Found out I was left out of secret family inheritance

10k is a good amount of money to anyone with sense. Even super rich people like yourself.

How did you find out?

Is your family not very well off? At most you have missed out on 10k, probably even less if Aunt only had 20k total to give.

It’s hardly untold riches. Your Aunt was entitled to leave it to whomsoever she chose and your mother and brother kept quiet because they knew it would upset you. They only gained 10k each.

That's a big secret and I'd be suspicious about it tbh.

Can you see a copy of the will?
When it comes to money I trust no-one.

I am sorry you feel upset and can understand it. However, if your aunt did not leave a will the relatives you mention would have acted as executors of her estate and presented themselves as next of kin, not mentioning you.

Your mum obviously found out and decided not to tell you to avoid any hurt. That has obviously not paid off because you are hurt.

This will pass, op, honestly. Just get on with your life and do forgive your mum, mothers do not always get it right. Hopefully you have a lot of life ahead of you and feeling so hurt, maybe resentful, will spoil things - don't let it. As you say, it's not about the money, which would not have been that much, very nice at the time but soon gone.

Put it behind you, have a great life, lesson learned never to be mean-spirited and sly like your relatives who did inherit.

Good luck.

This exact scenario happend to DH and his DM. His aunt left DH's two sisters nothing. We didn't know until after her death. It isn't a secret but it never crossed DH's mind to share it with his sisters. She left her money to who she wanted to
DH had a much closer relationship with this aunt, visiting regularly , inviting at Christmas, celebrating her Birthday, etc. Our daughter is even named in her honour. His sisters didn't really bother with her. Did you visit or keep in touch regularly?

This happened in reverse in my family.

An elderly great uncle’s will omitted his great nephews on one side of the family.

His will named nephews A and B to receive X amount, but made no mention of C, D or E.

There was no obvious reason for this omission, apart from perhaps mild dementia.

Decades later, nephew B still resents being pressured to “put things right”. The amount X was split 5 ways rather than 2.

I'm not saying you are at all wrong, but us there any possibility that your DM thought that you didn't want your feelings hurt and so decided to keep it quiet so your feelings weren't hurt by your aunty not leaving you anything. If that was true (big if) then would that be why she didn't give your children presents, because it would lead to a further conversation? I don't think it's likely but if there is that possibility then ignore has to be worth a thought.

Have you actually seen a copy of the Will. Maybe you weren't left out which is why all the secrecy

Would there have been any way to tell you that you’d not been included in the inheritance which wouldn’t have sounded like “nuh nuh nuh-nuh nuh, we all got given money by Aunt but she didn’t want you to have any!” I can’t think of a good reason to tell somebody who hasn’t been included that they haven’t been, I’d just keep quiet about it rather than rub it in their face, too.

Agreed.

Ive been left out too.

I think this situation is way more about your messed up family dynamics in general skewing how you feel.

I get on fine with my dm/db and can hand on heart say i wouldnt care if my dm and db got 10k each from some old aunt. Id probably laugh about the fact she was such an old bitch in her will...

If it was £1M then HELL YEAH! Id expect them to cut me in for a bit simply due to size of inheritance and because a. we are family and b. We like each other... but 10k?
i couldn't start drama over that.

Agree with this, and others who said much the same.
Sorry it's hurtful, but your aunt had the right to leave her money to whoever she wanted and it was probably kinder of them not to tell you.

You live in a different country with your own family now. Your brother inherited £10,000 and it’s not really your business. It’s upsetting that you feel left out but it’s likely because they saw much more of each other and were close. Try not let it cause you to feel resentment. Hopefully it won’t ruin your relationships

What's their financial situation? I would most likely split an inheritance that left out a sibling, but my brother is far wealthier than I am and wouldn't care about a few grand.

Not gonna lie, I would ghost my siblings after this if I were you.

YANBU @Teaortea Sorry this has happened to you.

.

I can understand some of your upset, and there's clearly a lot of antagonistic family history. Which inheritances always seem to exacerbate. But I don't know why it's relevant that your DB is single/childfree? Does this make him less entitled to an inheritance?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable the whole thing is hurtful but I wouldn’t pull the person close who told you. You may be looking in the wrong direction for who the truly manipulative person is in this situation. I could imagine anyone I know keeping quiet about a sum of money that may upset someone and may have been needed or earmarked so therefore you don’t want to give away but I can’t imagine anyone I know telling someone something like that. That’s purely done to make trouble and cause hurt.

I think it's more that they know they sound grabby, so phrase it as though they're upset for their children in the hope that people will see it differently.

If she'd left £100k each, then I think feeling a bit hurt that she got nothing, would have some place.
But £10k isn't a huge amount to divide up and the other two, being in the same county, may well have visited, helped out etc to a far greater value than that amount. Op might have done it if she was nearer, but the point is she didn't.

I can't see really what they've done wrong. I'm sure if they'd said to the OP "X died and left us £10k" she wouldn't have been all "cool, that's lovely." It would have been just as hurt feelings and a thread about them boasting about it.

Just let it go as one of those things.

It's not their fault they were in the will and you weren't, BUT they were wrong to hide it from you.

If there’s anyone that you actually could legitimately be annoyed at, it’s the aunt who left you out!

There was never going to be a good way of saying to you, 'Hey - auntie left us £10k each and you nothing, cos you're never around'. I personally think they made the kindest and wisest decision not to inform you.

Look at how you've reacted - blaming THEM - now that you've found out. And you do seem to think you are entitled to a share from them both. I don't know why.

No, I woudn't expect my DM to share a £10k inheritence from her SIL with me or my kids. Why on earth would I? It's hardly a fortune and it wasn't left to me. You sound very hard work and touchy about 'being left out'.

I can only guess they were trying to save your feelings on the fact your aunt left you out of her will. How did you find out, OP?

Kindly though, I think YABU. Your aunt can leave her money to whoever she likes, and your mum and brother can spend it on whatever they want. They aren’t obligated to tell you, buy your kids a present, etc. They can do with it as they like.

There is a history of my DM treating me badly bordeinf on neglect and abuse when I was younger, favouring my DB but this seems so unbelievable, even for them!

Youre not unreasonable to be upset about the secrecy. But I think perhaps the lesson you need to learn here is to accept just how bad your mother’s treatment of you is. If she treated you badly as a child, it doesn’t seem surprising to me that she would do something like this. If you go on expecting better behaviour from her, you just keep giving her more chances to hurt you. It’s not your fault, but you can limit how much she can hurt you.

Something kind of similar has happened in my family so I know what toxic family dynamics are like. YANBU to be hurt but you are BU to be surprised. Sounds like your mum’s treated you shittily all your life so I’m not sure why you’d assume she’d have a sudden wish to share. If she’s a dick to you why would she be bothered about her grandkids?

So what do you think that your mum & brother should have done?

Why is your husband so up in arms about it?