Selfish or not? Didn't help his ex out

I would have taken him

So what did his mum's "stuck at work" look like I wonder?

She had obviously planned to take him.

Could the child's mother not have asked another parent, one of her son's friends' parents who was going to the event anyway to take her son?
If she does the kind of job that requires her to stay later at short notice (like @Positivenancy), and knowing that her child's father works evenings, she should have had a contingency plan in place. Much easier to organise in advance "just in case" rather than ringing round and expecting someone else to step up to the plate at the last minute, abandonning their own plans.

Agreed.

Yes! This used to happen to me in my job a lot. I used to perform release sterility testing for biologic medicine. These test can sometimes throw up problems and can go overtime, I can’t “just stop testing” because that leads to more problems and paperwork…and the potential to cause the loss of literally millions worth of medicine ! These are medicines that treat rare diseases so the supply is limited. Now as a mother if I knew that I NEEDED to get him to that presentation then I could try to not test that day…but that’s not always possible as we have to reach release deadlines.

It’s a tricky one.

If it wasn’t his presentation thing and you already had plans, then I’d not think you were being selfish.

If it was his presentation and you had no plans, then I’d think you were being selfish.

It would depend on the situation and whether you could have dropped him off and slightly earlier/later and still did your thing.

It would also depend on why she was stuck at work - was she in the middle of surgery, her car broke down or just chosen to do an extra few hours.

And whether her partner was in the area or a family member who could have done it.

You weren’t incredibly selfish but as it was a special event, I would have tried to get him there.

Who was looking after him?

Despite having a full time job and a toddler of her own. Of course 🤦‍♀️

This post sums up my thoughts really. Pretty sad for the poor kid.

I would have taken him
You could go to the gym anytime.

This is what I was thinking

OP works full time and has arranged childcare to allow herself to attend a (paid for) PT session. If she’d gone she would have given up her childfree time and lost out on money, all because the child’s actually parents didn’t make arrangements. YANBU

I think it's one of those things where the history is also relevant. Is this the first time this has ever been asked of you, or are you frequently asked/expected to change your plans short notice?

I think it was her partner's job to take him if it was anyone other than the parents because it was happening during her time.

Exactly

@Positivenancy she wasn’t the last option. GPS could have taken him (in a taxi, etc). The parents could have contacted other parents whose kids were going as well and organized transportation with them. These things are known in advance, didn’t get sprung to last minute. And if the mom intended to take him in the first place, she should have made it clear with work and left on time.

I never understand why a stepmum is expected to drop whatever she’s doing/ change her plans when the parents are unavailable.

Once again another pair of CF parents who have no respect for the stepmum’s time / choices/ plans/ life. The workout is obviously important to her and might be crucial to her well-being. Why should two CFers get to trample all over that?

All you saying it's his presentation evening. I would have gone.... his own parents didn't prioritise it.

His DM didn't find out about it that evening, not down to OP to fill in their gaps, they didn't cancel what they were doing. Why should she.

Gym three times every week could have been skipped once, IMO.

In this case…as it was an important one off…then yes I would have done it. I think deep down you know you could have been “the hero” (for want of a better term!) but you chose yourself first. Which is fine @iamiam9 but in this case, you were the last option and unfortunately it was SS who lost out.

All these people trying to shame the mother for prioritising work over her child are obviously in the very privileged position of having a job that allows flexibility. Not every job does. And the reasons can vary from a minimum wage worker on a zero hours contract that's told they won't get any more work that week if they don't do extra time at the end of a shift, To a neurosurgeon whose patient will die if they don't stay in the operating room. And hundreds of other reasons. Sometimes people just have to work and plans can change at short notice.

Edited to respond to the post above me:

Not everywhere has taxis. If you live in the country the nearest taxi could be an hour away.

There are these marvellous things called taxis that take people to places. As the kid's parent I'd have told the grandparents to get one and I would pay.

I would have taken him. What's one gym session compared to a one-off presentation? It would have been a big deal for the SS.

Why didn't they pay for the grandparents to take a taxi rather than expecting you to lose the cost of your PT session ?

Poor kid, not a single adult in his life made him a priority.

So both parents prioritised work over the child and you're the one being unreasonable?

fkd up priorities those parents have.