Shouted at by male midwife mid panic attack

We will simply disagree on that point. No biggie

That's not balance.

That's being tone deaf.

nope

but given the hospital has been named, i thought beneficial to add some balance.

You clearly didn’t! 🤷

This ^

I'm sorry you have received such treatment whilst undergoing a miscarriage which was traumatic enough without all of this taking place as well. I hope you and your partner do find the strength to report it. However, I am appalled at some of the posters on here who seem to think they are in the role of a prosecuting lawyer. When did it become acceptable to grill a vulnerable woman to the extent that some have on here tonight? She was asking for advice about reporting this midwife. She gave her account of what happened and said she accepted that in the midst of having a panic attack somethings may have not been quite as clear as she remembered them. That does not give strangers the right to repeatedly and it seems at times, harass her into repeating her answers to try and catch her out with her replies. Over the last couple of years Mumsnet has become noticeably worse for this kind of behaviour and I find it very distasteful. You have received some good advice on here tonight and I hope you can manage to ignore the more upsetting posts. Please take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry, OP. This is horrible. Definitely report to NMC and to the hospital.

Just so you're aware - when I complained about my treatment by a (female) doctor, the outcome was that the hospital sent her my complaint and my name and got her to write me an apology letter. I didn't expect to be anonymous as I suspected she'd remember the incident, but I found receiving the letter out of the blue really upsetting for some reason, so if you don't want that, be clear (eg 'please do not ask or allow this person to contact me regarding this complaint').

What a nasty thing to say to someone in OPs situation.

Shame on you.

Yes, report this. Lots of women without trauma (rightly or wrongly) would rather not have a male midwife. I imagine this issue must have come up previously in his career so would expect him to have the tools to handle these situations sensitively without taking it personally.

You should not have been treated like this at a vulnerable and emotive time. I hope things get better for you soon.

I know it's illogical but I've never been in the least concerned about a male doctor/gynaecologist treating me but feel a bit weird about a male midwife for some reason I can't define.

I’m sorry this happened to you. Please complain.

In my experience it’s less likely that the only midwife or nurse in a gynae/maternity service will be male but fairly frequently out of hours in emergency situations like a miscarriage the only sonographer or doctor is a male. But what happens is you should be told and offered accommodations like having a female nurse chaperone present at all times. If your still not happy to go ahead and there really is not anyone else able to see you the staff member should calmly explain the risks of not seeing them - like severe bleeding from a miscarriage or infection and then if you still don’t want to proceed arrange for you to be seen by someone else as soon as is practicable - you might have to wait for the next shift to come on for example. The only time I have seen a doctor really try forcefully to persuade a patient to see a different sex doctor was a young man with testicular torsion who did not want a female urologist to examine/operate. The urologist was firm in her arguments about the young man’s high risk of permanent testicular loss if he was not operated on now as the next shift wasn’t coming on for several hours and the patient did find it upsetting- it’s hard to know what is best sometimes, but it sounds like there were plenty of female staff available where you were so this should not have been an issue.

Unfortunately the NHS being the rubbish it is your notes may not have made it into the hands of the staff before they saw you so it’s always good to state in advance - at reception, your need for a same sex staff member or other accommodations.

Dear Lord, some of the replies on here are shocking. As a HCP, the midwife should have done absolutely everything in his power to make OP feel comfortable, as soon as he saw she was upset, or uncomfortable he had a duty of care to put her at ease....it's not jeffing rocket science. Occasionally, I've had some very aggressive patients come through my doors, 9/10 it's fear which has caused the aggression and part of my skill is de-escalating. Literally within milliseconds of a patient stepping over my threshold, I know exactly what I need to do and say to reduce their fear and anxiety....it's really not difficult (and I've worked in some extremely challenging environments).
Op forget PALS, go straight to the nursing and midwife council and put in a formal complaint. Their website is easier enough to navigate and will take you through the steps, or there is a phone number you can ring and get advice.
He sounds totally unprofessional and he brings the entire service into disrepute.
A good bedside manner is such an important part of what we do, looking after someone's psychological well-being, is as important as looking after their physical needs, especially when a person is feeling vulnerable, a good health professional knows this, (it's what makes them good).
I'm so sorry he put you through this .

Definitely report BUT prepared for him to have lied when he recorded anything that happened on your notes…

i did a SARS request for my first pregnancy and it was eye opening

And to balance your point. I had a traumatic birth at St George's in 2020 that was topped off by my walking off the postnatal ward with my baby without being discharged because the care was that bad. My mum had me and my sister there in 1987 and said the post natal ward was awful then too.

St G's ís great for lots of things - it's so well known for its emergency services, specialisms in brain injuries, spine injuries etc. But when it comes to maternity it's bloody awful.

I absolutely believe you OP. I had my first baby at St George's and understand the layout to the waiting rooms you mean.

There are always a load of staff in with patients, as you said because it's a teaching hospital. When I had my first it was like Piccadilly fucking circus in that delivery room.

I had my second at Epsom and had a much, much better experience. St G's recently had a bad review of their maternity unit and there's very valid reasons for that.

Your outstanding care isn't really relevant to OP's appalling treatment by this man.

It wasn't really a response to the OP but to the message I quoted referring to the CQC report - I was a bit concerned that it was turning into a thread on the hospital maternity services more generally.

I completely agree that the OP should raise a complaint on her experience and that it was unacceptable.

I also think that St George's maternity services do some amazing work particularly on difficult and complex pregnancies and the vast majority of people I came across were really dedicated, hard working and cared about patients. Of course maternity care in this country is shockingly bad across the board and should improve and I'm sure that includes St George's in some areas but I just wanted to put a counter point across.

presumably would be viewed by whomever investigated

Considering the OP won’t be able to view the CCTV this is a moot point

How is that relevant. You would have had different midwives on different shifts for a start.
I hate when people do this.

I remember telling someone that a woman shouted at me. The person I was telling (z mutual acquaintance), said "well she's always been lovely to me!

What's that got to do with the woman shouting at me?

all will come out either way with the cctv!

I’m going to get money that you were rude to him, and he didn’t shout at all.

For balance (and absolutely not minimising or doubting the OP's experience) I've had great care at St georges across pretty much the full range of their maternity and neonatal services despite the report which I did read during my pregnancy.

Seems St George maternity services were assessed as inadequate last year. They are supposed be be making improvements but sounds like they have a way to go
https://www.cqc.org.uk/press-release/cqc-tells-st-georges-hospital-make-immediate-improvements-maternity-care

This would have been such a simple way to handle things and avoid further traumatising distressed patients

I have spent a fair amount of time over the years in this EPU OP and can very much visualise what happened here. I've been scanned by him a few times and was a little taken aback the first time that there was no forewarning given. While he's never been anything but professional with me his bedside manner wasn't exactly warm and cosy!

so sorry that you've experienced this and that you are miscarrying - I hope that you can get some rest and recuperation in once the complaint goes in.

Having notes on you file about particular anxieties, makes fuck all difference, because this relies on HCP actually reading your notes. They very rarely do before you see them. And they don't bother to look at them even when you are right in front of them (I speak from experience here).

This is the result of the Sausage Factory NHS mentality where patients are processed and staff are shitty to patients who do not 'comply'. Patients are no longer cared for. Especially in maternity services (And thats why we have had a bunch of scandals).