Anyone else got self absorbed parents who don’t give a shit about their adult children?

My MIL was 💯 the same. Knew everything about the neighbours DD and SIL, their jobs, health issues, pets and their child and told us everything. I had met those people once, never the grandchild. Never asked us anything or shower much interest in our lives.

I just don’t understand it.

Jeeze that's sad. I hope you have other people who can cherish you in your life.

My FIL after my MIL died showed no interest in his children or grandchildren. If we ever invited him round for the evening or for a meal he would usually end up asking to change the day at short notice because he got a better offer from one of his many friends.
He was OK to my DC, but never showed any interest in what they were interested in. However he seemed to positively dislike my SIL's kids, couldn't talk to them without being snippy or shouting.

When he remarried, he was devoted to his stepchildren and their kids.
It was almost like he regretted his life before his wife died.

My in laws talk about all the neighbours kids. Think they know more about them than us. What car the neighbours have, their new jobs, very bizarre. No interest in their own son or grandchildren

Yes, mine are like that. Totally self absorbed and it's all about them. It's exhausting and why I am fairly low contact.

My ex husband's parents were exactly like this
I wasn't sad when they stopped contacting me immediately after he left

DM couldn't pick me out of a line-up

I thought for sure you would be my SIL until I read it's your husband's parents. Same for me too and it's actually a relief to not be alone! Their self-obsession and smugness has driven away their five children, their own brothers and even their parents - but of course they can't see that they are the common denominator. It's always the other person at fault as far as they're concerned.

Fortunately their behaviour means that even my very patient husband wants no more to do with his parents, so I can happily go almost zero contact without feeling any guilt, because it was his decision, not mine. Otherwise I'd have done it years ago.

They're going to be very, very lonely before too long.

My mum doesn't even know what I do as a job. She didn't speak to me through my entire pregnancy and only rang when the baby was 4 months old.
My DH mum is similar. There's some txt exchange occasionally however she's just not really that interested.

Yes, if my Mum remembers to ask me how I am, she'll talk over me about herself before I can finish my answer, so I always just say 'fine thanks' now and save my breath. I can't pay her a compliment or admire anything in her house as she assumes I want it for myself (even though I've never asked her for anything)?! She's very defensive about everything and looks down on other people a lot. It took me a good few years after leaving home to realise it's not a healthy or 'normal' way to be.

Is she just filling the silence as you never talk about your job?
Maybe she is talking about Susan as it’s important to her - have you asked her?

Why don't you tell him that he's coming across a bit too obsessed. It's a weird thing to talk about really.

Is it possible the parents think the same about you too OP? Do you ask them about themselves or do you just talk about you and your kids?
Why not take an interest in what they are telling you?

They probably don’t realise they do it. I think a lot of parents see their adult kids doing OK and think it’s job done.

Yip same with my OHs parents. Barely interested in their own grandkids down the road - see them birthday/Christmas - but drone on about more distant relatives, mad shit they've read online and holidays too. They talk at us, but not to us.

I'm glad they aren't bothered about us if I am being honest and OH feels the same.

I really find it hard to relate to a lot of older relatives because of their views being quite narrow and with us being quite progressively minded, but I do manage to have a good relationship with my parents despite this.

My DH's parents are like this but I think it's probably a consequence of my DH spending the last 20 years answering any questions about his life with a monosyllabic answer.

My MIL was also more interested in talking about her neighbours granddaughter than asking about her own grandchildren. I just don’t get it

Yes my mother. It’s a exhausting. Pretty sure she doesn’t even know what role I am workinf in atm but I need to listen to every detail of her job and that Susan (co-worker I never met) has covid again etc

Yep both sides 😩 my mil would probably have been great but she remarried and he doesn’t really want kids in the house unless they are his own children’s of course and she just goes along with it! My own mother is too busy with yoga and bridge and lunching to bother with us 😂

Yes mine are like this too. We seem them infrequently and hear nothing in between. I'm sick of initiating and hosting so we're down to birthdays Mother's day etc where they want a lot of fuss made of them. They like to see me on my birthday and the dc birthdays but make no effort and often forget to bring me a card. I don't understand them tbh. I guess they are just very self-centered.

I am a child of "the boomer generation" and I can tell you that I am totally interested in my adult children's lives. I talk to them regularly and love listening to them tell me what's going on. I also feel exactly the same about my DIL and grandchildren.

Yes, mine are like this, as are most if my other relatives in the boomer generation.

Yup. DM wasn't interested in me when I was a child and isn't interested in me (or my kids) now I'm an adult. But it's mutual.