To have put it on fb?

@Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead You've asked on the wrong board, people on here will be contrary for the sake of it.

Anyway, I know just what you mean OP. My mum is like this. Doesn't understand Facebook and despite me explaining privacy tools, she's still convinced that anything posted on Facebook is seen by EVERYONE! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I once posted an anonymous question on a diy group about my mum's aqua panels in her bathroom. Just a simple question that my mum had been struggling with.
I told her I'd posted & some of the helpful answers and she absolutely exploded like I've never seen before. It took days before I could get a word in, to explain that it was an anonymous question without our names and there were no photos!

I'm not really on Facebook anymore (still have an account but don't really use it).

I don't think you should have posted without permission but it's sorted now so don't worry too much about it.

If your relative was very rude and ungrateful I would seriously consider whether I wanted to ever go to a lot of effort for her again- yes she can decide this isn't a minor issue for her, but you can also decide whether you do nice things for her.

Couldn't agree more.

As PPs have already pointed out, it's publicising the date and year of my birth that would annoy me from a security (not vanity) viewpoint.

I would be very angry if anyone posted a photo of me on Facebook or any other social media platform for any reason. I have never posted an image of me or a family member anywhere on line and never will. It was a huge invasion of your relative's privacy. The incident may have left a bitter taste in your mouth, but I'm sure it has done the same for your relative.

If she’s not on FB, why would you put it on there? She’s not going to see it.
I do find these ‘performance posts’ very strange.

I understand the impulse to post but Facebook isn't safe. Can you set up a WhatsApp family group or something like that and share photos there instead? Sounds like it was a wonderful birthday celebration!

I agree with this - and I am not on Facebook and never allowed any pics of my DC on there.

Your relative should have said that she’d rather not have the photo on Facebook - but thanked you for a lovely day. She seriously forgot her manners.

This was obviously very hurtful to OPs relative. You are judging from the place of your values and your feelings and what you've decided is right. You have no idea what OPs relative feels, what her life has been like, why she is so upset. OP didn't need to post it on FB at all, she wasn't doing that for her relatives benefit, she was doing that for herself. She wasn't thinking about what was best for her relative. Her relatives reaction says that she is really upset and hurt by this. OPs actions were thoughtless, but that's ok because you and other PPs have decided this is a minor issue so all good.

While it's still quite common for people to post birthday photos of people not on Facebook (I'm sure I've seen at least two this week, one if them being an 80th celebration actually!) I do think people have become a lot more wary in recent years. That's absolutely the kind of thing I would've done a few years ago, not really now. I always ask people if I can tag them/post photos, although I rarely post at all these days, beginning to think Facebook has had its day! A friend of mine still posts absolutely everything on Facebook including his mother with alzheimers who is not capable of objecting! He's the main reason I set my profile so I can review tags and chose whether to add to my profile as he's posted some awful ones of me in the past! While I don't really think you did anything wrong and a lot if people wouldn't care, hopefully you will ask in future.

Of course the fact that she meant well should make it less hurtful! Hurt should only come from meanness of intention or carelessness for feelings. The OP clearly cares and considers her relatives feelings as she tried so hard to make her birthday a happy one.

As for it being minor, it's certainly not for people with adopted kids or etc, but just like it's possible to grade things like crimes in levels of seriousness it's also possible to grade the seriousness of possible damage from breaches of privacy. I'm not saying the grandma didn't have the right to ask for it to be taken down. I'm saying her unkind reaction was not justified from the level of seriousness of what OP did, in a sensible and realistic appraisal.

The problem with 'happy birthday' posts is that they reveal the person's date of birth, which is information that can be exploited by fraudsters.

I'm not on SM (other than MN before someone pops up with but Mumsnet is social media). I've occasionally featured in a group picture someone else has posted and I don't have an issue with that at all, but I wouldn't want photos/info specifically about me to be posted - not that it's likely to happen.

I agree. Had you posted the photo and tweaked the setting so only those who went could see it, that would have been better.

So respond in the same way to all the posters that 'lectured' the OP
Or be gracious enough to accept that this is aibu; the op asked if she was being u, and responses will opinions as to whether or not they are

Did she tell you why it upset her?

Maybe bc she is sensitive about her age?

Its one thing telling random strangers when it’s obviously a big family event, another to tell acquaintances and neighbours.

Some ppl are funny about that

There's a nice way to say that you'd prefer the post to be removed and a not so nice way. Sounds like the relative took the latter approach. It's not a violation of privacy since her face and birthday aren't secrets, hidden from public view! Given the OP had spent a lot of time doing nice things for this relative, she might have been a bit more appreciative and less critical!

🤣🤣 and I still think it was warranted! People don’t need a lecture when it was a simple mistake.

I don't do FB, but I would have thought that, as a general rule, you shouldn't post anything about anybody else, especially not a picture.

Not everyone wants their stuff on FB.

Sorry op you never post anything on Facebook without asking the person if you can. Yabu. Hope you removed it. No harm done but lesson learnt. Did your relative have a good birthday

People can get hacked. If you tag family, they might have different settings e.g. friends of friends or have friends you don't know who can still see the photos. Just because you have just your family on there, doesn't mean other family members just have family.

This is what I don't get. My family are like this, don't want "to be shared on social media" but my Facebook is just family and friends! It's not public. I think some people don't understand the difference between the platforms and stupidly think they are being posted on a huge public noticeboard AND that somehow the whole world will see them. It's ridiculous.
It's like saying "don't ever show anyone a pic of me" which is not an attitude anyone used to have when we would show people our photographs.
I find it very odd.

Social media is so vilified in the media (and rightly so), that people who don't use it might think all kinds of things happening with the picture. Chances are nobody saw it but friends -why would they?. You've taken it down, so no harm done.

You've been forgiven, so don't give yourself a hard time.

People are weird. Yes, children are a hard no but a family photo shared with, presumably, close friends. Come on. If this was something the relative was concerned about they should have said when photos were being taken. You know she doesn't like it now so note it but don't fret anymore, it sounds like you did a lot more than most to give your family member a lovely birthday.