Think I've blown it with friend

OP, it's normal to feel upset about this. 15 years is a long friendship.

I too have lost touch with some friends, for different reasons, and it's difficult!
But I try to cherish the memories I have, and think that perhaps we will get in touch again sometime in the future. And I think about the other friends I have.

Think about what you have. Think of your children. Think of your other friends.

I have to admit that I wasn’t surprised to see your familiar username, OP. You have lots (and lots!) of similar threads. In them people tell you that you come across as intense, needy, demanding, and become rather aggressive with people when they don’t do what you want/expect in the relationship or interaction.

Have you had any luck with getting some therapy or counseling? I thought you’d mentioned looking into that in one or two of the threads. I do really think it would help you. You seem to get emotionally deregulated easily and have a hard time getting yourself back on track. I think working with someone on coping strategies would be really beneficial for you and help you be less anxious and stressed about all these interactions.

Ah, you're having one of those patches. It happens.

The best thing to do? Focus on other relationships and other things. Give all of this some time and space. Go and do something else, it'll take your kind off it all.

What do you do for fun? Or to relax?

If several people in your life have opted for the silent treatment, you have maybe coming on too strong and they’ve felt that they had to step back completely.

You sound like you’re struggling to manage your emotions and therefore probably coming across as very intense.

I think it’s time to seek professional help.

I've pmed you. Sending you positive energy.

Every few days does sound like quite a lot. Sometimes life does get hectic and it might be that she really is taking a social media break.

If you are good friends, then why do you call her to know one way or another?

That’s the only way you can really know, texts don’t give much away.

It sounds like you need her more than maybe she does you at the moment, what with moving away, so maybe you are focusing on it more. She might not want to text so regularly, friendships do evolve and go through ebbs and flows.

I think you need to try to find ways to deal with your emotions yourself because it can be very exhausting for friends to have to be the ones you offload on to. Just sit with this and feel what you feel and then move on from it. This won't kill you. It just takes time. You shouldn't always need other people to make you feel better.

You’re not ridiculous OP but you do need to work on your self esteem.

Friendships change and sometimes there’s no reason or fault, it’s just life.

You are torturing yourself wondering what you’ve done wrong or wondering why x y or z hasn’t text you or replied.

Only you can control what you do, you can’t control others.

Get some help with your self esteem, put yourself first, get comfortable with being with yourself. Join a class nearby for social interaction, make a goals list and start ticking things off.

You’ve got this!

Why did you have to move countries? Where do you live now?

Blimey OP dial down the Angst!

Why has your sister fallen out with you?

I understand what it's like getting the silent treatment. I have got it off someone who I was very close to. It was always me messaging first then we'd chat for ages. Got lots in common. But I've stopped now and it's been over a year! I have very good friends where I live they are always in touch. The ignorer lives in a different country still GB though. It's very hurtful.

Get out there and make some good connections. Sounds like you're already making an effort.

OP you are really hurting and it is sad to read how much this has affected you.

You are not a horrible person. The fact that this friendship endured for so long is testimony to that. But this person, at the moment, is not in a position to give you what you are seeking. I do still think that she might miss the friendship in time and contact you again. But there is no guarantee of that. If she does you will be able to decide if you want to accept the level of friendship she is offering.

In the meantime, concentrate on the friends you have in your new city and on your daughter. Try to move forwards now. Allow yourself to feel sad, but do try not to become overwhelmed by these negative feelings.

Oh, @spanieleyes22, now you’re being passive-aggressive and huffy again! Is this how you navigate the world generally? I genuinely feel for you as you’re obviously hurt now that your sole emotional support is gone, but your responses on this thread to people who’ve by and large taken the trouble to make constructive suggestions or point out things you seem unaware of, and what you’re doing is putting everyone’s backs up…?

Ohhh you are definitely not the only person who makes mistakes or regrets something they've said, @spanieleyes22 - please don't beat yourself up any more.

It may be that she was telling the truth about having a digital detox, or it may be that there is something big going on in her life right now, that she isn't ready to share - I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why she stopped texting back.

All you can do now is be there if she does reach out - and if you want to rekindle the friendship, of course - and then focus on making friends where you are. When we moved from Essex to Scotland, I was worried that I wouldn't make any friends, so I joined an art class, and met people that way - and through that, I met people who took me to a knitting group and to a choir. Of the three, I only go to knitting now, but I have made friends in all three groups that I am still in touch with.

Obviously you need to find something you enjoy - when my son moved to a new town, he went on FB and found a social group for people in the town and went along to it - and he met his wife there - they have our first granddaughter and are expecting twins. Big things can happen when you put yourself out there.

I wish you well.

When you are on the very limits of what you can handle you don't always have the ability to share what's going on with people because you are just trying to keep your head above water. And if you do share just to keep them quiet it doesn't, you then get the 'how are you doing' etc questions despite saying I don't want to talk about it. People don't listen.

It's different but it's not that different. It's still someone trying to push a level of contact onto another person that's not wanted by them. It sounds like your friend has tried to subtly space out the messaging so that it's not as frequent. You're refusing to accept this and keep pushing it. Much like my friend. Your friend feels this pressure and so has said she's taking a break from her phone etc, to try and gently enforce her boundaries. To most people, they'd think OK, she clearly needs space, I'll take a bit of a step back. But you have refused to do so. To the point where she's been so frustrated that had to block the contact.

I used to message my friend often as well, as I knew this was the level/frequency of contact that she liked and it wasn't to difficult to maintain at that moment in my life. But it's unsustainable.

So many pps have tried to explain the above and similar but you don't seem to be able to grasp it. It might be an idea to, just for a few minutes, try and put yourself in her shoes, pretend that you're going through a stressful or busy time in your life which you don't want to go into but just desperately need a bit of breathing space. And that your way of dealing with this is peace and quiet soltitude as much as possible. But one person just won't step back and keeps on at you.
That would put a lot of pressure on someone. I think unless you recognise this, it's going to affect future friendships/relationships going forward.

You keep saying these passive aggressive things about how you’re ’not supposed to have strong feelings about anything’ and how you’re ’not allowed to expect anything these days’, which, added to you saying you ‘don’t want to scare anyone’, and repeated mentions of ‘I know what you’re all going to say’ and ‘you’re all going to land in on me’ suggests you know at some level how you’re coming across. And I don’t think it’s time-specific. It’s not healthy for your sole emotional outlet to be this text-based, long-distance friendship. It is playing too large a role in your emotional life.

None of us on here know how your friend is feeling, or what’s going on with her. All we have is her clearly expressed desire to be in less frequent text contact. That didn’t work for you, you got angry and sent her a huffy text, and now she’s removed herself altogether for now. That may of course change, but in the meantime, you need to focus on yourself, expanding your friendship horizons, and maybe some therapy?

You really weren't 'sorta friends' or this situation would never have ended up where it is.
At best, this time yesterday you had the illusion that you were friends

Oh god, I've got a colleague like this. Whilst I don't dislike the 37.5 hours a week I spend with her, the incessant messaging over the weekends really pisses me off. My time off work is precious enough without having to respond to requests for trivia about my life.

Nobody is scared by you acting intense OP, and frankly you talk as though your actions and words are having more of an impact on the people reading the posts here than they are. People are reading and advising and supporting but ultimately, aren't as invested in this as you are implying.

Reading back through all your messages and dissecting them to this level of detail is also very intense.

You are entitled to feel sad that the relationship has changed, but ultimately if she's as good a friend as you say then you should take her explanation at face value and stop looking for proof that she actually secretly hates you- it's not constructive and isn't going to make you feel any better.