Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

I don't know if things have changed in that time but 6 years ago we looked at secondaries for oldest DC, with privately-educated DH. We also looked at one private school to humour him, although as I suspected, we could neither remotely afford it nor qualify for a bursary. And to my (pleasant) surprise, DH declared that while the facilities were lovely, the private school, which is a very well known one, didn't seem otherwise better than the state schools, and I agreed.

But we are in London, where I think there are a lot of good state schools these days, which wasn't always the case.

For friends in smaller towns I have noticed often it is a choice between one really good state secondary and one really bad one that everyone wants to avoid.

Assuming you can afford to go private, then the money issue can be put aside and you can make a choice based on how well you think each school, state or private, would suit your child. That is all that matters.

A child is not there to support/demonstrate a parent's political stance. You must do what is best for your child in your area - schools, both private and state vary enormously from place to place, so the decision will be different depending on where you live.

Ffs. Why do you think you’ll be at PS not having foreign holidays, but no one else in the school will be on the same boat.

stop being so judgmental.

My son is in his early 20s now but we had a similar experience when we viewed our local primary schools all those years ago.

It's ok to change your mind when you've learned something new

I think it’s very area dependent. I’m in London and have some great state schools locally. Privates are generally better for sport but not 25k a yr better imo.

People often have ideological standpoints that change when real life interacts with them.

“I would never…” often comes to mean “I haven’t had to yet.”

Good lefty friends of ours always swore their local state schools were brilliant and more than enough for their kids. Then it came time for secondary and the realisation that no, actually now they were pulling in over 300k pa and had a naice holiday home they quite preferred the independent schools.

This.

Definitely go private if you can afford it.

Don't jeopardise your DC's education. People are allowed to change their minds and often do.

Wonder if some of these people have ever been into an inner city primary? I do, every day. Most are peaceful, organised, happy places, doing amazing work with kids and parents and staffed by the best of the best! Go private for smaller class sizes, but not for better teachers.

This. I smell astroturfing.

I certainly don't recognise your description. My DD attends a state primary which is lovely. I find it very hard to believe that every school you visited was that dreadful.

Private if you can afford it but compromise and take your little DS to swimming lessons at the local leisure centre for some interactions with „real people“.

I‘m sure you’ll find a way not to just hobnob with a tiny elite, just keep other mummy friends that you make outside that school and arrange play dates and days out with them. It doesn’t have to be 100% of either.

Finally. Thank you!

I can’t afford to live in the catchment area in our town in SE but can pay for private secondary. Madness

My DC go to a 'dodgy' state school (the area). There are some issues with staffing and behaviour but overall it's a very good school. I've been so impressed by how the staff pour themselves into the kids because many don't come from supportive households, or households which can afford extra tutoring. They teach zoom classes on Sundays and extra lessons nearly every day for those who want to attend. They really push the kids to be their best, to achieve. I've been amazed. My DC are both set to get really excellent grades. Sure, private school may have got them a couple of grades higher - but actually my niece went to a good private school and hasn't done that well and now in state for sixth form. Also universities will look at the kind of school you went to. Some dodge 'academy' but you still managed 7-9 at GCSE and As/Bs at A level looks better than a posh private school with similar bit slightly higher grades.

I really think it depends on the area. We have a year 1 and year 3 in a primary that has just been rated outstanding. The school buildings and grounds are well cared for, warm and inviting, there is a very active friends committee, who raise substantial sums for extras like the newly decorated curiculum tower, library and a wooden play trail. The school has a lovely calm vibe and there is no chaos! the kids move around the building in a calm way (as I have been in to help with PTA type activities in the day and can attest to this! ) the teachers tend to stay a long time.
There are lots of varied after school clubs, and enrichment activities. and plenty of school trips organised. Having looked around some not so great private schools I know that private is not always best.we are happy with this school.
Their brother goes to a similarly outstanding secondary school but that was more of s search and involved an appeal! Nonetheless it is possible to find outstanding state schools you just have to look in the right places.

The children and families at private schools are real people too.

I think it would be ridiculous to choose to send your child to a worse school because of your own moral compass and feeling embarrassed about sending them to private school. I would also say it's obvious private is going to be way better than state or no one would pay for it so not sure why you're shocked it's better?

Realistically if you can afford private school, so can other people like you, would you not class yourselves as real people living real lives? Your children will be mixing with people like you on your level not just the poshos. I also don't see the benefit of them mixing with poorer children when lower socioeconomic status is correlated to poorer outcomes in most areas including obtaining a poorer education?

If you have the buying power to buy your children a better education I think it would be deplorable to deny them that personally.

@Greengreenga The UK education system is very simple - you pay for it either through inflated prices in your mortgage or directly in private school fees.

Are you being genuine with this thread in suggesting that you are only looking at schools a few months before applying? Most families consider that when they give birth (or earlier) and start thinking about where to buy a house.

We will be looking at private secondary schools. We maybe could stretch to sending our DC for primary as well but it would mean significant sacrifices. We are not in the top 5pc of earners, I'm sure your DC will meet a range of people.

Going to private means being forced with one section of society

Well, it’s clearly your section of society, being as you can afford to send her there. 🙄

Agree with this. OP, you're reverse discriminating

Erm 🙄 no they don’t. Maybe you should read your own words back again. You don’t want her mixing with privileged children (despite being one herself), but you do want her to be able to be friends with whomever she clicks with (regardless of background). So then what if she wants to be friends with a rich kid? You won’t let her?
And where do you get the idea there’s only one type of person at private school? Or state school for that matter.

"Not representative of real life" - yeah, well, rape and murder and genocide are real life but you don't get het up about no exposure to that.

It's a child. 0-18 is not the total sum of their life's learning. They can meet others at activities, clubs, university, neighbours, cousins, whatever.

Just because you go to private school doesn't mean you are blinkered for life. I only went to a very prestigious private school. Never set foot in a state school. I married a council estate guy. The world still turns.

I'd want the best education for my child, no matter whether it is state or private. There are lots of lovely state school, we found on and there's another one village over.
Keep looking and if nothing is good enough go private. I wouldn't sacrifice my child's education because I think they won't meet enough people. There's time for meeting a variety of people throughout your life.

Satisfactory was replaced with requires improvement some years ago.

Post Covid a lot of schools had gone a long time without inspections although I believe ofsted are mostly caught up now.

If you have not been in a school for a while you may find that if for example you see a reception class where they are doing specific activities you might well find that it looks chaotic and is loud.

Reception is mostly play based learning as it is meant to be part of the early years foundation stage.

It is generally well planned and there is order in the chaos.