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Original poster

Rare few hours with husband at a spa... he hasn't asked me a single question

165 replies

SHAW82 · 17/10/2024 12:02

At a spa with my husband for a v v v rare few hours together without the kids. He's not asked me one question or shown any interest or curiosity. I have asked him questions and he's talked about himself. How does he expect us to connect?

OP posts:
Original poster
SHAW82 · 17/10/2024 17:57

AgileGreenSeal · 17/10/2024 15:31

When I go to a spa the last thing I want to do is chat, and certainly not answer questions. 😫

Should have clarified, this was over lunch not in the quiet place. Felt like a very appropriate place to have a conversation. He was willingly chatting away, just seemingly with no interest in bringing me in.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/10/2024 17:51

IVFmumoftwo · 17/10/2024 12:48

Next thing you know you are texting "we need bread".

Show quote history

Another six years and the entire message history will be

Bread

Milk

Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...

Cat food

Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...
Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...

Fucking cat got a mouse under the sofa

Cat food

Teabags

Available for collection: Your Amazon parcel with...

PuddlesPityParty · 17/10/2024 17:30

SHAW82 · 17/10/2024 16:41

Not at the spa when I posted

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you literally said “at a spa”.

Itsalwaysthelasttime · 17/10/2024 16:48

@SHAW82 honestly your op and follow ups have been very very clear for some reason lots of pp's are determined not to understand or listen to you 😂 oh the irony

Original poster
SHAW82 · 17/10/2024 16:46

ZippyLimeSnake · 17/10/2024 12:41

Isn’t a spa more for relaxing? Perhaps he is trying to relax? I wouldn’t be expecting my partner to ask me aload of questions in general though, do you not communicate on a daily basis?

If you wanted a more chatty type of date maybe lunch or dinner would have been better?

Should have clarified, this was over lunch not in the quiet place. He was willingly chatting, just with no interest in bringing me in.

OP posts:
Original poster
SHAW82 · 17/10/2024 16:44

StoatofDisarray · 17/10/2024 13:52

I hate talking at spas, it's somewhere I go to get away from people not to have a lively conversation about my innermost thoughts! Maybe your husband feels the same way.

I agree, should have clarified. It was during lunch at the restaurant. Seemed OK to chat there. He was happily and willingly chatting away. Just not showing any interest in a two way interaction.

OP posts:
Original poster
SHAW82 · 17/10/2024 16:41

PuddlesPityParty · 17/10/2024 14:40

… and you’re on mumsnet ?

Not at the spa when I posted

OP posts:
Original poster
SHAW82 · 17/10/2024 16:39

Sepoctnov · 17/10/2024 16:27

One of the things I realised when my marriage started to crumble was the lack of chat and small talk. I used to try and it was all one way traffic. The silence was deafening.

I'm not saying it's the same for you OP but I sympathise. Hopefully your DH was just trying to enjoy the spa in quiet. What is he like usually?

He was happily chatting away without any need for reels of questions from me, as some posters have assumed I was bombarding his peace 😂. This was over lunch too, not in the quiet environment. The issue was that the conversation was one way, with a lot of talking from him and little interest or curiosity beyond that. Just felt like a missed opportunity to have a two way connecting chat.

OP posts:
Addictedtohotbaths · 17/10/2024 16:30

ManhattanPopcorn · 17/10/2024 15:57

"Men don't ask women questions. Once you notice it, you'll never be able to unsee it."

Do they ask anyone questions, I wonder.

No some don’t. Women can be the same, I feel like a lot of people talk at you, don’t listen to what you have to say in response and are too busy thinking what they are going to say next while you’re thinking.

I feel like social media has made people this way.

Sepoctnov · 17/10/2024 16:27

One of the things I realised when my marriage started to crumble was the lack of chat and small talk. I used to try and it was all one way traffic. The silence was deafening.

I'm not saying it's the same for you OP but I sympathise. Hopefully your DH was just trying to enjoy the spa in quiet. What is he like usually?

Spreadtheluv · 17/10/2024 16:22

afrikat · 17/10/2024 12:53

We talk about current events, what podcasts we are listening to, different films we have watched, what holiday we fancy next year, house renovations we want to do, we gossip about friends.. Also kids stuff, timings for the coming week, what we are going to eat, what exercise we have planned this week, what's going on at work (not much, we bother get bored with work chat). Loads of stuff!

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Lovely 😁

ManhattanPopcorn · 17/10/2024 15:57

"Men don't ask women questions. Once you notice it, you'll never be able to unsee it."

Do they ask anyone questions, I wonder.

DysmalRadius · 17/10/2024 15:45

It's telling that a lot of posters are keen to tell you that they don't want to talk when they are at a spa and ignoring the fact that both you and your husband are happy to chat but only one of you is actually getting to do so!!

Maybe spas attract those that are more interested in talking about themselves than listening to the person they are engaging with.

Dweetfidilove · 17/10/2024 15:40

Birdscratch · 17/10/2024 12:04

I’d just be glad of the quiet. I am divorced though …

😆😆

AgileGreenSeal · 17/10/2024 15:31

When I go to a spa the last thing I want to do is chat, and certainly not answer questions. 😫

RampantIvy · 17/10/2024 15:24

DH and I don't tend to ask each oher questions unless it is asking how his hospital visit went or whether he had a nice visit with his sister. We tend to volunteer information about ourselves, thus not necessitating the need to ask each other questions all the time.

HappyTwo · 17/10/2024 15:07

Its interesting because I talk the ear off my hubby for over 20 years, and he enjoys spending time with me, but come to think of it he never asks me questions...he doesn't need to I just say what I want to talk about? I ask him questions to help him open up but no need for him to ask me questions as I just chat away!

NunyaBeeswax · 17/10/2024 15:02

What's he meant to ask?

"What do you do for a living?"
"What's your hobbies?"
"How many kids you got?"

I mean... If he asks questions you'll.moan he doesn't already know the answers.. 🤪

Demonhunter · 17/10/2024 15:00

S0CKPUPPET · 17/10/2024 14:43

Really ? For most families / couples/ friends I know, 95% of the chat is about the “ mundane” things - themselves and their lives - their work / hobbies / family members/ friends / kids / parents / money / holidays etc .

When I meet up with my Friends or family that’s all we talk about - I’m impressed that you talk about 8th century Chinese pottery , the Manx language or underwater basket weaving.

You've just reinforced my point. When you live with someone, that's what you talk about daily, not when you're having a relaxing time out somewhere. No need for loads of questions about yourself as the person you live with, should already know the answers.

If it's someone you don't live with or chat with daily, then yes, the conversation does tend to be about your daily lives.

Talking about current affairs or areas of interest with your OH isn't the pretentious thing you seem to think it is.

Plus if you're doing something that's meant to be relaxing for you both, doesn't need to include a string of questions about yourself.

adviceneeded1990 · 17/10/2024 14:56

SweetSakura · 17/10/2024 12:05

Maybe he wanted to go and just switch off and not chat?
I love DH but sometimes his endless chat makes me want to scream. In fact his need to chat at the spa has put me off going

Same 😂 I love to just chill with a book so I’ll pointedly say I’m looking forward to having time to read but often that’ll prompt chat about the story and the author and what DH is reading! Luckily he finds it funny not offensive when I eventually just tell him to shut up it’s quiet time 😂.

Doodleflips · 17/10/2024 14:52

Op - it’s totally normal to want your husband to take an interest in you. It’s just selfish to talk about himself, and not ask about you in return.

decorativecushions · 17/10/2024 14:47

A spa isn't really a place for a deep conversion.

He probably just wants some peace.

Reminds me of a few years ago when I went for a relaxing massage and the lady doing it kept trying to chat and ask me questions. Same with getting a haircut. Rare child free time is time to decompress and relax
Not chat and answer questions.

Your DH should just tell you this though.

S0CKPUPPET · 17/10/2024 14:44

Sorry that last comment was to @Demonhunter who said

“When you live with someone, you tend to know all the mundane stuff about each other, so if you're out, the conversation does tend to be around other things than asking and answering questions about yourself”

S0CKPUPPET · 17/10/2024 14:43

Really ? For most families / couples/ friends I know, 95% of the chat is about the “ mundane” things - themselves and their lives - their work / hobbies / family members/ friends / kids / parents / money / holidays etc .

When I meet up with my Friends or family that’s all we talk about - I’m impressed that you talk about 8th century Chinese pottery , the Manx language or underwater basket weaving.

PuddlesPityParty · 17/10/2024 14:40

… and you’re on mumsnet ?