to be comfortable with silence. If you're scared of it and always trying to plug any gaps you won't learn this art.

Esmejean · 17/10/2024 19:48

Ask lots of questions, answer in an open but brief fashion when you are asked a question but only what you’re asked and smile ☺️

whatwindow · 17/10/2024 19:47

whatwindow · 17/10/2024 19:46

Don’t be too opinionated, rather than share that you don’t like something - share that you like something else ‘I actually prefer xyz’

ask questions and don’t fill like YOU need to fill a silent moment

Feel* 🙈

whatwindow · 17/10/2024 19:46

Don’t be too opinionated, rather than share that you don’t like something - share that you like something else ‘I actually prefer xyz’

ask questions and don’t fill like YOU need to fill a silent moment

TheBeesKnee · 17/10/2024 19:44

Practice biting your tongue? 😂

FancyNewt · 17/10/2024 19:44

Keep your gob shut