Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

This. OP, people who use normal private schools are "real people". Actually, so are the ones at the top schools, but assuming you're not looking at Eton, why don't you widen your scope a bit. Especially out of the SE, where housing costs are lower, a household with two graduate type salaries can afford Private without being minted. If you want to salve your conscience, do what lots of other virtue signallers do and use your wealth to buy into the tiny catchment of a really good state school, many do exist, and then you can claim to be non elitist and mixing with "real people" who can all afford 500k houses 🙄

I visit mutiple primary schools in deprived inner city areas every week as part of my job and I recognise no part of your description. It sounds very hyperbolic to me. Yes there will be the odd supply teacher. However most of the schools I see are still run by wonderful dedicated and organised teaching teams. Schools need investment but are in nothing like the state you describe. By all means send your child to private school but you sounds massively deluded about what state schools are actually like.

I teach in a challenging area. If you were to walk around our school on any given day, you’d find polite, calm children who hold doors open and greet you with smiles; you’d find brilliant teachers (and yes the odd supply - we get sick occasionally and sometimes a bug will wipe out half the staff!) and orderly classrooms. You’d find lots of children with SEND needs but a brilliant SENDCO and a learning mentor who is usually available for support. You’d see bright displays and lots of sport taking place - both in and out of school hours.

My children go to school in an affluent area and you’d find similar: polite, calm children in ordered classrooms, lots of PE and music classes (my Year 4 son is playing the violin weekly - free of charge!). You’d see a menu of locally-sourced meals with lots of vegetarian options.

Two schools, miles apart in very different areas. I’ve taught in many more. None of them sound like the schools you’ve described. I’d save your school fees money towards a house deposit and seriously consider moving areas!!

Sorry but it’s so true. I’ve seen it so many times where champagne socialists claim to be ideologically opposed to private school but what they actually want is a state school in a wealthy area full of naice families like them.

What matters more to you? Your child's future or your political beliefs?

Maybe your child would be mixing with people like you given you can afford it. I imagine quite a few private school parents aren’t extremely wealthy.

There’s massive differences in fees. Private primary my dc went to is £8500 a year (not a term) longer school day, very working parent friendly (no half days before hols/no staggered start in reception) Once you factored in not paying wrap around/longer school hols so you could go away in state term time saving £/11 plus prep included in price it was good value. Much more ethnically diverse than state, most children had 2 working parents - teachers/drs/nurse/lawyer or self employed trades. Got her off to a great start, no regrets at all.

I see you are rural. When said child is older Young Farmers is a fabulous organisation that can be enormously useful for spreading social wings.

I felt the same way when my daughter, now in her thirties, started school. My Dad offered to pay the school fees for her to go to my old private school and I declined the offer as I wanted her to experience a broader mix of people and real life as I had been incredibly sheltered in my youth. And back then, my private school had been grant aided and contained a broader section of society than they do now. And in the state school she did have a large and loud class, but she did well enough although I did feel the state school lacked ambition for their pupils as they were advising grades much lower than she achieved. She would doubtless have obtained higher grades at my old school, but she got into Uni with help from a program for state school pupils and gained a first and then a PhD, so one could hardly say it ruined her outcomes!

Your child has one life. And the school you like the best is a private one. Assuming you can afford it, why are you tying yourself in knots about this decision? The leftie police wing don’t come to your house and paint “splitter” on your front door.

Reality is no one else cares. Why do you?

Be honest though OP, despite your claims about the top sector in society, you wouldn’t ACTUALLY want your DD to be best mates with Destiny from the local council estate. No middle class parents do.

There are also varied private schools, some more socially elite than others. They really aren’t all hoooray Henry types.

I also don’t really agree with private schools. They shouldn’t exist. Every school schools be as good as a private schools. But until they are mine go private. The very fact you are looking around and putting so much effort into your child’s education has already bought them a massive leg up unavailable to many and I doubt you’ve worried about that. Do something to help as well - volunteer to be a governor maybe at a state school that might value your skills.

Surprised by the Ofsted ratings given your description! Maybe they’ve gone down hill since inspection. I’ve seen very high standards of behaviour at two of the three state primaries we visited (one ‘good’ one ‘outstanding’) and the other was a basically good school with a less demanding approach. Maybe your rural area has difficulties with recruitment?

There are different kinds of private schools. I know of a few that are academically very selective but not that expensive and mostly seem to be filled with the children of people in good but fairly normal jobs who choose to prioritise education over other luxuries. Doctors and the like. The atmosphere seems focused but not snobby. There are others that seem much more about being posh, coming from a “good” family and avoiding ordinary people. Much more about the culture than academics. That’s my impression, anyway. I’d love to send my child to the first kind, definitely not the second kind.

It is so very sad that the state system has been ground down like this. There is no reason at all that state schools shouldn’t be able to perform as well as private except for lack of funding and political will.

If you have identified a school you think your child would thrive in, and you can afford to send them, it honestly makes no sense to reject that option because of a belief you have about the way things should be. It would be more helpful for you to send your kid private while directly supporting the local state somehow or becoming politically active. You’ll be called a hypocrite but you’ll potentially do some actual good.

Send him to private

It's a race to the top, not the bottom

Can you send them to the private and gain some balance of a social circle by getting your dc involved in the community- scouts, local clubs etc. you say you are rural but surely these things will still exist

I think some of the best primary schools are in the last place you would look. My kids go to a very small school in a very deprived area, class sizes of no more than 20, my youngest is in reception and there's 18 in her class with a teacher and 2 full time TA's. It's officially classed as "requires improvement" (satisfactory) by Ofsted but it is a wonderful school, teachers have been there for years and are very experienced. They know all the children extremely well and treat them like family. I'm lucky that people turn their nose up because of the area so send their kids to the more affluent schools.

This was me years ago now
I put my children’s education first and then balanced it out by ensuring they mixed locally with rainbows/brownies/guides/cubs/ scoutsSunday school/village activities/local town activities etc etc
They grew up with a cross section of friends

Ok so not paying usual fees on 30k then.

I always thought if my DC were to go to a private school it’d be secondary only as it’s a waste of money and mot necessary for a primary aged child. My DC go to OFSTED outstanding primary which is considered to be a great school. I have not been impressed at all. The leadership, the behaviours, countless other aspects. If I could have my time over though, I’d have sent them to private primary.
FWIW I only ever went to state schools.

One of the excellent state secondaries in my area all 3 bedroom houses in the catchment area are £1M minimum. So you are a lot more likely to have rich parents in that school than in the private school.
we are sending to private secondary instead of moving.

I wonder that too.

OP you need to look here

https://reports.ofsted.gov.uk

Check it doesn’t say closed

My ds has a 50% scholarship. I'm a single mum with a mortgage and pay about £3k a term. Still a lot for me but I'm not the only one.

Some of his class mates are army kids with parents on deployment. The forces pay their fees