Selfish or not? Didn't help his ex out

My pt is £40 for the hour. I wouldn't waste that to cover the child's mum who decided to prioritise work over her son.

I’d guess she didn’t get much say

Presumably the other 4 nights a week, on weekends, and after the gym on those 3 nights a week. More than either of SSs parents see him, guess they aren't very maternal/paternal either.

I think you kind of sign up for this stuff when you become a step parent. Hence I personally would really, really avoid getting into that situation.

I would have taken him whilst thinking both of his parents were hopeless. But them being hopeless isn't the child's fault.

Not your child, he has two parents. They can sort it out. Does she help with your child?! Honestly don’t know how anyone can say YABU!

It would have been nice of you to help out and go. It sound like it was more important than a standard football session for him. You go to the gym 3 times a week; that’s a lot, surely you could have missed one session.

Well it would have been a nice thing to do but you didn't want to.

Maternal Gps couldn't-I'm guessing you couldn't have taken them & SS & collected later.

So back to the parents.

Neither of whom could leave work.

Any other options that weren't thought of?

Could one of the DC grandparents not get a taxi with him to the presentation if they cannot drive?

It seems nobody wanted to sort a solution beyond them blaming OP for their own lack of planning.

You didnt have to do it- so chose not to. So you aren't being unreasonable per se

Would you have missed your gym session if your sister had asked you to take your nephew?
Or would you have missed it to help out a friend's son?

I would think that a football presentation thingy would be important to the kid so I would have prioritised them over my gym session. But that's my judgement on the importance of the event to them, and knowing I'd cope with one less gym session.

I’m assuming this is an unusual occurrence and she doesn’t have pseudo- emergencies cropping up left, right and centre. It wouldn’t have killed you to take the poor boy, least of all for a hobby you do multiple nights a week.
Very selfish.
So many ex wives hate the new stepmum being around their children, this one actively reaches out to you for help like she would any family.
Not good behavior on your part.

Football training - OK to miss now and again
Football match - not OK to miss from a loyalty to the team POV.
Presentation - not OK to miss ever. These things matter. His own Mother or Father couldn't go and then his step Mum couldn't either. He probably feels rotten poor kid.

Yes you're selfish. Family comes first not the gym. Poor boy missing out.

Not sure that’s fair. My ExH left for the OW and I 100% know that she would put my children’s happiness above her gym session.

You’re on the AIBU board asking if you’re BU, then when PP tell you that you are BU, you’re saying you’re not because of XY&Z
So why ask?!

Why on Earth would you get into a relationship with a person who has children, if your gym class is so much more important to you than they are?
That poor kid

Personally I'd have got him to the football thingy. Whatever the rights and wrongs it's not his fault and you do go to the gym 3 times a week. Not a big ask really.

i have an 8m old and 2.5 yr old.

yanbu for various reasons.

Seems all the adults in his life prioritise themselves over him.

Yes I would have taken him.

As an aside, 3 gym classes a week is a lot of 'me time' if you're parent to a toddler.

I'm finding the whole of this thread really weird.

Had the mum said 1 month ago - 'there is presentation on X day could one of you take DS - I'm working.. you would have had time to rearrange the gym session'

You don't have to rearrange and certainly not at short notice.

It's a weird time of year for a football presentation, imagine it was more of a getting a skills certificate than end of season big bash with awards.

OP didn't have a childcare problem.

Mum didn't invite dad to the presentation did she? Didn't invite stepmum? But wants them there last minute when it suits.

She works at a law firm. She and her employer know full well if she has contracted hours for childcare that she needs to leave on the dot or, more likely, can take her laptop home. If not, its an unsuitable job. You cant just not pick your child up. And if she can't she can't be giving stepmum shit for not twisting herself in knots when she wasn't even invited to the presentation.

Maybe the thread should be retitled:
’Selfish or not? Didn’t help 9YO DSS out’.

I still can’t understand how your other half had no knowledge of this event despite his son staying with you three days a week.

Not sure why the OP is the selfish one here.. she isn't the child's parent, either of them could have arranged their lives to be able to cover this apparently important event. I suspect it actually wasn't that big a deal.
OP does the ex look after your children ever? I think she's actually got a cheek asking you rather than one of her friends. Did she ask DH, who then said to ask you, as you weren't busy? Is this in fact a DH problem?

She’s a legal assistant not a surgeon. Staying late was a choice.