Think I've blown it with friend

You come across as very self centred here OP. In reality you have no idea if she had something big going on and just needed some space. I would have blocked you too. Then when I felt more resilient I'd probably unblock you. As others have said sounds like you need some counselling as you seem to be struggling with managing strong emotions and don't have much of a support network. In future try to not take things so personally. Yes she may have made excuses about a phone detox but given your pushy approach I don't really blame her. If she'd said she just needs space at the moment how would you have responded? Based on what you've said here likely made it all about you and got offended. Sorry if that is hard to hear but if you want to maintain relationships effectively in the future uou have to be responsive to other people's needs too.

@spanieleyes22
Have a cry. It's okay to cry.
It does not have to be all gone, she might get in touch again someday. Give her some time.

Think about what you have in your life. You have your children. You have other friends.
Can you watch some TV or watch a movie, to distract yourself? Read a book?

I often don't reply to people quickly I have a busy life and don't have the mental energy to be messaging people all the time.

Lol you can check in on me if you like. Yes because a one way friendship is a good idea.
Just move on. Not meant to be. People come in and out of our lives. Life goes on.

I dont think you are a nasty person at all.
But your idea of friendship was incompatible with your friend's idea. You need to find people in your life to match your energy andhave similar approach to relationships.

You're probably one of the few admitting it😉. You sound very fragile OP and I don't say that to be mean. You need more support than you can get on an online forum. Can you call a hotline to talk to someone if you don't have a close friend in your country? It just seems like you're falling apart..try to find a psychologist who can help you asap. ❤️💐

You seem cery focused with this idea she lied to you. How do you know that though?
Many people want to disconnect and not hang around on the phone?
And even if, I think your reaction to what she said was very over the top.
I get it, it's super unpleasant that you spent time listening to her worries last year and then she 'ghosted you'. But maybe theover the phone friendship just does not work for her and shed rather it fizzled out naturally.
The biggest issue is not her, but the fact you dont have anyone else around and all your hopes are pinned on this distant person. You need to get out and meet people and get some perspective on this rather than pressure someone you dont get to see to send a certain amount of texts a week.

I have a friend who is incredibly intense and would be sat texting all day if she could, she gets upset if she doesn’t get instant responses to each message and thinks she much have done something to offend me and then want constant reassurance. It’s just all a bit much at times. Sometimes I just don’t want to text or call anyone. I just want to be left alone. It is allowed.

OP as this person isn't here to give her reasons I can't really say whether she was right to do what she did. Ghosting isn't nice but sometimes people don't feel like they have another option. I don't know if that applies here.

The excuse that she was trying to phone detox does make sense. If you have a lot of long distance people you keep up with that can take up a lot of time and sometimes you wake up and think "hey what about my 'real' life?". I don't know her or know if she has a habit of lying but it's a reason I'd take at face value because it makes sense.

I think she was trying to phase you out and you gave her an out .. def just leave it and don't bother her again

I've been your friend in this Scenario and tried to phase someone out who was overly emotional and insecure causing issues all the time and she didn't get the hint .. it ended up being very embarrassing for her so I would just leave it tbh

She wasn't ghosting you though. People who ghost don't respond to messages at all. She was still responding, just less frequently. She previously told you that she has been very busy lately and now she told you she is trying to spend less time on her phone. Those are her reasons for being quieter. It doesn't matter if you don't like them. They're still valid reasons. Why could you not respect that? Or even just accept it. There was no need for you to get passive-aggressive with her. Maybe she'll unblock you when things settle down, but right now she doesn't have time for your nonsense.

But she hasn't ghosted you. She's told you that she's trying to spend less time on her phone. Maybe thats the truth. A lot of people are realising the benefits of spending less time on screens. Instead of respecting that, you pushed for more. She's then felt the need to block you after having tried to pull back a bit and being met with her boundaries being pushed and prodded at by you.

Exactly. Many of us want to 'detox' from the phone. She told you her reason; it's not her fault that you don't believe her. It's a perfectly valid explanation. I don't understand why you are getting all PA about it. Of course, she didn't reply further after that.

@spanieleyes22, I moved countries just behold Covid, too, and I hear you. It was a difficult time to land somewhere new and start to make friends. But your friend is not responsible for your loneliness in your new country, and neither can you put it on her that her going silent is triggering for you because of your relationships with your ex and your sister. You need to manage your own emotional responses and not transfer your strong feelings about past relationship breakdowns onto this one.

It’s ok to be sad, and you should let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling, but converting that into anger at things you think she ‘should’ be doing is only going to make you more upset and bitter. Her shit is her shit. You don’t know what it is. You can’t control it. Don’t write off the friendship. I reconnected last year with someone who dropped me like a stone in 2011 because of her shit.

I think oyu got it very wrong again.
Maybe she is not groing through anything but still has a, you know, actual life. Work. Maybe she has a cold. Maybe she picked up a new hobby and focuses on that. Maybe she got tired of daily messages and just wanted to chill reading a book. Maybe she did self reflection and wants to do more stuff not on the phone. She really does not have to excuse herself and explain anything. Either you are very overbearing, or she genuinely just felt like notengaging much for whatever reason and either you accept that and move on and have a more relaxed friendship, or the friendship is over. Would you rather she wrote she cant stand you? Because it seems you expected an answer along these lines and now youre agonising she is lying, but if I was gettimg passive aggressive messages from a friend Id be second guessing if the whole thing was worth it.
Unless you sign a contract obliging her to text 5 times a day, it's perfectly natural people text more when they have somehting to say and less when there is nothing to say.

I agree. I almost never do this but I did an AS on the OP after a few posters mentioned about previous threads and I can see a lot of angst. Various friends plus an ex ignoring you, lots of work related issues etc.
Im sorry OP, I do not know you and it is not my wish to see anyone suffer but your writing style and the contents of what you post about does remind me of a dear friend of mine that I can find really hard work at times. She has lots of redeemable qualities, which is why I would never go quiet on her long term but I do pretend quite often that I haven’t seen the almost nightly texts I get about whatever she is spiralling about that day. I keep trying to tell her she needs to stop caring about stuff so much but she is so sensitive that she often will sulk with me if I do that. I also don’t enjoy pandering to it so what can you do.

OP could it be worth exploring whether there is a pattern with relationships and the silent treatment here. It might or might not be your fault, or partly or whatever but I think you need someone impartial to talk about it in more detail to figure this out.

You aren't listening to people though.

You messaged her a month ago and she took a while to respond. She told you why. Then you didn't believe her, and messaged again.

My birth mom is similar. She would behave in a way that was too intense and when people reacted to that she would shame spiral and say she hated herself.

If she was berating herself it made the rest of us feel we couldn't hold her accountable because she was already punishing herself. It was a way to avoid responsibility.

I see in your responses you are very defensive. She told you she was taking a break from her phone and you ignored her boundary.

So if you are totally confident she doesn’t have anything else going on in her life that could possibly reasonably excuse her not texting as much as you’d like, and she’s either angry with you for something she won’t tell you, or is just shutting you out for absolutely no reason at all:

a) do you want her as a friend?
b) do you think maybe this friendship meant more to you than it did to her?

I get that you’re lonely in a new city, but that is not this person’s responsibility. And the more you pressure her with pass agg demanding messages the more you will drive her away.

If you need a more intense level of friendship, and this person is no longer able to provide that, you can’t force it out of her.

Sorry, I agree with this.

Wait. Is this the same friend you posted about yesterday saying she texted you at the weekend?

I'd back off completely and maybe after time she may want to speak again. Truthfully after that message I'd probably feel justified in not wanting contact.