To have a rule not to lend money?

Shut it down now to avoid the conversation later just say something like …. It’s all already accounted for or I’m afraid I won’t be opening a bank of xxx.

You are well within your rights to say no and to tell her that it's not something you are prepared to discuss.
She is a cheeky cow for even considering asking you

You tell her no, and if she resents you for it you thank your lucky stars she showed her true colours. Unless you can afford to gift it, don’t lend it.

Absolutely this! Don't disclose your financial status to anyone. Always downplay your situation even to family and friends. Some 'friends' may turn against you or see you as a financial resource.

If your friend needs a kitchen and bathroom, she can take a bank loan or save up for it like everyone else does. As someone who has lent a friend money, I can confirm you are unlikely to get it back so just don't go there. Don't discuss your financial situation with anyone, it is no one's business but yours. As for the friend who already knows, tell her you've bought an annuity for lifetime income so won't have any ready cash. Shut this down straight away. And if she isn't your friend after that, she was a pretty poor friend anyway and you've had a lucky escape.

Amen… the only person who knows about my finances is my DH.

Nothing good can come of anyone else knowing about it.

Don’t do it. Saying it as a joke once then ha ha funny funny. But to say it again you need to say you are sorting your own kitchen and bathroom out first and investing the rest to see you through.

Tell her you had to invest in stamps for your pension, or you wouldn't get any.

OP I think you are paying off the mortgage and investing a lot for your pension right meaning all your money will the tied up?

Stop talking about money.

that’s how you don’t have those conversations. Stop talking about your personal business.

Don’t do it

Your friend has no intention of repaying this money. If she did she would get a bank loan or 0% purchases credit card etc and not make things awkward with a friend. She has heard about your money and seen £ signs.

This response is legendary.

Definitely don't lend the money,

Don't share details of how much you have.

If she asks directly you need an excuse lined up, something along the lines of after you repaid your mortgage and debts there is little left (if she knew the amounts you came into)

Tell her to extend her mortgage/borrow against her house for the best rates for a loan that size. You don't need to tell her your finances and unless she has a gaping hole in her floor where her bath has fallen through into her kitchen, she doesn't "need" a new bathroom or kitchen!

I would never lend money to anyone. I would give it, or not give it. I think lending creates a very awkward power dynamic between family/ friends and is more trouble than it's worth.

If I am in a position and someone I love needs money, I would make a judgement call about whether to give it to them (and in the past I have done so, more than once, when it was needed).

Lending would simply not be on my radar, it's too complicated.

For the bathroom, maybe. Kitchen will be a lot more.

Money brings out the worst in many people.

I would not tell anyone else and definitely not give handouts. That is a rabbit hole you don't want to go down.

"One of my friends is going through a nasty divorce, has stated that money is tight and she needs a new bathroom and kitchen"
She doesn't NEED a new bathroom and kitchen, she WANTS a new bathroom and kitch.

"she’s dropped little comments here and there about how I could lend her money so she can sort her house out, this has all been said in jest and she hasn’t out right said can you lend me £££."
In jest, and with the biggest of big smiles on my face, I'd declare "Not a fucking chance!" In jest, of course.

"How do I say no without her resenting me?"
Do you think she asked herself 'how can I ask for £10-12k without her resenting me'? I very much doubt it! So I'd not be worrying myself about her reaction.

As above, I'd do the smiling 'not a fucking chance'. Any pushback to that and I'd hit her with both barrels. 'This money has to last me until the day I die. Are you saying you having a pretty kitchen is more important than me being able to put the heating on when I'm old? Well, is it?'. Be dramatic, lay it on thick, be visibly irritated/annoyed. And - fuck her if she resents you. Seriously. I'm resenting her, and it's not even my money!

Stop sharing your financial business!!! Recipe for 'cheeky fuckers' coming out of the woodwork! Tell her to fuck off - I absolutely would say this!

Hard no from me!
I once lent my friend money for "essentials" never seen a penny back!
guess what the next week asked again and again at 2-3 in the morning! Bye Bye "friend"

No!!!
And also ... NO!!!
Tell her its being invested for YOUR future.
FFS. I'm seething on your behalf.

I would ignore it as long as possible, if pushed say “I’m not a bank, and have no interest in running one thanks!” and that it’s all put away properly for the future anyway. Then change the subject.

She's taking the piss. Just laugh next time she mentions it and say nothing

Love st a friend not looked at 😁