Found out I was left out of secret family inheritance

😂

You are not going to find many posts posts you want to read on MN then.

I suggest that you spend the time you saved finding another websites to browse because you're reeeeaaaallly not going to enjoy the rest of MN.

I'm curious to know how much time OP saved by writing DM, DB, DC, etc...
I guess it saved me a lot of time cause I didn't bother reading the rest.

So did you see the wills yet? It's crucial that you do to know if your aunt really DID leave the money to your mum or if your mum was named executor and charged with distributing funds and did it wrong because she's not good to you and favours the golden child.

You keep saying it’s not about the money it’s about the fact they didn’t tell you that they inherited the money, then you keep saying that if you inherited money you would share it with them!!
so you do sound like you’re not happy because they didn’t share with you!!
Also, what would you have said if they did tell you that they had inherited money??

you’re contradicting yourself!!

Have I missed something about a Will in OP's posts or are people assuming there was one? In which case there may not have been a Will. OP may not have been entitled to anything either way but she's not wrong in feeling hurt. It's another kick from her family.

Reposting since people seem not to have noticed these details.

She didn't get anything because they've already been treating her badly?

I had this problem too. DM = dear mother and DB = dear brother
Where dear is facetious.

Get over it, it was her wish. Why should they tell you?

Do you actually know she left it to them in her Will? When it's not huge sums and no Will banks will allow a family member to sign an indemnity and receive the funds. If there was a Will another theory is that they persuaded her to write it that way saying they were more in need or they were the ones looking after her.

I'm sorry for all the harsh replies on here. Of course it hurts. I know I'm not getting anything compared to my sisters but that's been discussed with me. I know the reasons. My little sister cared for my mother for years sacrificing a lot so she will inherit this house if not needed for care.

My siblings have been told a while ago that our dad bought a local authority housing after living in it a while , recently someone who works for the housing innocently told me without realising , that our father told a lie , he's not a nice man , serve my siblings right , I come from a very toxic background . I made sure I became estranged . I've done alright with my life , and I'm glad I stayed away...my point...its better to know you stand alone than to be like those who toe the toxic narrative. Hold your head up high and feel free , money is nothing , your self esteem is everything.

It could be that they took care of her. It could also be that she felt perhaps where you live the economy is better and are more financially stable, have better opportunities, etc. It sounds like they didn't tell you so you wouldn't feel left out or if these things mentioned above aren't the case, they were just greedy and didn't want to help you out with some. You know your situation best. Maybe you're dealing with a narcissist or two in the family. I'm sorry you feel excluded. As for your mother, I get having a terrible parent. Hugs to you.

Totally unreasonable not your money not your concern.

This is a difficult one. I totally understand the hurt, finding out about this. I can also sort of understand them not telling you. The amount of the inheritance for each of them is significant but not a life changing amount of money.

I think everyone would find something they could easily use 10 grand for - house repairs, a new car, to pay off debts etc. Once you start to divide it further, the less meaningful amount it is.

If they do tell you, how do they do it without it hurting you. I can sort of see the thought that what you don't know can't hurt you. They may have had a concern you would be hurt to know you were carved out of the Will and them telling you would be rubbing your face in it. We are not talking about undisclosed millions.

Sometimes in families, and I know this hurts - is that those who go overseas and start a new life are overlooked in scenarios like this. You are far more out of sight and sometimes out of mind - from the Aunt's perspective.

My thoughts too. The best reason for keeping it a secret....

The OP said the aunt was the wife of her mother's brother. Therefore, as not a blood relative,I assume she must have made a will and left the money to whomever she wanted.It just happened she did not left the OP anything.

This all depends of circumstances. If the aunt gifted the money in a will,she could just leave it to whomever she wanted. If the aunt's estate was legally distributed and somehow,your family forgot to mention your existence when you were due a share,then,it's a different story.

I never understood these sorts of grievances.

Your aunt left the money to THEM. Not to you or your kids. To her sister and her nephew, who lived in the same country and were (presumably) close(r) to her than you. You're not entitled to any of it, neither are your kids.

Not telling you would be shitty in normal circs, but given your entitled grabby reaction, I'm not surprised. They probably knew it and that's the reason they didn't tell you.

I'm in a similar situation, I live abroad whilst all my family are back in my home country. My grandmother gifted money to buy a flat to my brother a few years ago. About 200k, substantially more than 10k. She didn't give anything to me. Truth is, we were never close, I can't really stand her (for many reasons) and I don't hide it. I don't care about her money and not going to pretend to love her. I visit her out of obligation once in two years when forced (if that). So it would be ridiculous of me to expect anything from her. And neither do I expect my brother to share, why would he, it was gifted to HIM and not me. I wouldn't share in this situation either. And however it might sound, we actually do have a great relationship with my brother, money doesn't come into it.

I know full well already that she'll be leaving everything to my brother when she dies. It's no secret. She'll bypass her daughter (my mother) and me. I'm fine with that. And no, I don't expect him to share. Her will is her will and she's entitled to leave her money to whomever she wants, it's not for me to decide.

Incidentally OP, how did you come to find out about their 'windfall'?

You say that but tbh it sounds like if they had “only” given your kids a few hundred pounds then it still wouldn’t have been enough.

Your aunt left it to the family nearby who she saw more often.

I think they did the right thing not telling you - what good could possibly come of it? You were only ever going to take it badly. (I’m not saying you’re wrong for feeling like that, but the situation is what it is. For context my sibling leaves close to my mother and he will inherit all when she passes, rather than me, and I am more than OK with that because he is there day in day out looking after her - it has really been hard earned.)

I know you say you aren’t grabby but that really isn’t how it’s coming across. Your children aren’t entitled to your aunt’s money just because they’re important to you - they are your priority but no one else’s. Being grabby on their behalf is still being grabby.

You say its not about the money - but you just thought out and listed what you would have done with the money had you had it.

Personally, they inherited money from an aunt you have never said you had a close relationship with - telling you would have triggered two things:

1. you feeling left out (which you do now)
2. you expecting a share (which you do - you've stated they could have at least bought something for your kids).

I can see why they did not tell you - can you not see why they did not tell you?

Maybe they didn't want to mention it because they thought it would seem like they were gloating?

I appreciate your upset by the secrecy but, wouldn't it be worse if they told you they got and, how they were going to spend it?

Your obviously quite a jealous person. This was probably to save you the jealousy and them from the hassle of your jealousy.

How did you find out anyway? If someone said, I'm confident it was to get a rise out of you and, it seems it worked 🤦🏻‍♀️

Apologies if I am repeating anything previous said but, have you actually seen your Aunt's will? A will is public property so I would be tempted to apply for a copy of it and ensure you were left out, rather than others keeping the money from you.