To have put it on fb?

This, I absolutely hope this relative has no photos of you or any of your family members in her possession... who knows who she's shown them to!!

It's not minor though is it. It's a violation of privacy. If someone isn't on social media there's usually a reason. The main one being they don't want their personal information slapped all over the internet.
I'm glad social media wasn't a thing when I was a child. If my parents chronicled my childhood all over social media I'd be really cross. I'm on social media. I do not allow anyone to post my DC on there. If they want to when they are older fair enough, but he's too young to understand now.

You sound really thoughtful Op, you’ve put a lot of effort into a lovely birthday, don’t let your relatives concern about face book spoil your memories of a nice day out .

You: "mumsnet will come on and give you a hard time"
Also you: "Ok get down off your high horse before you get a nose bleed"
Yup

So you get to decide how hurt OPs elderly relative should feel about this? You consider this minor so everyone else in the whole world must consider this minor and no one who doesn't use social media has the right to be angry when someone posts their photo on social media? OP did a lovely thing yes, but then she did something that obviously hurt her relative a lot. It's well known some people find social media intrusive and think having their photo online is a breach of privacy. What happened was a direct result of OP not considering her relatives feelings about this. The fact she meant well and it wasn't purposeful doesn't make it less hurtfull to her elderly relative. She should have asked.

Many of us have reached a point where we absolutely do not want to be posted about on FB

Don't worry.
Did the family member tell you herself?
I think the jealous neighbour is feeding her words.

Sorry but I think your relative is bang out of order and very ungrateful. If she wanted the photo taken down then that’s fair enough, she could have just asked without having a pop at you and making you feel like shit when you had gone to such effort for her. She’s lucky you bothered - and if I were you, I would be wishing I hadn’t.

You did a lovely thing for her, but that's seperate to what you've done here. She's within her rights to be angry about this. It's one thing to post a happy birthday on someone's timeline and completely different to post about someone else on your FB who doesn't use FB at all. The former us about them, the later isn't. If you're feeling bitter towards her because of her reaction that is really unfair to her, she hasn't done anything wrong being angry about this.

Even if it's a platform you use, it doesn't mean you use it in that way.

You shouldn't be posting pictures of people online unless you've checked with them that it's fine to post pictures of them online. I find it hugely violating.

I wouldn't worry OP, and you're not plastering her all over social media so ignore those posts! It was a picture, it didn't go down well, it's gone now. No big deal. You sound very kind and she should be grateful for all you did. It was a misstep here, but loads of people would be delighted to have their relative gushing about their birthday online, so I understand it was with good intentions. Now you know! Leave it at that. Hope you enjoyed the celebrations as well.

Tedious, boring, attention seeking - actually it's all so utterly uncool to over share.

It’s not the end of the world and she won’t remember it: she will remember the fact you spoiled her.

Its partly generational I think: some elderly people find social media baffling and intrusive. Increasingly the etiquette of social media is a minefield today: some people document every cough and spit, others are protective to the point of preciousness. But nowadays I always ask, it’s not worth the grief not to.

Was her age mentioned? Maybe that rankled her

I would be bloody annoyed to be spoken to like that about something so minor when you've been so nice. In the grand scheme of things who cares if a picture of her is on Facebook. People can see her any time she walks down the street. It's ok not to want pictures on there and ok to ask you to remove it but to have a go and be angry at an innocent mistake when you've been so lovely is just shitty.

I think pretty much everybody is happier after deleting Facebook.

Agree with this. Think the relative and the neighbour could've been more appreciative of your amazing efforts and been more tactful about it. Given she's old though I wouldn't worry too much - she'll be onto something else soon and just don't post anything else without checking. You still did a lovely thing for her and gave her and your family/friends some lovely memories so that's the main thing

I completely understand why you posted it OP, so many people do it and you just thought it would be nice. I think some people don’t quite understand facebook and don’t understand that you can have it set so that not the entire world can see everything- especially when so many people talk about someone putting something “all over Facebook” - that makes it sound very dramatic as if anyone one and everyone sees and shares it, whereas it’s often just someone has made a post on their own page which is visible to only friends! I think if you don’t have Facebook yourself, it probably sounds a bit scary. Try not to give it any more thought though, you weren’t to know how she’d react and just thought you were doing a nice thing.

My mother does this, puts random photos of people whose special days it is all over her FB feed with some terrible messages like "my gorgeous grandchild is 30 today, so lovely and all grown up" it's complete crap and drives everyone insane. Never asks for permission and can't seem to understand that people don't want their business plastered all over her social media.

Don't feel bad or worry about this further. Just remove the post.
Some people are extremely anti social media. You'll get a bunch of people here (ironically a social media site itself) telling you you shouldn't be on Facebook at all and you've stolen everyone's soul and handed it to paedophiles, every time you post someone's image...
In reality it's just best to ask people before posting pictures of them.
If you still want to post about an event but don't know how the person feels about it, just take a selfie and say 'had a great time at a relatives/friends birthday today' no need to name anyone or post anyone else's photo. Then you have your social media memory of the event but don't risk offending anyone.

Ok get down off your high horse before you get a nose bleed. As I said in my first post, I always ask permission but cut the OP some slack. Hardly the crime of the century.

It sounds as though your intentions were well meant so hopefully this will easily blow over.

But do remember that some people loathe FB with a passion. I’m one of them. I have never ever posted anything, have no profile pic and only joined as sometimes you have to in order to be able to access the FB pages of a local business, shop etc who only message via their fb site.

I don’t want my clients (I run my own business) to see personal photos and messages that reflect my personal life. I know many others who never post anything either.

I'm with @Jessie1259 tbh - you put in a lot of effort and all you did 'wrong' was to post a nice photo wishing her a happy birthday. The words your relative should be looking for are 'thank you'. I'd be cross in return tbh and less inclined to put myself out in future.

It's not comparable to posting pics of children in school uniforms in identifiable locations or posting unflattering photos. It was just one, nice post. Dont feel bad OP.

I'm sure your relative will forget about the photo soon and just remember the lovely day. It's an easy mistake to make, when half the population advertises every single detail of their lives including what they had for lunch!