For still being shy and socially awkward as a middle aged woman?

I’m the same and I know it’s hard when you feel like you should have grown out of this behaviour, in a way? I’m not always successful, but I try and turn my thoughts around, and go into an event thinking “it’s ok if you’re quiet, just try and contribute a little bit to the conversation. Ask questions of others if you can or there’s a gap in conversation but don’t worry if you can’t”. And try and stop the negative talk to yourself - if you only said one thing, congratulate yourself for saying it rather than beating yourself up for being quiet.

I would also recommend 'Quiet' by Susan Cain.

I do the opposite - especially since getting older.

I simply don't give a shit. Quite often I will remain silent in a group scenario - other times I will chip in unnecessary nonsense.

Also happy with my own company.

I'm not as popular as some others, who have the 'knack' - but, we're all different, and we can't all be popular! So I have a few close friends who I do appreciate and that's enough for me.

Don't overthink it.

Social anxiety is likely more common than you think - many people suffer from it in particular circumstances. My advice would be to observe the dynamic of the group and choose your part in it depending on how well you know the people and how you're feeling on that occasion. For example, when I'm feeling like I have little to contribute in a particular group or I'm feeling a little anxious, I ask questions of others - there's always one person in a larger group who loves talking! In my experience, I have found that quieter people may not say much, but often what they do say has real depth. Finally, do you really think you're the only person who, having left a social event, doesn't think all the thoughts you do? You are not alone in worrying about what others think about you - most of us do.

I would second @DracunculusVulgaris book recommendation. My husband isn’t shy or lacking in confidence but he is an introvert and he loved the book.

I can’t do it either. I can never work out how to contribute in group conversations and I can’t circulate either. I don’t know what the trick is.

Dear @Rosetintedwineglass, I completely understand what you’re talking about, and I am someone who suspects they are autistic (and other people have told me they think this about me too). It can be difficult but it can also be fun and exciting to be in these social events with people similar to yourself who you know won’t judge you. At least that is my experience. I’m still awkward but so is everyone else and it turns out they don’t mind!

Hi OP - your post resonates with me so much! I could have written it, word for word - the only differences being that I am male, and autistic, (and please don't think, for one minute, that I am suggesting that you are).

Like you, I am better at one to one encounters, rather than group situations and prefer to spend quiet time, in quiet places, doing quiet things with quiet people and, in my case, in wide open spaces, preferably surrounded by green and living things. I actively avoid crowded, noisy places, full of talkative people and tend to disassociate and clam up when in such environments! Yes, I sometimes feel socially awkward as a result, but accept that this is who I am - one of life's quiet and reserved personalities. It doesn't matter, really it doesn't - I would rather be like this than be a boisterous, extrovert 'talker' and humanity is made up of a gallimaufry of personality types, all of whom have value and a valid place in social interactions. I accept and embrace my introversion, know that I am not alone and have no desire or need to change it.

I am aware that, from your last two sentences, you possibly feel that you are 'out on a limb' and would like to be different, and I cannot offer any advice if so, but you are your own person and those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!

A book, which I found really useful is: 'Quiet, The Power Of Introverts In A World Which Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain.

Best wishes to you

Can you avoid them if they make you uncomfortable?

I stop it by not going to work social events, although I appreciate that might be difficult if they're within your working hours. Ours are always outwith working hours and I avoid them like the plague.