Have I over reacted?

@CosyLemur the OP (@TwinMamaTee ) has changed name (to @TwinMama88,) so not all responses show up when you click "see all", but the OP has said he is not dealing with a death. OP says " it's not a death as such, it's a loss but not in that sense. I can't say without it being outting.
And what he was doing was not something that had to be done immediately that moment.

And if things were tough, he could have said to me 'sorry, can't come today because of x,y,z' but he just wasn't going to come and not tell me."

To stand someone up without calling ahead when you know your plans have changed is a clear display of not valuing her time.

Doesn't value her time when for 2 of the 4 weeks he's been dealing with a death and helping get his parents sorted? Yet she thinks those things can wait

Right so all he has shown you with that message is he's good at saying charming things.

I mean this kindly but there is no point whatsoever in talking things of this sort through. You can't force someone to be considerate towards you.

I feel for you because it's hard to resist someone you're into when he's laying it on thick as he is right now.

The best thing you can ever do for yourself is be clear on your own standards and stick to them. To accept last minute cancellations and keep yourself as a perpetually available option for someone else is doing yourself a massive disservice.

You can ignore my advice in my last post, wear yourself out trying to make him see your pov or you can get on with your own life, set high standards and be ready for someone (him potentially) to come along and reach.

Don’t put up with a guy who makes you feel second best. He is flaky. YANBU!

So, we've spoken.
Not sure if it's gotten us anywhere. I've been completely honest. But don't feel like he's really taken my point of view on board at all. He doesn't see the big deal.

Then I got this message off him early this morning. He must have woken up early because he sleeps in late on weekends so it was very early for him.

"Just wanted to say... Looking back and feeling the things I feel... Every single moment I've spent with you, being with you, holding your hand, hugging you while you lay on my chest, has brought nothing but peace and happiness within me... I just wanted you to know that"

I don't know if he's stuck in his ways from being single for so long and not having had to consider someone else, whether he's actually being dismissive on purpose, I just don't know.
I've explained why it's important to me, but will it make any difference.
I remember why I've been single for so long now, relationships are rough.

If you want to continue seeing him I wouldn't bother talking to him about it now or engaging in any chitchat. I'd say hope you got your stuff sorted, I'm going into a busy week at work so won't have time for catch-ups before the weekend. I wouldn't answer how are you, good morning goodnight messages for at least 8 hours and just one reply back, no back and forth.

If and only if he suggested weekend plans early in the week (before Wednesday) I'd meet him again but I would very much treat it like a first date. So no heavy talk, no baring of the soul, friendly, fun, flirty but a complete reset. You only know him a month! And I'd see if he pulled anymore stunts like this. If he did I'd block and walk away.

If he tries to make weekend plans Wednesday afterwards send a bright and brief "oh that would have been lovely but I have weekend plans now sorry. Shame, it would have been really nice to see you again. ".

If the following week he suggests something with appropriate notice then follow my advice from the previous paragraph.

People may call this game playing but he's not showing signs of being a reliable considerate sort and you need to protect your heart until he does. I'd also consider myself single and dating at this point.

Haven't spoken to him yet.

Had a few missed calls from him last night but I wasn't in the headspace to talk.
Tbh I'm not sure what to even say right now.

Do you think there's a chance he could have read or listened to one of those so-called 'relationship coaches' that promote themselves as helping men to control women?
Could he be deliberately blowing hot and cold to disorientate and confuse you in some kind of macho power thing?
Just an idea.
If that's so, tell him to quit it and stop playing silly games. His behaviour will tell you if there's something worthwhile there or not.

You’ve massively overreacted for only being a month in. I would have said ok no worries and went about my day. If he isn’t making the effort then I wouldn’t either.

Ye that's how it feels.
I tried to give the benefit of the doubt, have been understanding, but last night was the last straw for me.

I've been single a long time. It took a lot for me to put trust into someone.

I usually hear from him a few times a day and haven't heard from him at all. I'm certainly not going to reach out to him.
If he does, I'll see what he has to say.

He doesn't value your time. Repeatedly cancelling last minute - he isn't thinking "oh, she has turned down other plans to make time for me" he is thinking "I'll see how I feel on the day and if I can be bothered then I'll see her and if I can't be bothered, I won't. She'll just be there waiting for me either way"

Oh blimey, I have no idea how that happens or how to fix it, sorry. Both are me though lol.

I think you’ve had a name change fail @TwinMamaTee @TwinMama88

You are still not unreasonable.

A 'loss' 2 weeks ago doesn't mean it was urgent he did this Saturday daytime. He could have said to parents, 'Yep. Leave it with me. I've got plans on Saturday, but I'll organise the stuff for the trip on Sun night and we will be good to go'.

He didn't. He simply told you he was busy.

@IlooklikeNigella I think that's it...I don't feel like he values my time. It's like he wants to come when it's convenient for him. But if he's got something better to do, he won't bother sort of thing. I feel like an afterthought.

I'm not unreasonable at all. If he'd explained to me that there was an issue, I'd have understood.
And when the family issue happened a couple of weeks ago, I supported him, listened when he was upset.
Now I feel foolish and wonder if he ever cared at all.

OP yanbu by any stretch. The death was two weeks ago and by the sounds of things he just has some tasks to fulfill. He didn't even apologise or ask you when would suit you to reschedule, he flippantly told you he'd drop over tomorrow instead.

He is the type of person who does not value another person's time. He thinks it's ok to leave them hanging or at a loose end in the evening. He assumes you will be available the next day or whenever it suits him.

You have done exactly the right thing EXCEPT where you are relating his behaviour to how he feels about you. This kind of guy treats everyone like this. He's selfish to his core and no conversations or strong feelings will change that.

I would bin him off entirely personally but if you're not quite there yet I would change the line of communication from "I don't feel like I'm a priority to you" to "I'm a person with commitments and a busy schedule and I'm not really interested in a guy with such a laissez faire attitude."

You could give it another couple of weeks but I wouldn't be adapting to his lazy chaotic approach to life.

I haven't said that. And it's not a death as such, it's a loss but not in that sense. I can't say without it being outting.
And what he was doing was not something that had to be done immediately that moment.
And if things were tough, he could have said to me 'sorry, can't come today because of x,y,z' but he just wasn't going to come and not tell me.
But I'm literally here to see if people think I'm over reacting or not. But nowhere have I said I'm more important than his family at all.

You are right. You are way more important than a death in his family

I reckon so too.

That’s a bit different. Organising for him and his parents to go abroad because of some sort of family issue isn’t really something he can put off. He’d need his parents input and maybe that’s when they were free to be involved in the planning/booking?

It’s a little different from wanting to wash the car or something. And if they have just had a loss, then he may be upset and not really thinking of you and what you need in that moment because he was thinking of his parents and himself and whatever the issue abroad is.

I think a death in the family does kind of trump most other things. But, it's probably a shitty time to try and start a new relationship. I'd be taking a raincheck.

Married.

You did the right thing OP. It sounds like you’re not a priority to him right now.