Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

Our children had a private education and we are definitely not wealthy although we feel very lucky to have had the option. Some other children holidayed incessantly and had all the latest everything but that wasn’t the majority. there were lots of people like us, cutting out other things to give our children the best start in life that we could. They made friends who they are still close to now because lots of other parents do this too. Your child’s education should always trump your personal feelings. It won’t buy you guaranteed top grades but it will buy you the peace of mind that they had the best chance you could give them.

Can you not move area? I visited a lot of schools before my children started school and none of them were how you describe. Only one had some noise and messing about and the one I chose I absolutely fell in love with, it was so calm and orderly and productive and has been amazing. I am more worried about secondary.

If not I would go with the private and just admit that your stance on private schools has changed.

So no shit schools in Scotland? 🙄

I felt the same as you but moved near an outstanding state school to make sure my
DD was in the catchment area. It looked good at the open day. She went there for 3 years and it was a horrendous experience for her. She has since been diagnosed autistic so that did add to it but it traumatised her to the point where she was too mentally ill to attend and they advised me not to send her in. If I could have afforded private school I would have tried to send her to one in a heartbeat in the end and know of other parents who did take their children out of there and did just that. Luckily I managed to get her into a specialist state school in Year 10 that was better for her needs and she is slowly recovering, but I feel terrible that she was so unhappy it has affected her whole life to be honest. She is bright but her mental health issues have definitely affected her chances at doing well in her GCSEs and have limited her options for further education. Her psychiatrist said it might take up to 8 years for her to recover fully. So, if you feel your child won’t thrive in those settings, then listen to your instincts. They can mix with all types of people at Uni or Sixth form college. Also you can help them maintain friendships from state primary which is what I have done too.

Yeah they really scrape it together. You have to be wealthy to send them to private.

Go private if you can afford it. No brainer really.

Personally I don’t think you should put your politics above the well being and life opportunities of your own child. You can actively find plenty of other ways for them to mix with a wide range of kids eg football club etc.

This.

I do agree with you OP that in principle, it would be better if private schools didn't exist.

However, they do. And your responsibility is to your child. You are not going to change the world one way or the other by sending them to this school or that.

Use your vote to try and get a better state education system and in the meantime, do what is best for your child.

You do know these children are real people though right? Private school kids are not aliens and a huge portion of them will be kids that parents scrape together the fees, parents who work in the school and parents who have worked hard and who are comfortable but not arriving in a helicopter?

NRTFT but I understand. I have been vehemently against grammar schools my entire life. I taught in comps for twenty years. I now work in a grammar school and desperately want my kids to go to the local grammar because the alternatives are appalling. The whole state education system, and the teacher training system, need overhauling. Don’t feel bad and do what’s best for your kid.

I live in a shit area with a high rate of immigration yet I would say out of four state schools near me only one I wouldn't send my child to. Excuse me if I am a bit cynical about your post.

I felt the same way as you OP - if I were to go through it all again I’d go private.

It completely depends where you live and your local schools.
I was like you in that I only wanted to send my kids to state but some of the schools I saw were awful. I blame the academy system and austerity. And shit parenting (teachers now are dealing with much more).
Our choice was to love to an area with brilliant state schools or go private- we decided to move

How do you know they were supply teachers?

Agreed on the "real people" and i also think this attitude is one only totally privileged people can afford à la pulp common people.

My dh and i both come from nothing special families with zero generational wealth and zero inheritance coming our way. We got secondary school scholarships and know the value of education.
we dont give one shiny shit about our children "mixing with a full strata of society". Life will do that for them.

Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact?

Yes.
And the only people who should do this are people who can buy their way out of it afterwards.
Ie you leave generational wealth to your children.

I actually got a grant to go to a private school as my parents really didn't like the local state schools. However I never really fit in with a lot of the other pupils who came from very affluent backgrounds. It was a lovely school though and I did get to do some other subjects and extra curricular which weren't available in the state schools.
It's a tough one but I'd say go for the private school If you can afford it.

Yanbu

I went to a private school and only a few of the children in the class were from extremely wealthy families. Of course, the parents have good jobs but my parents sacrificed new cars, holidays so that we could go to a private school - my mum was a teacher and my dad was a policeman. You sound very judgemental tbh.

But it’s now 2024 with high house prices, cost of living & stagnated wages plus VAT. Cutting back on holidays & sky doesn’t make private school affordable for most…

Now you know what the schools are like vs private then to answer : Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact?
Then the answer is or question why put your children's future education as risk ?

Sorry but that is nonsense, it very much is normal life, who genuinely mixes with the highest and lowest earners in society?

Yes in work you may work alongside one or other but mixes - no people don't. People choose to mix with those with similarities you don't find as the norm someone who left school at 16 mixing with someone with a PHD. Or someone living in a £4m house best friends with someone who is in poverty.

It's a strap line thwts banded around, people mix in small sectors of society regardless of sending your child to a state or private school.

You have clearly stated the state offering is below par. You appear to have a choice. I couldn't let my principles impact on education, it's too important.

You don't get to ban private it's going nowhere.

If it was me I would balance their world outside school. The only one who will suffer is your child, you have the means to ensure they have an easier childhood 🤷‍♀️

Choose the best school for your child. Don't compromise on their education just to make a point.

Get over it and send them to private school.
If it makes you feel better, they are more like to turn out a future leader who can actually change something.
Also you should respect the child's fathers wishes as well, it's not all you

I was the only child who did not go on my German exchange program because my mum could not afford it (not long after my dad died), unless you have the extra pounds to fund such trips your child will be isolated and marginalised from many of their peers, and demonstrates the wealth gap. I wasnt that disappointed because I sucked at the German language and at least it was 6th form (the girls were less judgy by then) but it reinforces why I would be apprehensive to send my child to a private school if I didnt have the money to at least afford some of the expensive extra circular activities / school trips.

Of course it’s bloody ‘real life’. Real children, not robots. And probably not hugely over-privileged, unless you are looking at very expensive pre-preps.