Selfish or not? Didn't help his ex out

Fair point so I take back my previous commenr although, if I had late notice for a presentation for my own child I would of course forgo a gym class for that

Would I do the same for a SC who had no one else attending, I would hope that I would. It's the right thing to do

I'd have been pissed off at missing my gym but I do think I'd have done it as a one off.

Only because I'd imagine it was really important to the 9 year old.

What are you talking about? I do feel sorry for the Mum who has to work, not sure where I implied OP or the mum should change jobs?

I also feel sorry for a child whose stepmum cares so little about them going to the gym is more important. Don't get with someone with children if you can't be bothered. So damaging to the kids and if she treated her children that way you'd be saying something different. Or maybe you would rather go to the gym than be at your biological children's special events. ONE presentation a year. You can go to the gym anytime.

I think if it was not possible, or desirable to you then fair enough you refused.
But also I'd say the gym isn't exactly the most pressing engagement on which to do so. If it was a meal out for someone's birthday, or a show/event you'd had booked, I'd say that's a stronger excuse.
But it's done now. I'd say you could offer to take him to something as a treat to make up for it?

@iamiam9 ‘spring things on him’?

Why doesn’t he know this stuff - especially as you have DSS three nights a week?

Or is she still doing all DSS’s life admin despite you having him for those three nights?

This is tricky to vote on because YANBU to not take responsibility for a child that isn’t yours, you had plans so they can sort themselves out. On the other hand, I’d personally be upset if my DP made that choice in the circumstances because it suggests they don’t care about the DC.

I would have considered which matters more in time.

Chances are, missing that presentation will stay with him for a long time.

You skipping one gym session probably wouldn't be much of an issue for you even by next week.

Poor kid

Clearly not...

What jobs do the ex and your DH have? One of them should really have left work to take him. Unless the ex is a brain surgeon doing an operation which took longer than expected and your DH is a carer whose replacement failed to turn up or similar roles?

Also, I don't see why you should be blamed for not taking him while the non-parent he actually lives with was "out with his children".

Shame for the poor boy though. I would probably have gone as kids remember this sort of thing.

Would you never get stuck in work? I'd have taken him, it's a one off and you attend the gym 3 times a week. The only looser here is the kid who is nobody's priority.

Can we not blame op for someone else's poor planning and cunty blame game.

Everyone needs to stop laying it on thick about how terrible it was that no adults were at his presentation. You'd all be the first to soothe a parent who is also a teacher and misses everything at her kids school because they can't help it. You wouldn't be making cunty comments about how if they really cared they would change jobs or be a SAHM.

Its one presentation in one lifetime.

If she cancelled, she endorses the behaviour.

If she cancelled, either her or her trainer would be out of pocket.

All because innocent MUM couldn't just accept that she couldn't make it and shock horror, nor could anyone else at the last minute. MUM didn't invite dad to the presentation when she knew about it. She didn't invite stepmum. But suddenly stepmum is perfectly good to pick up son and scapegoat if she can't. Bonus points for driving a wedge between op and her dh, despite having her own house in order and being more than willing if she had notice. Op was last choice but first to blame. Go figure.

I would have missed the gym and taken the kiddie, because it's not his fault that his parents are useless.

What jobs does ex and dh have? Stuck at work is quite unusual in reality.

She's throwing a huff because you didn't do it when she and your husband could have split the cost of a taxi for the grandparents to take the child to the presentation.

This. Most sensible approach. Step kids are close family and I think you have to take that on board when you become a SM/SD and act accordingly.

If you can't treat his/her kids as you would your own in the practical sense, then don't get involved

I know there are. I was just responding to the question about who was looking after the child that evening 🤷🏻‍♀️

Would you have skipped a gym session for your own children's presentation?

Ok, not your problem their Mum had to work on, but it shows how little you think of them. I always feel bad for some children who are forced into a blended family where the other adult sees them as lesser. That's your DH's fault though, not yours. Never in a million years would I marry someone who didn't care about my children more than a gym class.

It's a presentation which they all love because it's exciting and gives them credit for their hard work, not a simple training session.

But if nobody is available then that’s the way it is. Sometimes they can’t be the priority. Maybe the mum needs a job that won’t cause this problem again if she wants him to always be the priority.

@iamiam9 I think I'd need more information before I could say if YABU or YANBU.

What is ex's job?

Is this a one off type request or is this part of a pattern?

How often do you and DH have DSS?

How old is DSS?

Could you have arranged your Gym/PT session to another evening this week easily?

It was a class, not a PT session

She was either choosing to work over her contracted hours or failed to plan in good time.

Not your problem. You had a paid for activity and she didn't prioritise him in her time. Nor did she invite DH in good time to book it off because presumably he would have liked to see the award?