Selfish or not? Didn't help his ex out

To be fair, it’s the step mother who has posted, not the parents. If the parents had posted, I’m sure they’d be told they should have sorted something out earlier so that they could go to the presentation.

I'm guessing the mother knew about the presentation at least a week before it happened so she could have sorted something out then, but once again it's the step-mother that is blamed for the mother's faults. Why (on MN at least), are step-parents held to a higher standard than the actual parents?

If this was the OP's MIL having their shared child and she didn't take her son's SS to the presentation, there'd be calls to cut contact. It's only the step children of the woman, who isn't really seen as family on here. Any children the Mother brings to the relationship must be equal to the step father's family.

The solution was for each parent to pay a taxi one way and the bio GPs take them. Seeing as the OP sees herself as the child's dad's partner and not a stepmother.

Oh come on, it's not like it was a once in a life time opportunity. Plus, kids miss out plenty of times even when they parents aren't separated because life happens.

I would have gone, that poor child. May be your SS but the disappointment he'd have felt will likely stay as a memory for years. The gym could have waited this time.

YANBU. Drop the rope. Let the Step Dad step up from now on.

JFC it's amazing how the parents and the ex's partner all get a free pass and yet OP is supposed to drop everything.

Blatant sexism.

OP I'm with you.

I would have taken him to a presentation evening.

mamajong · Today 09:05

DP and I put the children's needs ahead of our own when it comes to hobbies and personal lives and that applies to all of our kids...

It's one thing if it's requested with plenty of time, but as the mam knew well in advance, but failed to tell the dad and didn't bother to make arrangement in good time, I'm with OP.

Yanbu as you are free to make your own choice but personally I would have taken the child.

DP and I put the children's needs ahead of our own when it comes to hobbies and personal lives and that applies to all of our kids, I.e our bio and step kids but that's just a stance we've taken. Our kids to a lot of sports and activities between them and we always prioritise those and arrange our lives around that. My ex doesn't live locally so I puck up extra things that are harder for him and dhs ex is a lone parent so we help out where she cannot be in 2 places at once.

This works for us, we are happy this way but it doesn't mean its the only way.

What exactly are you shocked about?

Swanbeauty · Today 08:34

I agree with you. I can tell your from the north east

Or Scotland?

You're only me time is your gym and PT 3 times a week?

Your mum looks after your toddler so you can go to the gym?

You're joking, right?

I would have done the same for a daughter. Nothing to do with their sex.

Very good point. If that was a stepmum who had plans with her kids, people on here would definitely be telling her to cancel the plans and all go to the football instead. Nobody has really suggested that towards the stepdad on here. Funny that.

fwiw I don’t think he did anything wrong in carrying on with his plans with his children and putting them first over dss’s football. But if dss’s mum didn’t kick up a fuss with him the same way she has with OP then it just goes to show the difference in attitudes towards stepdads and stepmums.

YANBU. Mum or dad should've taken the day off or half a day so they could attend their son's presentation. They knew the date and time. You're not in the wrong. The boy was let down by his parents.

Champers66 · Yesterday 18:55

You’re not being unreasonable as such, but maybe a little selfish. I’m sure your one day at the gym would have been ok to miss to take the bairn to his presentation.

I see your point here, but the boy's mother knew well in advance and didn't bother to arrange time off. She then gave the OP no notice and expected her to drop her plans, which is plain ignorant.

And there's the notion that she'd just use her like that in future, saying, "She did it last time and the time before, I can't afford time off / my car's broken. Selfish cow!"

Well said, @muggart

There's nothing to be gained by letting these kids think their every move is the centre of the universe. It's just a kiddie football thing.

As you say, no wonder boys and young men grow up thinking they take preceden, and women's needs are expendable.

Goodness me it's a 9 year olds football presentation, it's not like he needed to go for life saving surgery! It's good for him to learn that adults wont always necessarily be able to drop work or other commitments for his hobby.

No wonder so many men are so entitled with the attitudes on this thread. So many people berating the woman for attending her PT appointment and judging the mum for needing to stay late at work. We must be raising a(nother) generation of spoiled males if this thread is anything to go by.

That's for them to work out, not you. If it were THAT important, one of them would have sorted it. It's on them.

YANBU.

Same

Don't get me wrong. I love my step-kids fiercely and they've told me that love me too (teens).

I get on really well with their Mum - we all go to school events together, Christmas plays, I make sure the kids buy Mothers/Fathers Day cards. You get the gist - no aggro. But would their Mum appreciate if I called them my children? No! I can choose to love them as family but they have an actual Mum.

Thing is, my DSC Mum and my DP always communicate well, they share information about their kids and they don't miss out on special occasions. And they certainly wouldn't lay the blame on me if they messed up.

OP isn't being difficult - Mum didn't bother to tell anyone about her sons football presentation and she failed to plan appropriately so that she could bring him but now calls OP 'selfish' because she didn't cancel her plans at the last minute, for an event she wasn't even invited to! Yeah right.

People will do as they wish.

It’s up to the parents to step up. If they have to work then it’s unfortunate but they won’t be able to take their child. Stepparents aren’t there to pick up the slack for the actual parents.

You had plans, she can't expect you to drop everything. She should have just said to work, "Sorry I can't stay because I have no childcare" ... ignore her; not your monkey, not your circus