Shouted at by male midwife mid panic attack

It's reflective of poor maternity care and poor mental health support in the UK.

The NHS sausage factory mentality doesn't work for either. It's particularly poor where the two intersect.

This thread is a mini example of why maternity care in the UK is so consistently poor. In addition to the resource issues - staff and buildings / equipment, one of the consistent aspects of all the enquiries into poor standards and appalling child and maternal deaths and harm is clear evidence of bullying, contempt for women and dismissal of what they say and feel. Add to that often toxic relationships between midwifery HCPs which negatively impact on safety and it's a perfect storm. All of this is repeatedly called out by investigations into baby and maternal deaths.

Yet nothing changes.

He sounds unwell and in no way fit for his job which is to look after women with kindness and compassion. How on earth is it appropriate for a health care worker to start talking about his own mental health to a patient? Let alone shouting at you and getting offended. I hope you are OK and I hope you will find the strength to put in a complaint so he can be dealt with. Just awful that such a man is anywhere near women. And someone could have stepped in and stood up for you.

Trauma responses are associated with a story being 'moveable'. So you can't say the OP is being economical with the truth in this situation. It's consistent with her being traumatised.

Indeed truth telling is associated with a degree of vagueness and slight shifts in recounting events.

It's only liars that stick absolutely to a story with no reflection and an unwaivering recollection.

I really did wish that there was greater awareness of anxiety responses across the board rather than this attitude of 'it didn't happen and even if it did it was your fault'...

Erudite.

@Curlyboot I can’t quote you but wanted to reply. Firstly OP gave an account of what happened and how she felt. Then posters questioned her and her emotions and then questioned her judgement based on those emotions. Then the OP discussed how others around her may have perceived the situation - which was very gracious of her. That is not the same as changing her story. Common sense.

You’re always so on brand with your comments across MN

Always a laugh to read

And another one...

Women know your place.

What you are failing to grasp here is that your 'outstanding care' at this hospital has absolutely nothing to do with OPs experience. It's not a question of balance. There are good and bad practitioners in every hospital in the country. You seem intent on making this about you. OP is asking for help here, show some compassion for God's sake.

Thought you'd gone to work.

From your post I am taking it that you are a HCP because of how you worded it.

It is really important to me, as someone who has had issues with anxiety and poor treatment, for this to be acknowledged as not only legitimate as a point, but how essential public trust is in HCPs.

That requires all HCPs not to take it personally if their hospital is named and shamed.

I'd like to hazard a guess that this guy has a particular manner about him and from what the OP says the other staff are fully aware that it's problematic from what another poster has said. And they feel unable to challenge/report.

For me that's actually indicative of work place bullying and intimidation that hasn't been addressed. That DOES reflect on the hospital as a whole, but not individual staff. That's a management and culture issue that despite an inadequate rating, isn't getting dealt with.

If we didn't have so many maternity scandals and an overall picture of maternity standards being so subpar then maybe I'd take a different line. But this is essentially a situation where we should be doing everything to encourage complaints as valuable and necessary to improve culture. We know that maternity is an area where women are particularly unlikely to make complaints even when there is more than ample reason to because of this culture of trying to make the woman feel like she is 'being unfair' to all the other staff because they are working so hard and they need to be recognised before her need to have this addressed and improved for other patients (and I suspect the good staff).

The whole over defensive 'lets protect the staff and the hospital before the patient' is a culture we need to end as it's the essence of the problem.

"I was later told that others on the unit are afraid of this man and won’t speak up."

Who told you this? And did they explain why they are afraid?

Am i male midwife who had a positive experience giving birth at St George’s? 🫤

Are you that midwife earlylunch?!
This isn't about your experience, and by saying your experience was great, you are insinuating OP is somehow to blame, or at the very least denying her experience of subpar care. (whilst I'm sure that's not your intention, it's how it reads). This thread is about the fact OP has had a distressing experience in a place she should feel safe and cared for. The behaviour of the midwife in question was totally inappropriate. He has no right doing a job he clearly isn't capable of doing, if he can't get the basics of care right. I'm sure there are some very caring midwives at the hospital, unfortunately though, op didn't have one, and she's looking for some reassurance and advice on how to move forward.
I'm genuinely glad you had a good experience, but it's essential when things go awry we don't sweep them under the carpet by saying 'well that wasn't my experience', or trying to downplay what has happened. We should be aiming for the best possible care everyday, from every single clinician on the payroll, not on some days, and not every other HCP, as it's damaging to our professional standards. If patients can't trust us, then building a therapeutic relationship is much harder, that's not good for pts or for us!

Agree.

Some act as if it isn’t possible for someone to be treated bad because they themselves weren’t at the same place.

I remember talking about my experience and having a few asking me what I did wrong because I must have done something to be treated bad or make excuses for the HCPs (overworked, having a bad day, difficult job).

I’ve never let being overworked or having a bad day affect me to the point I think I can be abusive and rude to people I’m supposed to help or be rude automatically to hcps.

Being pregnant was eye opening when it came to medical care and not in a good way and there are countless stories from mothers and studies showing that many pregnant women are being and have been treated appallingly by hcps.

If the Op hadn’t have named the hospital
I would not have posted
but she did
and so i did

I have to get to work i’m afraid @RedToothBrush . Would love the luxury to spend the day on mumsnet putting the world to right though

indeed
indeed

Clue: it's not all about you (or me).

It's not about two MNetters disagreeing though.

And that's the point. You don't see to understand the point here at all.

You are completely tone deaf.

for two mumsnetters to disagree?

no biggie 🤷

Actually it IS a Biggie.

But you carry on, being totally tone deaf and trampling all over the OP whilst making out that it's not a big deal.

I will highlight how bloody awful and disrespectful it is in the context of such massive issues with maternity services in this country.

good grief

I know, someone here has a legitimate reason to complain. Therefore I am going to completely undermine them and make them feel like they are being unfair by saying how great my experience was. Because fairness is the most important thing here rather than the need to address a lack of professionalism and standards at a hospital already classed as inadequate. The OP who is deeply distressed, and seeking reassurance and advice on what to do, is irrelevant. If my comment about fairness is posted and then I double down on it, I am making sure that fairness is more important than ensuring that the vulnerable person concerned here has the confidence to try and see this through and improve services. Because we'll won't we think of the poor staff who have to endure complaints first.

How about centring and supporting a woman who has experienced poor maternity care FOR ONCE. In the midst of a bunch of maternity scandals that have been tried to been suppressed and thousands of women told they should put up and be grateful for the NHS.

How about we actually believe the woman for once - when so many haven't.

Honest to god.

'fairness' isn't really appropriate for this thread.