Rare few hours with husband at a spa... he hasn't asked me a single question

I understand what you mean - my DP is like this. He’ll come home from work and I’ll be like “how was you day?” Cue ten mins of his moaning - but nothing back…. I think it’s just polite to ask or show an interest.

Give him a list of questions then he will know what is expected of him.

So do mine. It's bloody annoying. A chatterbox. But I think he would shut up and relax at a spa because that is what you're supposed to do🤷‍♀️

I completely get how you are feeling, especially in the context of a relationship under strain. However if you want things to improve, you might want to avoid focusing on his faults and try and think about what he does bring to the relationship. (Perhaps this is not a great deal and what you are wrestling with, but still). Sounds like you want connection and a critical approach doesn’t facilitate that. I’m not excusing him at all - I think you should address this later - but just saying that it’s easy to magnify a bad behaviour like this and increase hurt feelings, instead of looking to magnify the parts that are good about someone.

I can see how that must be quite hurtful. But maybe he just doesn't realise?

Did you have high expectations for this outing because its so rare? Maybe its a good chance to discuss how you can consciously plan to get more time together and what you would like to do

Maybe that would set your mind at rest, but when youve had a good think about it perhaps it would be a way into raising the issue that he seems to have no curiosity - it needn't be done in a confrontational way, but calmly saying what kind of approach you'd like to see more of.

Best of luck. It is hard when you have so many DC responsibilities and everything is a mad rush...

Is he offering this information up to you voluntarily or just answering your questions?

If he's offering it up voluntarily maybe he expects you to also just say what's on your mind too.

If he's just answering questions, maybe he's not in a talking mood and just wants to chill out but you keep asking questions.

You're at a spa..... supposedly for quiet and relaxation. Why do you want someone to be chattering away? I think I'm with your husband on this one, OP.

It also can be, that not reciprocating questions to someone you care about, is a polite way to get across that you're not interested in chatting at the minute, without upsetting the person by saying so if they're over sensitive. We don't know OP, we don't know how she'd react if he said he wasn't really in the mood for chatting, nor do we know how long or brief his answers are.
When you live with someone, you tend to know all the mundane stuff about each other, so if you're out, the conversation does tend to be around other things than asking and answering questions about yourself.

If you never get time child free op don’t take his silence personally.
He is probably enjoying the calm and letting his mind rest whilst
your squawking in his ear 😂😂
I word it that way because when my 3 dcs go to bed my partner uses that opportunity to ask me about my day etc. yea it’s lovely and considerate but often I just want to sit for half hour and really wind down. Then I can have a meaningful conversation he deserves.

I think you both just probably had different ideas of what the spa day was. X

In a situation of relationship difficulties a spa / lunch seems ‘high stakes’.

(I recall disagreements with DH during rare meals out when the DC were small and we got little time together, when I got cross with him for talking mainly about work matters)

seems like you feel there is a wider problem with his interest in and treatment of you/communication approach, with this being the latest interaction showing that.

Putting the spa thing to one side if you feel he doesn't show enough interest in you, talks about himself a lot and responds happily to your questions but doesn't reciprocate then it's too one sided and he doesn't sound attentive or caring. My DH will sometimes yabber on about himself especially after a day out without me and I have to remind him to ask me about my day too. He always says "you could just tell me, I don't have to ask" but I disagree, it's important to show interest. Be solicitous now and then!

I feel like you’re putting a lot of pressure on an afternoon out. Can you not just relax and have fun?

Spas are meant to be peaceful/relaxing... leave him be.

I know exactly what you are saying, you can sense he’s not interested in you, if he was he would ask.

Even more annoying when he’s happy to talk about himself.

its a downward spiral, you resent him for not asking anything; you stop asking him anything, you stop talking. I don’t think it gets better.

Going places - new things to do and see tend to be good bring up previous place been together- meals less so - not sure about spas as not my thing.

I think what the OP is clearly on about, is that lack of curiosity about her as a person which she is finding hurtful. That's what she means by questions, surely? This was a day for the two of them to relax together and bond a bit without the pressures of everyday life. She is making an effort to find out how he's feeling about stuff - he is not.

After a few years together, both partners do really need to make an effort to make the other one feel interesting and wanted and desired.

I just think it's a rare opportunity to connect, which is much needed. Feel like he has no interest in me. Not sure it's deliberate but it has an impact.

I had this when kids were young and time we got together were really few and far between. Felt like all he did was talk about work and all I did was talk about the kids. I often felt more depressed afterwards and less connected.

It changed with time kids got older and we do more small things - local walks together more low key less pressured. Tend to enjoy the time we do have together a bit more.

So I think it's partly pressure you unintending put upon the limited time and possibly activity - not all are as good.

If he is chatting away about himself, why don't you chat away about yourself? You don't need to be asked a question. Thinking about conversation between DH and I, it isn't a Q& A, we just talk, if there is something I want to talk about I will and vice versa, I don't wait to be asked. We are both journalists though so perhaps we are just sick of asking people questions.

Have you discussed it with him? I like peacefulness at the spa, maybe he is answering your questions to be polite but hoping you get the hint if he doesn't carry on the conversation.

If it was bothering you, why not ask him? I chat more than my dh. He doesn't tend to think too deeply about things but he will if prompted and we have great chats but generally they are initiated by me. I'm.ok with it, we are happy and it's a small thing that isn't a deal breaker.

Is this part of a wider issue? Do you feel he has lost interest in you? If so, why not talk about that with him and see what he says

Did he start the conversations?

I'm guessing you're not including "where's xyz" at least ten times a day.

DH and I both enjoy an occasional spa day together, as it is a nice way to spend time together in a stress-free way. We do chat throughout the day. Not during treatments obviously, but while in the jacuzzi or sauna, if we're the only ones in there we chat away at a low volume. As do we during the lunch. I think that's normal because all the other couples and groups of friends on spa days do the same IME.

I'm going to disagree with most of the PPs, and say that I would also be a bit put out if DH and I spent the day together and he showed not one jot of interest in me. Especially if we hadn't spent any real time together in ages. DH is a big one for talking a lot about his job and hobby, but he'll also show an interest in mine too. I can see why you feel a bit miffed, OP.

My EX husband was like this never interested in asking me about my life or opinions. Happy to go on and on about things he wanted to talk about though

I see a spa as a place to relax, not a place to have deep conversations.

I assume you also had a meal/a coffee break at some point during your joint day off and that it would be a better option to chat then.