Shouted at by male midwife mid panic attack

Write it down in as much factual detail as possible OP. Leave the thread as people are confusing the situation and you need to concentrate on what happened clearly to write it down.

but if you mention multiple nurses blocking you from leaving in your complaint, this obviously will be investigated

YANBU!
I am so sorry you lost your baby. I can only imagine how upset and traumatised you must be feeling
As well as filing a formal complaint to the hospital, copy that letter to the NMC (Nursing and Midwifery Council).

He was totally unprofessional and inappropriate and certainly not representative of how a midwife should act.
For a woman to be having a miscarriage to be talked to like that and be given the extra trauma of HIS previous medical history is unacceptable.
Fair enough if he had met you in a day to day setting where you weren’t having a miscarriage, he could in theory mention he also has a panic disorder to make you feel at ease for example, but to put that on you when you needed less stress and more compassion, is really poor.

You did absolutely nothing wrong.
He should have realised you were concerned and quietly said “don’t worry, I’ll fetch a female midwife”.

Shouting and being so dismissive to a woman who is miscarrying deserves (imo, as a former student midwife) him being struck off. And yes, I would say the same for a female midwife if they had behaved in that way.

I hope you do take it further but I can imagine that right now, you also need to make sure you give yourself time to heal.

I do believe you

but in your op you say and none of the nurses intervened. They blocked the door and wouldn’t allow me to leave.
I was able to get out and to the reception

but already it is changing, and understandably so given you were in the middle of a panic attack.

If you are going to complain, you need to be crystal clear about what you’re certain about, and honest about what you think may have been the case but you were in a the middle of a panic attack so appreciate that your recollection may be hazy rather than talking so definitively

And this is what you hold onto OP. He shouldn't have shouted at you.

He knew that by the way and he was probably reacting to his own shame at that knowledge. With more self awareness he would have calmed himself and apologised but instead he projected it out and treated you as 'the thing that made him feel bad' so he verbally lashed out. He would benefit from therapy to be blunt.

Same here. Establishing breast feeding, learning to express, coping with sore nipples, mastitis and heavy bleeding etc I would not have wanted to be cared for by a male midwife. This was many years ago for me but I wouldn’t want it for my daughter who is due to give birth imminently.
Very sorry for your experience OP , it should definitely be reported to the hospital Trust.

No nurses have ever shown me sensitivity.

They are always too stressed and busy

@Mummyoflittledragon the roles of midwife and gynaecologist are very different. They’re not really comparable.

I'm so angry on your behalf x

Don't let anyone gaslight you into accepting what you know to be untrue.

I would encourage you to write down what you absolutely know to be true now while it is fresh in your head and body. If at any point the memory becomes overwhelming take a breath and pause. Remind yourself that you are in control of the pace here.

these are OP you will be asked

were multiple nurses blocking your exit as per your Op?

And how did you get past them to reception?

valid questions that probably best you’re clear on

OP, in your place I would be thinking of talking to the press.
Men like that and organisations that protect them, need exposing.

I speak from experience when I was pregnant with my last child and came across a rude abusive receptionist who shouted and abused me for arriving at an appointment in the hospital early. She screeched at me did I think it was a hair appointment that I could turn up early. Cheeky madam.
I was absolutely shocked and furious.
I had been specifically telephoned the afternoon beforehand and requested to arrive early.

I kicked up a monumental fuss, there were several witnesses, that went to the top of the hospital management and whilst they took it "very seriously"🙄 and she was sent for retraining apparently and taken off client facing duties, I still sent the emails to my two local papers and my local radio station so that it could be read out and discussed.

I didn't go on radio, but I did give them the full background.
It sparked a lot of chat and calls to the station about poor treatment in that hospital, and a couple of pieces in the paper referencing patient treatment.

Just something to think about, not today, but when the shock wears off.

you said nurses as in more than one
was more than one nurse blocking your exit? how did you get past them?

I'm sorry for your loss and a the traumatic treatment you received in the hospital. I have been through similar and it has never left me.

I would definitely report it to PALS you deserve better.

i am inclined to agree

I don't think it's unlikely. You'd be surprised at what happens.

My colleague who was recently in hospital and very physically weak. She told me that she refused to take a medication as her throat was too sore to swallow it. She said the nurse came over pinned her down, told her not to be so stupid and forced the medication down her throat and assaulted her.

I remember thinking at the time, surely a nurse wouldn't do that.

Because we think that people in nurses uniforms are caring.

But it was found that the nurse had done it.

Just because they're wearing a uniform doesn't mean they are not cold, cruel or criminals

It all sounds awful.

What an escalation by him.

He should just have accepted what you said & opened the door.

I've found that people are assholes everywhere.

That's why you find them in health care.

I don't remember ever getting really kind treatment off a nurse.

Either they were professional and polite but cold,

Or abusive

none of the nurses intervened. They blocked the door and wouldn’t allow me to leave

I don't disbelieve that there was an abusive male there...it would hardly be uncommon. But honestly op, this comment - well, this seems so astonishingly unlikely that I think it's also possible that your whole perception of the situation was very skewed.

By all means complain and view CCTV etc but I wouldn't go in all guns blazing at this stage.

Yep, I agree - the more you look at all aspects of what OP went through, the more enraging this becomes.
Honestly, how dare he, and what is going on with the rest of the staff, enabling his behaviour? Something is very wrong with the culture in that unit.
How much power does this individual have?