Found out I was left out of secret family inheritance

If I inherited money I'd not ring my family to tell them about it, no. Doing so would firstly open up the door for them asking for some/feeling entitled to some and secondly it would only put bad air between us as they would perhaps feel it unfair.

Your aunt left the money to who she wanted to have it. If she wanted you DC to have some she would have sent you or them or left you/them something in her will. She clearly didn't.

Your mother and brother didn't tell you because of how badly you would react, they were right.

I think it's reasonable for the aunt to leave her money to her sister, your mother, but to leave an equal amount to your brother and nothing to you is awkward I think. I can see why you would be upset.

Could it be that it was assumed that you live in a country with welfare and the NHS, whereas the beneficiaries of the will don't, and so need the money more?

Or maybe that as a married woman they feel that your husband would get to spend it? Or that it's his responsibility to take care of you financially?

Lots of possible reasons for the situation, combined I guess, with feelings of unfairness at how your mother treated you and your brother differently growing up?

Try to move on from this. You have your own family now. These people don't have power to hurt you if you don't let them.

You’re coming across as entitled OP.
When did you last visit this aunt?

Probably kept it from you to avoid the exact situation you are now in… bad feelings, low contact etc. she might need the money herself, my in laws hardly buy my dc anything, Christmas and birthday gifts are very small but I know it’s because they are worried about cash flow and frugal also with themselves… it’s not a good look to expect presents when the giver maybe can’t afford it…

@Hellogoodbyehello4321 (and others) makes a good point.

How hurt would you have been if they'd told you that they'd inherited a good sum of money but that your aunt left you out of her will? Perhaps they were trying to save your feelings.

It's your aunt that decided you didn't merit any of her estate. I think you're being unfair to take this out on your DM and DB.

Did they provide a lot of help and care to her? Could this be your aunt's way of repaying them for what they did for her?

I think it’s entirely possible that they didn’t tell you in order not to upset you for being left out by your aunt. I would try to get over it, OP, instead of assuming the worst.

Or daughter?

I can honestly say that in the same situation I would share my share with remaining children.

Yeah I do completely agree with you. As I said to the OP I don’t think she’s entitled to any of the money but I get that it would hurt not to be included and also to find out later.

Inheritance is such an issue within families, it destroys them.

The thing is, if they didn't intend to share the money with you, which I don't suppose they are obligated to do, surely telling you is worse than not telling you. Would that not be mean and boastful? "Hey auntie gave us 10k each, nothing for you though".

I can see why they didn't tell you. Whether they should have shared it with you is a different Q.

That seems very fair and reasonable in your specific circumstances.

But if your relative had left you out of the will and left that share directly to your parents who'd done so much caring, would you think they should have offered you something? Because that's much closer to the OP's situation. There's no suggestion that she either needs or deserves the money more than the actual beneficiaries.

Of course it hurts. It hurts having a family where people are treated differently or are put in the position that your mum and brother have been put in, that led to them deciding to keep something from you.

If there is a reason for leaving one person out there are diplomatic ways to do this, for example stating explicitly why those people were remembered, in a positive, kind way.

How do you know that your Aunt didn't leave you any?

Are you close to your DM and DB?

Were you close to your aunt? Did you call/message her?

Yanbu at all. I'd be very hurt by this.

…..Okay but £10k IS a life changing amount of money? That would change my life on many positive ways. As it would others who are in a worse position than me and live hand to mouth.

Perhaps they didn't tell you as they didn't want to feel like they were bragging? Perhaps they "left you out" due to how you've reacted to something in the past?

Telling someone you've inherited money and they haven't isn't exactly easy!! If they'd told you, you might be on here moaning about them bragging about the inheritance and how you felt like they were rubbing it in that you didn't get anything...

Your aunt made a choice and you need to respect that.

I don't necessarily think it's such a big secret. They didn't tell you because they didn't want to hurt your feelings.

It's only 10K. I don't understand why you think she should be buying your DC gifts with it. We're not talking life changing amounts of money here.

Your uncle's wife chose who to leave money to, and it was the people she saw regularly. It was left to them because she wanted them to have it.

Clearly there is some history of grievance between you and your mother and brother, but your husband's response (as described by you) seems excessive. Hard to know if he just doesn't like your family and wants your relationship with them to break down, or if he listened to you being angry and said "Yeah...mmmhmm" and you have interpreted that as outrage on your behalf. Either way, I don't think the inheritance issue is really a massive deal.

Why would they tell you though, its nothing to do with you. It would have only upset you and caused bad feelings.

I don’t agree. I have a poorly relative and have been told what they have left me in their will. I’ve offered the money to my parents as they will have bills after this relatives death, I have said they can keep my share to settle those bills and then keep their own inheritance as they deserve it more from a caring perspective and have spent thousands over the years as part of that care. It feels right. I will stand by this and I don’t expect to see a penny. Sometimes families put each other before money.

So if they'd rang you to say - we got £10k each, that would have been better?

But that's why you didn't get anything. You see that, surely.

And you're mad at your mum and brother, who were there for your aunt, for not letting you know she'd left them some money. And further mad they aren't just handing some to you or your kids, contrary to your aunt's will.

There often seems to be a theme in posts about inheritance where the person who isn’t included feels aggrieved that their children were also left out. Nobody is obliged to leave you or your kids anything.

OP your family sound toxic as hell even without this inheritance issue, especially given how you were treated growing up. In your shoes I wouldn’t want anything from people like this.