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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how people become good at staying neutral and mysterious in social situations?

35 replies

ThatDeepFox · 17/10/2024 19:42

I find it hard to keep my opinions or emotions in check and often feel like I’m too open with people. I’d love tips on how to master the art of being more reserved and keeping an air of mystery.

OP posts:
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howfarillgo · 17/10/2024 22:30

Why would you want to be like this?

These kinds of people are boring and bring nothing to the table in conversational terms.

000EverybodyLovesTheSunshine000 · 17/10/2024 21:57

DonaldJohnTrump · 17/10/2024 20:29

Yeah, I'm one of them.
You wouldn't know I'm there. I'm quiet and demure. I have always kept a low profile.
Even my aeroplane only has my name in smallish letters, not bigly ones. And then there's my 58 storey tower on Chicago, you would hardly know it's mine. It's called Trump Tower, by the way.

😆

Purpleroseofbiro · 17/10/2024 21:57

DonaldJohnTrump · 17/10/2024 20:29

Yeah, I'm one of them.
You wouldn't know I'm there. I'm quiet and demure. I have always kept a low profile.
Even my aeroplane only has my name in smallish letters, not bigly ones. And then there's my 58 storey tower on Chicago, you would hardly know it's mine. It's called Trump Tower, by the way.

Lovely post, very demure, very mindful, you're not like those other demagogues.

2Sensitive · 17/10/2024 21:54

Show no interest in anyone.
People take your kindness for weakness!

Purpleroseofbiro · 17/10/2024 21:51

I cultivated this idea or image in my teens and twenties and I think it works if you are so beautiful that this is enough to draw people to you. If you are just kind of ordinary then you just fade into the background and nobody notices you at all. Further to this I know some people who never say much at all at gatherings even if you try to engage them in conversation and rather than seeming mysterious they just seem kind of dull and boring.

Its a very delicate balance to strike in reality to pull the mysterious woman vibe off.

FluffyRabbitGal · 17/10/2024 21:46

In my personal life I am an open book with my trusted circle, but I have very rigid rules about sharing personal opinions and information at work. I happily chat with people, but rather than reveal information about my life, I tend to listen, deflect and ask questions. I find that as long as I appear interested and jovial, people either don’t notice or aren’t upset that I’m not sharing personal details or opinions.

JustTalkToThem · 17/10/2024 21:42

Wear a hat? One with a large brim.

I always think people in hats are mysterious.

fluffyfurryfeatherythings · 17/10/2024 21:39

Don't get involved in anyone's drama, don't be a gossip, don't be judgemental, don't bitch about anyone.

However, call out sexism, racism, bullying etc if you see it happening (without being confrontational which can be a challenge).

Peanuttyy · 17/10/2024 21:35

Why do you want to be more private?
I wouldn’t go to far the other way, you could end up quite isolated. But then I love people who are all in and have large personalities, I think I’m suspicious of people who don’t share anything and there’s a difference between being shy and quiet verses secretive.

goingdownfighting · 17/10/2024 21:31

I realised that I was doing the leg work of conversation in certain situations and people were using me a cover not to speak or participate. Once that light bulb went off I kept shut. Let the lazy beggars do some work.

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 17/10/2024 21:26

Don't drink alcohol

5128gap · 17/10/2024 21:25

Unless you're incredibly beautiful its highly doubtful you're going to be labelled 'mysterious' whatever you do. Most of us will be seen as either chatty or quiet, with extremes ends of the two being over sharer/conversation dominator or dull. If I were you I'd lower your aspirations to being 'good company' which basically means being a good responsive listener that makes the odd encouraging comment to keep the conversation going or when you've something interesting or insightful to (briefly) add.

Imperfectionist · 17/10/2024 21:21

Be impartial and respectful when polarising topics, which you know people tend to take an either/or position on, come up.

At least to start with, while you listen and consider how you want to contribute to the discussion (with your true opinion or otherwise).

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/10/2024 21:16

ask questions and don’t fill like YOU need to fill a silent moment

This. A lot of people feel it’s their job to fill gaps in conversation. There’s a strength in not feeling it’s always your job to talk.

blackbird77 · 17/10/2024 21:13

Reading with interest as I would also like to become the beautiful mysterious stranger

Anotheranonymousnameismine · 17/10/2024 21:00

I think it depends on the context as to whether it really is a problem. Someone was explaining something to me in more of a professional (education) context recently and kind of ran away with themselves and to be honest, it was refreshing and interesting!
I tend to over share myself. I sometimes remind myself what facts/issues are off limits and I want to avoid sharing. Either periodically or going into certain situations.

I also agree with someone above re keeping to a high level and then going deeper/asking a question. I’ve mastered this better at work than in my personal life :)

MrsPositivity1 · 17/10/2024 20:48

Listen twice as much as you speak. That's why you have two ears and only one mouth Smile

Edingril · 17/10/2024 20:34

Because it is not all about me and who is to say my thoughts or opinions are right anyway

Beamur · 17/10/2024 20:31

Practice.

LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain · 17/10/2024 20:30

You can be feisty without being fighty... I don't like neutral and mysterious, it's too much work. I like Jo March and Elizabeth Bennet.

DonaldJohnTrump · 17/10/2024 20:29

Yeah, I'm one of them.
You wouldn't know I'm there. I'm quiet and demure. I have always kept a low profile.
Even my aeroplane only has my name in smallish letters, not bigly ones. And then there's my 58 storey tower on Chicago, you would hardly know it's mine. It's called Trump Tower, by the way.

Skyrainlight · 17/10/2024 20:19

Try to listen more and talk less. Ask questions about the other person and what they are saying rather than talking about yourself.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 17/10/2024 20:04

SilverDoe · 17/10/2024 19:56

Oh and I always offer opinions in a measured manner even of the topic or conversation is heated or controversial.

That's something that has taken active practice. You have to be willing to see the other side of things. It sounds like a different subject but opinionated-ness is related to what you're discussing here.

When someone offers an unusual opinion you can say " that's interesting why is it you feel or think that way?"

Or " really, I hadn't considered it like that".

Justgoandsee · 17/10/2024 19:58

Oh I love someone with opinions, far more interesting than folk without any