Selfish or not? Didn't help his ex out

I don't think it's an issue of the boy being bottom of the list. I think it's the attitude and expectation that she has to do what she's told by husband's ex partner or take the fallout.
She's a grown woman who doesn't have to do anything. If she's treated with kindness and respect I'm sure she would drop stuff to help. But there's a totally different dynamic here and one in which she's pushing against.
I speak from experience. In the same position. Have to do everything and once I have done it all and more, I get criticism and abuse. Never a thank you. If I say no the ceiling comes down.
Gets very tiring after a while. So I get where this lady is coming from.

The step dad wasn't working. He was seeing his kids. They could've all gone to the event since they're a family and what not, right?

@NowImNotDoingIt

Because in the real world at least, work trumps the gym. As a one-off anyway.
And people shouldn't get involved with partners with kids if they can't step up for them.

@Grammarnut since the boy's mum picks and chooses what OP can and can't do and how much responsibility she has, so can OP.

You can't have it both ways.

Why isn't the step dad selfish for cancelling his plans?

Me too! With all the misery in the world, perhaps showing kindness would have appreciated… you are all family after all

Apparently it’s you that doesn’t. A stepparent has no legal relationship to their stepchild. They may choose to take on responsibility for them, but they by no means have to.

No one said you had to ‘behave like the OP’, but equally the OP doesn’t have to behave like you.

This I deeply agree with!

I was unfair to @iamiam9
Apologies

Yup, she's right. You're selfish and probably not cut out to be a stepmum.
No wonder there's a blended family bashing thread at the minute.

Interesting point!! Yes why should you only do the shit bits and not the nice bits them get criticized for not treating the kids equally?
To be fair wouldn't want my exes gf and my sons nursery stuff but I'd never dream of expecting her to do favours or help me

No reason why her parents couldn't have taken him in an Uber?

They could have both asked the other parents in the football team for help

If she's calling you selfish to you directly then say yes I am taking care of myself I have every right to

Then you don't understand about step-parenting. I am a step-mother, and thus a step-grandmother. I don't behave like the OP.

Poor kid. 9 years old and not one adult could be arsed. I would have taken him. The same if a friend or relative had asked me. Not because I owe anyone a favour, but because I would have wanted to be kind to a child who would have wanted to go to an event with his friends and football team. Of course, the parents should be the ones taking him, but at the end of the day, the only one who missed out is the child. What a bunch of mean adults he's surrounded by.

Well, I consider my DSS (over 50 btw) my son and he behaves like one. I am also aware that he has a mother and a stepfather. I have met them on several occasions and they came to my DH's funeral (I specified I was fine with this to make sure no-one worried about it). MY DSS puts himself out for me and I would put myself out for him and his children, who are never anything but kind to me. I have acted in this way since I married my DH 28 years ago. I don't understand people being so difficult about family relationships in the way OP is. Of course I would take the child to his special event, even if it inconvenienced me. How not? He's family.

If it was such an important event, THEY should have been there regardless, this shouldn’t be put on you, they chose work over it. Yes it would have been nice if you went with your Partner if he was able to attend but they should have been making the effort to be there for their Son. I’m sure they know this but it’s easier to make you feel crap than admitting they should have attended.

Step mothers can't do right on MN. They aren't supposed to discipline/parent the kids in any way but are expected to drop everything for them. It makes me glad DH's children were adults when we got together so I didn't have to do anything for them as no doubt it would have been wrong.

And the grandparents could have taken him in a taxi, or made arrangements for someone they know to drive.

As others have pointed out, this occurred on a night that the ex was responsible for the boy. It's on her if he missed some sort of special event, not on the OP.

Of course it's her problem. The SS is presumably her DC's half-brother or at least step-brother. He's part of OP's family. Behaving as if he is not is deeply weird.

Yabu you could have made an effort for something special. Selfish.

Absolutely agree. I 100% would have gone, poor boy

Yanbu you are not responsible for the Mum being stuck at work. It’s her responsibility to become unstuck, not yours to change your plans.

Yanbu. Mum should have told work no ir paid taxi for grandparents to take him once it transpired dad and you could not help at last minute. Really she should have told you both in advance so dad could attend. She is blaming you but this is just anger that son has missed out due to her work. It will blow over.

I dont have step kids but if my neice or nephew were missing out on ceremony i would have helped at the expense of pt session. We are very close though. I would have done it then told sister to be more organised/give more notice next time.

Actually, maybe because of her experiences, OP will be respectful of other people’s time. This will give her the ability to realise that they have lives that don’t revolve her child. Lots of parents from first families in particular just don’t have that quality in them and this is why this mum and dad are a pair of cheeky fuckers.