Rare few hours with husband at a spa... he hasn't asked me a single question

Next thing you know you are texting "we need bread".

He might want some quiet?

9 months?

Honeymoon period.

You wait.

Ditto. Love my DH. Only go the the spa without him. He likes to dissect and discuss all the minutiae of our lives. I just want silence + a fancy herbal tea

I dislike chit chat in a spa. It’s a place for quiet relaxation for me. Could it be that?

I’ve got two kids. I’ve had the very long term thing before. We split, but not for this reason. Because he also did always show an interest and ask about things about me. Because again, when I met him years and years ago, this was at the top of my list.

Men, if they are interested, will show it. Sorry you picked a guy who isn’t. But if you valued other aspects then you’ll have a chosen him for those.

I hate it when people yammer away at a spa. Mealtimes OK, but when you're trying to chill and someone's just blah, blah, blah, and its always utter bollocks too, nope just STFU already.

Maybe he's worried that, if he asks questions, you'll answer them.

Maybe he's thinking 'I do wish she would stop cross examining me when I want to just relax!'.
Just because you happen to be married doesn't mean there has to be a constant dialogue, aka wittering.

You're 9 months in. Give it a few years🤭

There’s truth in this too. When dh talks it’s generally about himself or things relating to his work etc. I think he worries il start getting “deep” if he asks about me, but really it’s inherent selfishness on their part.

My dh tends to waffle on even if ask him a question that requires a two word answer, so I generally don’t ask!

😂👍

This made me snort 🤣🤣

Isn’t a spa more for relaxing? Perhaps he is trying to relax? I wouldn’t be expecting my partner to ask me aload of questions in general though, do you not communicate on a daily basis?

If you wanted a more chatty type of date maybe lunch or dinner would have been better?

I remember your previous post.

Obviously, this is not about the spa. This is about your persistent feeling that he doesn’t want to connect to you and that you don’t matter to him. If you were to say to him “Why aren’t you talking?”, he’d likely get defensive, maybe try to convince you this is not a problem at all, and then take some space/act off. He responds in this way because you do actually matter to him and he does want to connect to you. Maybe he’s just looking for a different kind of connection right now. He’s answering your questions because he wants to get it right for you and to make you happy, but maybe he’d just like to enjoy the spa together quietly. That’s connection for him.

I’d really recommend Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. All of this can be worked on. You don’t have to live with this feeling of not mattering.

Mine does.

I started dating a couple years ago after being single for a decade. This was one of the things at the top of my list; someone who would be engaged. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months now and it’s definitely one of the reasons I stayed with this one after the first few days (along with a whole load more reasons). He asks questions and he remembers what I’ve said, he remembers things I have coming up and asks about them etc. Men who are interested in you will take an interest. He does the same with his friends and with his family, so it’s not perfomative for a new relationship. He takes an interest in the people in his life.

Why are you talking? You’re at a spa. I go to a spa for a day once a month or so, and it’s quiet time. Sometimes with a friend, sometimes alone… it’s quiet time. Maybe a little bit of catch up, a run down of chat about the news or whatever or some gossip but after that… it’s quiet self reflection and relax time. I’d really hate to be asked question after question.
Go for a dinner date if that’s what you want.

Men don't ask women questions. Once you notice it, you'll never be able to unsee it.

I wouldn’t expect to be doing much talking at a spa.

I’d think it a bit rude to do so. I view a spa as a place to relax and enjoy the quiet. I’d be a bit annoyed if I was trying to enjoy the quietness and someone wanted to talk or others were talking. There are way better and more suitable places to talk.

I'd say because you're at a spa, YABU as he might just want to have treatments in silence and relax. It would annoy me if DP kept talking to me and asking me questions. Maybe going to the pub for lunch or something would have been better if you wanted to chat.

It sounds like you are a talker and he isn’t?

I love my dh but honestly I sometimes run out of things to talk to him about. He however could chat all day. At a spa I’d want to relax and keep chat minimal.

If I took my husband to a spa all that I would be getting out of him would be gentle snoring.

And then to whinge on mumsnet.

yup hard work

And just tell him stuff coz like you are married !

My husband does this to me ! ‘Oh you haven’t asked me one question’ sad face!

fucking irritating !!!!! He is there to relax too, not be secretly judged.

you are hard work