Selfish or not? Didn't help his ex out

Football with a presentation

I would of taken him and left the gym out for one night
If you pay monthly, its not really a big deal as a one off

I feel sad that noone has made your SS feel important, everyone worrying about themselves
If it was your own child, you would of gone

Its Mean

Presumably they could, yes. Again, I was just responding to the poster who asked who was looking after the child that evening.

You let a child miss out on a presentation evening because you couldn't possibly miss a thrice weekly gym class ! Bet you would have done it if it was your own child. If you can't find it in your heart to treat an innocent step child as one of your own don't have one.

It depends. If they both have form for this, expecting you to run around after them , pick up the balls they drop etc. Then, fuck that shit. Especially if your husband doesn't pull his weight in general either with SS or the child you have together.

If this is a one off however, yeah, I would've helped out.

I think the mum has a real cheek not telling SS’s father about the event, and then asking for help

I would have taken him (as an adult who wouldn’t want him to feel unloved).
However, his mum and dad should have no judgement of you whatsoever - They’re is parents.

Threads like this is why I would never get involved with someone with children.

Of course it’s an appointment - she had the choice whether to go ahead or put her step son first. She chose her own fitness.

Sometimes you have to work late. Both his parents had to, she didn’t have to go to gym.

“It was his mother who knew about it in advance, not OP”.

And why oh why did dad have no idea about this event. They have the poor son three days a week - why was it such a surprise?

I'd be more disgusted at the actual parents not making sure they could take their son to an important event and having such a brass neck as to blame OP who they assumed would do it last minute.

There are people who could have tried harder in this situation:

1. mainly the mother, who was the one who knew about the event. Unless the grandparents are in poor health, I don't see why they couldn't have taken him in a taxi. I also think the mother could probably have text some people on the team to see if he could get a lift.

2. the father - wasn't there anyone he could have text? Other parents on the team etc?

However, I do think it is a bit of a shame that you didn't rearrange your PT and take him. You could have paid the PT for the missed session so that s/he wasn't out of pocket. Your DH/DSS mum could have reimbursed you presumably?

The bottom line is, nobody did enough to get the child there. Lots of people could have done more. He must feel shit.

Maybe he should have checked on his son's schedule to know about the presentation in advance, you know, so an actual parent of the kid could have been there?

Boggles the mind how any of this becomes OP's fault.

Not her child, not her problem. He can be disgusted all he likes. She's said in other posts that son's mum has called her in the past so she does right not to get involved.

YANBU of course, neither of his parents made sure they could make it. No-one else is to blame but them.

The poor kid achieved something and no one around him could be arsed. Of course you should have gone. I would have done this even for one of my kids friends.

She didn't let you and your husband know because she wants to control these events. I bet she's the same with school things too and parties etc if she can get away with it (I know dad probably in touch with school himself).
As it played out she told SS she couldn't take him. Why didn't she tell work she couldn't stay because she had plans. She chose work. By not involving you all to enjoy these moments with SS she left herself in a bit of a quandary and SS inevitably sad and annoyed with her. Play silly games , win silly prizes. I hope you enjoyed your gym session OP. Don't feel bad. Mum should make provisions/prioritise in her son's best interest. She is the only person to blame.

Perhaps he should have offered to pay for OP's missed PT session!

If I was your husband I would be disgusted that you think so little of my child not to help them, it was all and only for the child, nobody else.

This boy has a mum, dad, step dad, 2 grandparents, why did none of them
rearrange their evening?
OP should not be getting a hard time here.

"A gym session with a PT is just a gym session with extras."

Well, no, it's an appointment involving another person who would normally have to be paid with a cancellation at short notice. OP said he might not insist on payment, but the principle is there. It's like cancelling a dentist's appointment. It's messing another person around.

"He’ll remember this (mum and dad had to work but step-mum wanted to go to the gym)."

His mother stayed late in the office, not something she could be forced to do as a legal assistant, so if that is his point of view, it will only be because somebody presented it like that to him.

It was his mother who knew about it in advance, not OP.

Yeah. It's also not your responsibility. The parents need to sort these things out between them.

If you hadn't had plans it would have been nice for you to take him. However if she had been desperate for him to go surely she could have paid for a taxi for her parents to get him to and from, or arranged for one of his friends parents to get him there.
She can't cherry pick when she wants you to step up and act as a parent.

If it was that important Mum or Dad should have done it. Why should you prioritise SS when his own parents aren't.

A gym session with a PT is just a gym session with extras.

It’s up to her how she wants her relationship with her step son to go (would use the abbreviation ‘DSS’ here but it doesn’t seem right). He’ll remember this (mum and dad had to work but step-mum wanted to go to the gym).

I just know my children’s step-mum would never prioritise a gym session over the children’s needs. Because she cares about my children.

It's difficult. Poor kid could have gone if his grandparents got a taxi?

I can see reasons not to do it due to future expectations.

OP's step-son's mum hadn't even told OP's DH about the presentation until she got stuck at work on the day.

If she doesn't inform him & he wants to know he should find out for himself!