Selfish or not? Didn't help his ex out

So why isn't this a thread about why the stepdad chose his bio kids over his step-kid?

And why is the children's happiness the #1 concern in this scenario? Do adults cease to count? (Yes, I have dependent children of my own)

All grownups in this situation are being unreasonable. Poor 9 year old boy missing out because 2 parents ante too busy and step mum is in the gym.

YANBU. Fine to ask but you did right not to cancel your plans and lose money.

She should have just arranged her parents to take him in a taxi, if it wasn’t worth the cost of that, it’s not important enough for you to cancel your plans.

I think it would have been kind to take him. I would have done and cancelled my gym session.

Often on MN I read threads about selfish men whose hobbies come before family life while their wives are run ragged and I think to myself 1) how do so many men end up this selfish and 2) why do so many women have such low standards? well this thread has been enlightening.

Anyway YANBU Op. Of course you shouldn't have to drop your hobby night in favour of your DS's hobby night. it's good for him to learn that the women in his life won't bend over backwards to facilitate his hobbies at the expense of their own. He's probably over it by now already anyway.

As for the people judging the mum for staying late at work... i honestly have no words but I hope they are not raising sons.

@Popettypop yes I think everyone has gathered she's the step mother. Doesn't make her responsible and she shouldn't be made to feel guilty because his parents can't be arsed. In the scenario that these two parents still lived together and both decided to work, who would get the blame then?

I quoted her post. She said “I wouldn't have booked one in the first place because I'd have known about it and made sure I could go.”
But she also said that they’re pre-booked and paid monthly for three sessions a week. She even (admirably) said she wouldn’t leave the trainer out of pocket if she had to cancel one. She just didn’t want to cancel this one.

@Onlyonekenobe I couldn't have put it better. Spot on.

No I mean something that makes the children happy.

Edited

You mean like a planned and paid for PT session which involves an actual person rather than an appointment with a screen?

I'm finding myself unreasonably agitated by this thread, given I'm not a stepmother or a stepchild 😂. I think it's this idea that all woman should be martyrs to all children: won't anyone think about the chillllldrrrrren??

It's such bullshit. This child has two fit and healthy parents, two grandparents and yet SHE is being singled out. It's the EXPECTATION that the woman in this scenario should efface herself entirely, prostrate herself at the feet of this child. It's nothing to do with the boy, I'm sure he's a lovely little thing. It's all the voices having a go at her for NOT being a martyr when the people who should have been looking out for him failed to do so. Two wrongs don't make a right, no. But why focus on this? Why not focus on why the mother couldn't have told her boss "sorry I can't, I've got no childcare" (she's the assistant, not the lawyer)? Why not focus on the dad who could have told his boss "sorry, I'm having a childcare emergency, I need to leave early"? Because it was "only" the gym? Fuck that. OP has organized two other adults to look after her child so she can have precious time to stay healthy. She didn't organize her parents to look after her child so she could look after someone else's child (which the mother has made clear her son is to OP). It's rank hypocrisy and deeply unfair. The child went without because he's got shit parents. Not because his stepmother didn't cancel her plans at the drop of a hat.

But we don’t know what the partner’s plans with his own children were. Was it just a chill out night or a planned and paid for cinema trip.

I would've taken my DSS without thinking, not because of my DP, or keeping things sweet, but because I love him and care about his happiness.

Wait. So her own partner wasn't expect to change his plans but you were?

Wow

I would have taken him IF she had paid for the missed gym session with the PT which still would have had to be paid for. Up front.

If not, she could have paid for an UBER/Taxi for her parents to take him.

Was it not possible for grandparents to get a taxi?
If really not possible I'd have taken him - as many have said it would be worth missing one gym class when they are so frequent. If it could not be re-arranged parents could have covered the cost.

She's already answered this, and perfectly adequately imo: if it were her own child she would have reorganized her life to ensure she or the other parent could be there.

It's a personal trainer session, not just a random stop at the gym.

The child has grandparents and two parents who all fell down on the job; why is it the OP's role to make up for their failings? Why wasn't the child's father aware of the child's football schedule?

It’s not her fault either, any more than it’s her problem.

That doesn't matter - she didn't do something that caused disappointment to DSS, which she should have considered. That SS DPs are both disorganised is not his fault.

You said these gym sessions are pre-booked and regular, three times a week. So the question still stands - would you have skipped one of them for your own child? I’m a step child and am very grateful to my stepdad for never treating me like one.

I would definitely have gone. I’ve always tried to be there as much as possible for my DSS. As a result we are very close now he is an adult and he is very close to all our children, his siblings.
He’ll remember nobody went…..whether you feel it’s your responsibility or not.

Initially I was like, you're defo unreasonable, as it's just one session and you need to do these things to foster a good relationship

But given that she has a man who has his own kids, didn't give your husband advance notice, doesn't invite you to other things and is calling you selfish by text, I'd say not. It sounds like there's been some animosity here, before this

I still would've done it as the kids come first, and as this kid is family, you can defo miss a pt session. Don't think you're horrible or unreasonable though xx

But it's not covering for SS's mother, it's doing something for the DSS - her SS. And £40 for a gym session? I don't pay much more than that for a whole month's access to pool, sauna, and gym.