to think my husband is blaming me for his erectile dysfunction?

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT

Is he having an affair and getting it elsewhere?

Whatever the reason, I wouldn’t be having sex ever again with a man who made derogatory comments about my body and insulted me.

Have a really good reflect on why he feels he needs to point out that your stomach rolls are visible and you’ve gained weight. Why choose to say that rather than say nothing? What do you supposedly gain from it? And now think about what he gains from saying it? If it were me, I’d be saying, “it’s really clear that you are ensuring that I know that you dislike parts of my body, and you’re doing it in a way that’s as insensitive as possible so that I feel shit. Rather than making me want to lose weight to please you, all it actually does it make me think I can do better than a man who is trying to destroy my confidence. So, do you want to leave but just haven’t got the balls?”

Seriously - I would absolutely be saying this to a cheater who then told me I was fat. Fucking joke of a man.

I wouldn't let my husband come anywhere near me if he made such nasty and personal comments to me! Don't care if he's trying to deflect or not, it’s just not how you talk to someone you're meant to love.

I'd tell him that his erectile dysfunction is no longer a problem in our relationship, because I won't be having sex with him anyway!

He’s an abject arsehole.

I would not be with him any more.

If he spoke to me like that I would be vicious in my verbal retaliation about his problem.

These vicious remarks are from your actual husband? He should take shame. You have put your living situation and your sense of well-being in this waste of skin. I am so sorry for what you're 'having' to put up with. 'Having' for now, that is. Start quietly planning your escape. He will never suddenly become a decent man. Give it time, and you will emerge from the shit storm that is this marriage. Best of luck.

It's very frightening to men to have ED and some will find it very difficult to talk to a GP about (assuming he can get an appointment). If he doesn't have morning erections that would suggest Primary dysfunction which needs medical treatment. If he does get morning erections then his ED is Secondary and needs psychological intervention in my opinion.

He is a deeply nasty individual.

OP, he's deflecting but it's also verbal abuse, done with the sole purpose of making you feel insecure, which is controlling behaviour.
And that's not acceptable.

The laughing it off is because he hasn’t even got the bollocks to say it properly. He wants it to appear as a joke so he can gaslight you and say you’re too serious.

The guy is a grade A xxxx I’m afraid. Leave.

His attitude would clamp me shut to him for good.

Ltb right now. Wow.

At first I just assumed porn (as is the case with most of these ED men who feel no way of destroying their wife’s self esteem with porn addiction)

Then you mentioned abuse. He is abusing you. He is ashamed of his own failures (for whatever reason) and he’s putting it on to you. Horrible man.

I'd also query porn addiction op. Stbxh was similar in every regard and it later transpired he had an insane porn addiction and was secretly messaging other women. I didn't have a clue and he deflected a lot onto me.

I think you need to call this out directly. Tell him in no uncertain terms that his comments on your body or hygiene are hurtful and disrespectful and if he ever has hope of being intimate with you again , not only will those comments stop immediately but he will actively work to undo the damage he's done to your self esteem. Part of that will be taking accountability for himself and making an appointment for the gp to get an mot done and having an open and honest conversation with you about your intimacy.

Other factors like stress can cause problems but then he needs to deal with those directly and be a responsible adult.

And also op, there's never a good enough context for cheating. It sounds like this man is incredibly lucky to have such a tolerant and dedicated wife, he should be stepping up every day.

Also I've seen other posts on here and the next stage seems to be escorts 'just to see if it was a problem with you'

Oh lovely you have married a loser. He doesn't love or respect you.
You need to slowly work out how to get rid of him. He will eventually sack you off and will blame you for it.
You are worth so much more than someone that treats you like this

I'd bet he's beating it to porn when you're not around. Too much deathgrip.

That or he's cheating again. WFH or not, cheaters find a way to cheat.

Binnable.

😂

Put that one in the bin.

He sounds utterly vile.
God help you.

Omg this made me LOL.
Yes this man sounds nasty, mean and deflecting onto you OP.
Time to make your mind up as you have decades of this if you stay.
He doesn't deserve you.

Oops, don't know where that 🤍came from, haha!!

Personally I'd take the bull by the horns and tell him if he is that repulsed by the way I smell and look that he can't stay hard for more than a couple of minutes, that we probably need to split up. I couldn't be doing with these pathetic games he is playing. I get he might be worried and upset and embarrassed by it but to try and put it on someone else, who you're supposed to love, and destroy their self esteem in the process because you are a but shy to go to the doctors is absolutely pathetic.

😂😂😂😂😂