Selfish or not? Didn't help his ex out

Exactly. The Stepmum isn't not the only person on the planet who could have taken him to the presentation if it was that important to her.
Ridiculous.

Listen, the fact that she is calling you selfish and throwing around the insults when u don't dance to her tune, tells me everything I need to know.
It's absolutely nothing to do with you.
She asked, u said no. That's fine. Ur allowed to say no. Her getting nasty with u, just shows which way the wind is blowing. Definitely stand ur ground.
She needs to show u respect. And ur husband too.

Poor kid .. not one person the direct, or indirect, family are prepared to go out of their way to support him.

This is exactly the kind of incident that sticks with you as an adult.

Football presentation on a Wednesday in October??

Having experienced many (MANY) years of football presentations with my nephews, football presentation evenings tend to be Friday evening/Saturday evening/Sunday afternoon in June/July, not random Wednesdays in the middle of October...

Totally not the point of the thread, I know, but missing one match is vastly different to missing a presentation evening. Neither of which are the responsibility of SM to get the child to.

Nope. Stepparents don’t have to take on any responsibility for their stepchildren.

She could have paid for a taxi for his grandparents to take him or phoned one of the other parents and said could be tag along with them till she got there. She shouldn't get on her high horse if people don't comply to her wishes.At the end of the day it was short notice.

If you can afford £120 a week on PT sessions (£480 pcm), you can afford to miss one of them to take a child to an event that was really important to him but he had to miss through no fault of his own. I think it's really mean of you. It sends your SS the message that you don't see him as part of your family and don't care about him. I wouldn't have seen it as a waste of £40 but a fantastic opportunity to build a relationship with a child who's going to be part of your life for a long time - not forgetting they are your child's sibling! Why wouldn't you want to be part of something special in his life?

A constant theme on MN, neither parents should step up and adjust their planned known schedules, but the hapless stepmother should drop everything last minute to step in.
Batshit.
Well done to the OP for not giving in.
She clearly has put herself out before but gets abuse for saying no this time.
I hope it is a real lesson for her to not entertain either parent again.

Presumably she married him because of him, not because he had a child and she desperately wanted to be a stepparent. Despite what you may like to believe, a stepparent is under no obligation to ‘step up’ when a parent won’t. Nor are they under any obligation to take responsibility for their stepchild/ren.

I was wavering to your side until this comment.

”chose work over her son”

uhm. Her sons father, your dp , also chose
work, but that’s ok isn’t it?

it was a one off presentation, YABU.

Exactly. It seems like there was no big excited fuss made about his upcoming presentation, which both of his parents should have been aware of and planned for it. Yes the dad could have found these things out for himself, but if the mum decides to be of that mindset then she’s probably cutting off her nose to spite her face and as this has all proved her ds was left in a vulnerable position.
I have no problem with sharing important dates with my children’s father. I care more about solid plans being made for the benefit of my children, than scoring points just because technically their father can find out for himself. It’s such petty behaviour, and it lands you in shit like this mum did. And it’s not up to the stepmum to come to the rescue when she has her own plans when she was non the wiser about her stepson’s important event.

The only two people who I think aren’t in the wrong here are OP and the stepdad. The stepdad had arrangements with his own children and OP had plans to go to the gym, and plus she didn’t know anything about it until the mum decided she needed her to conveniently slot in at the last minute. Usually she isn’t even invited or wanted.

Grandparents could of called a cab to take him, if money is an issue the parents could have reimbursed them.

There’s going to be times when a child’s two parents may have difficulties with certain events/etc and the step-parent will need to step in.

What about kids in a nuclear family? Guess what? They miss out. It happens.

So step parents (or is it just mothers) should eternally put their lives on hold and cancel plans whenever the step kid needs it?

Why couldn't the step father rearrange/change HIS plans?

You’re not being unreasonable as such, but maybe a little selfish. I’m sure your one day at the gym would have been ok to miss to take the bairn to his presentation. If you take a man with a child from a previous relationship, be prepared to make sacrifices like you would with your own child. I hope your own child is in this situation at some point so you can see how it feels. Selfish AF.

I'm a step parent and it's step parents like you that give us all a bad name Od have taken him ! shame £40 is more to you than your stepson is worth

There's always the option of being better prepared, communicate with the child's father and have alternative plans in place. So if it was OP's child, she might do ok.

Plan A: Mum books time off to take him.
Plan B: Dad gets told about it and books time off to take him.
Plan C: step Dad takes him.
Plan D: step Mum takes him.
Plan E: Grand parents use taxi and take him.
Plan F: Friend who is also going takes him.

And yet he still couldn't go. Seriously? Poor lad. The parents need to get their arses into gear for the next presentation.

Football is a team sport. Couldn’t he have organised a lift with another player? That’s what we would have done in our family, although as a parent I would have prioritised taking him over working if at all possible.

In the mind of the child's mother that will probably be exactly what happens! Not saying she's right, she should have made sure that the boy's father knew about this presentation in plenty of time to make arrangements, but I was just being pragmatic.

AlllSeeingEye · Today 18:05

YABU. What's the point in being a step-parent if you won't step up when your step-child needs a favour?

She had other plans and so did his parents. His mother asked step mum to step in, with no notice, despite her knowing about the event in advance.

YABU. What's the point in being a step-parent if you won't step up when your step-child needs a favour? (ignore the pun). There's literally no point in having a child with a man who already has a child if you're not going to do that. Especially if you have been in the child's life for some time.