Shouted at by male midwife mid panic attack

Sorry I also meant to say I’m so sorry for your loss and all you’ve been through

what an awful man

Yes that's him. He specialised in gynaecology.
I enjoyed the book too however, he did show a lack of compassion and understanding at times. Perhaps the pressure causes impatience or detachment. He was unprofessional at times and this guy is certainly unprofessional. I don't think he'd keep his job with this information.

Be mindful about staying factual op. You don't want to be written off as an emotional, hysterical woman. Quote what was said to you.

That’s terrible. I’ve worked with males and it’s not that uncommon for patients to request a female when they visit antenatal or early pregnancy for all sorts of reasons. It won’t be the first time I’m sure he should be used to this and ask professionally about it. The males i have worked with have always been absolutely fine with this and would never ever say or do anything like that.

From what you’re saying, it definitely sounds like a complaint is needed. If nobody complains then patterns of persistent poor practice can’t be picked up. Plus you should have an apology and some kind of assurance that this was wrong and will not happen again!

I hope you’re ok xxx

He shouldn't be in the job. And please, please do complain because I bet you weren't the first vulnerable woman he's been abusive to, but please God you're the last.

Adam Kay He was a doc not a midwife he wrote this is going to hurt. I enjoyed it I believe he was showing how pressurised it was

Also op you’re not there to be comforting him. That’s not your job.

So sorry for your loss.

If you have the strength, please please complain about this man. Appalling behaviour!

Well firstly the nurses blocked the door and stopped you from leaving the room last time I checked that was false imprisonment.

Not only did the MMW verbal abuse and dismiss you by yelling everywhere I suffer from panic attacks too in a place full of public people he also broke patient confidentiality (which is actually a sackable offence in itself.

Wow. That sounds awful.

You need to stop apologising though. You're blaming yourself for being in that situation in the first place. Then you spelt of blamed yourself with your extended explanation to him as to why you can't have a male midwife. You don't need to do that in future. He could have referred to your notes presumably if he wanted to know.

What an absolute disgrace to treat a woman miscarrying like that. I think you need to attach this thread to your PALS complaint.
I wish I'd complained about treatment throughout my first labour which affected me for a long time.

I can't remember off hand the name of the male midwife who wrote his memoirs, which became a TV show. Anyway, it does make you wonder what type of men are taking these roles. There seems to be a lack of respect for women. Well, there is in most of society at the moment I guess.

The formal complaint should be sent by email to [email protected], copied to Donna Ockenden [email protected].
Your email should include:

• A clear description of the complaint;
• Full details
• How you consider that the issue can be rectified;
• Your full postal address, phone number and email address (where possible); and
• ‘Formal Complaint’ within the subject line of the email.

The NHS, including individual hospital trusts, is well-known for protecting itself and throwing patients under the bus whenever it can get away with it.

I would complain via every possible channel about this appalling treatment you were subjected to. And the male practitioner can take his fragile ego and go f himself.

No way would I want a male practitioner attending to me in that circumstance either.

Oh god, how awful. I hope some professional midwives will come on to advise you how to proceed with this. You were treated terribly. Hope you feel less traumatised today.

Quite. It’s not all about him!

Please make a detailed complaint. It is incredibly important that you do for all the other women who come after you.

I recently had a shocking experience after an operation (and mistakes make in the surgery too). I am lucky to have recovered but do feel better that my very long and detailed complaint was taken seriously, I received an apology and they have said they are changing some procedures to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else.

Bullies like this man rely on victims not complaining.

You can contact the NMC- Nursing and Midwifery Council- the professional body that monitors and maintains nursing registrations to highlight your concern. If this healthcare professional has a specific history of trauma they may need support as well, or it could be that if there have been complaints managed in house at the hospital by PALs they have never been escalated appropriately. It is quite difficult for staff to whistleblow on colleagues but sometimes this is a good way for an external concern to be raised and looked into. Don’t forget that many many of Harold Shipman’s colleagues over the years were concerned but didn’t speak out. I’m not suggesting that this staff member is on a par with him, of course, but there is nothing wrong with external impartial review of any concerning incident. Please consider contacting the NMC at nmc.org.uk and at the bottom of the page is a link for reporting or raising concerns. I would seriously urge you to do this, if as you say this person behaved like this it is seriously worrying for any vulnerable patients to be treated like this. Best of luck.

So very sorry OP. Please do report. The Ockenden reports details some of the grim standards in too many maternity units in the UK (unsafe and poor staff attitudes to women - ignoring them, talking over them and behaving in a hostile manner). This man's behaviour to you an example of what she's talking about.

Improving maternity care is allegedly a priority for the NHS. A man who cannot control his feelings when faced with a pregnant woman facing a miscarriage and asking for a female midwife, has no business being anywhere near maternity services.

Get PALS to help you complain. Given your history he was completely inappropriate.

I had to go for an echocardiograph got called in was a male nurse. Went into a panic explained history of abuse and the 1st thing he offered was to get a female nurse. He gave me time to calm down and we found a way around it.

Obviously more difficult with issues with pregnancy, the least he should have done was offer to find someone else. He certainly shouldn't have shouted at you or told you any of his personal information.

Please complain - women put up with too much rubbish from the NHS. He sounds utterly unsuitable for his job.

God I'm so sorry.

Please please please do a formal complaint.

Why do men actively go into roles where they must KNOW they will encounter patients who've suffered at the hands of members of their sex?

The absolute lack of sensitivity, empathy and compassion.

All the best to you.

I am so sorry to hear of your experience. Please, please report this conduct.

I gave birth with my first 31 years ago, I had a terrible experience with one midwife (the whole experience wasn’t great - I was in my own room and the day after giving birth no medical staff came to see me, no observations. When I was down to be discharged they initially wouldn’t let me go as it looked like I’d only been there two days as my records had been changed to adjust the date of birth to cover up that they had missed me completely for one day) but this one particular midwife was awful.

As you can tell it has stayed with me and I still wish I had complained, obviously it would have been too late to change anything for me, but I still feel guilty that I did nothing that may have stopped her treating other women in the same way.

Just to add it's helpful if you can write down the exact words he said, if you can remember them, in your complaint.

"Get over yourself" is something it would never be appropriate to say whilst caring for a lady having a miscarriage for example. It's really helpful to include these quotes to convey exactly how bad his behaviour was, and so he can't claim it was all a misunderstanding.

I would definitely file a formal complaint. His superiors will need to read and respond to this, so it won't just be his colleagues. You may well not be the first person to complain.

His behaviour demonstrates his unsuitability for the job. Not because he’s male but because he prioritises himself above patient needs.

Two reasons to report- it may make a difference in future situations, and it validates your personal distress. You were not unreasonable or over reacting. His behaviour was complaint worthy.

So sorry you went through all this with this and had this awful man adding to your distress. If ,as you were told, others are frightened of him but afraid to speak up it a complaint from you might be what it takes to expose him. Maybe other patients have already said something and you will be be adding to the weight of evidence. Whatever the outcome I doubt your complaint will be ignored in the long run.

Have no advice to offer (but the advice you’ve already received hopefully helps) but just wanted to say how sorry I am about your miscarriage and the appalling treatment you received. X